Don't Lose Sight of Me

(32) I'm Home

Tom

"I didn't realize you smoked." I mumble as I light a cigarette and hand it to Gray. He chuckles and brings it to his lips, taking a long and slow drag. He exhales slowly, seemingly more relaxed. "I don't. Didn't. Not as much.." He glances up towards the apartment. "Julianna hated it. And Sandra isn't any different."

Sandra. Juliette had once mentioned that Sandra was the first woman, after Mrs.Emerson, to even come slightly close to catching a second glance from Gray. I take one last drag of my cigarette, dropping it into a small puddle. "Alright." I sigh taking a step towards Gray and bracing myself. "Let's get this done while I'm still slightly buzzed off the alcohol and smoke."

He chuckles and raises an eyebrow amusingly at me. "Is that really what you expected?" He asks. I lazily shrug and kick a pebble into the puddle where my reflection was currently being displayed back to me. "What else would we be doing?" I ask him, turning around and sitting on the nearby curb. "Yeah I guess you're right." He chuckles, sitting next to me on the curb. We both simultaneously bring our knees closer to ourselves, resting our elbows on top of them. Gray takes one last drag of the cigarette before flicking the small stub into the nearby puddle.

"How are you?" He asks in a low and raspy voice. The question threw me off. I couldn't help but wonder if this was a trick question. Do I say fine and he grabs me in a chokehold. Or do I say bad and he makes things worse by grabbing me in a chokehold. So instead I shrug. "I stopped knowing years ago." I mumble.

He smirks and slowly nods his head looking down at the nearby puddle. "How are you?" I ask him. He'd left New York to be closer to Juliette. Sold their house. But that wasn't all he had left. "I stopped knowing when Julianna passed away." He sighs. "But I think I'm starting to remember." He quietly mumbles glancing towards the apartment where Juliette and Sandra were currently in. Though I'm sure he meant Sandra.

"You've hurt my daughter. Quite a few times." He mumbles. Here we go. I stay silent knowing he had more to say. "I think I've said it before. She's all I got. Juliette is quite literally an extension of my heart. One that you've bettered and stepped on, too many times."

I gulp and shake my head lowering my gaze to the puddle where both of our reflections were. There we were. Myself, the reckless and complete dumbass who was constantly at war with himself, and Gray, the man who found a way to conquer his own wars and demons. He was an older version of myself that I hope to one day become. "Gray if I could be even half of you, I'd make Juliette the happiest woman on this planet." I mumble.

He catches my gaze through the puddle and tosses a nearby puddle into the water, disrupting our reflections. "I wasn't perfect either." He mumbles. "I've said it before. I was like you when I was younger. And Juliette. Exactly her mother. Forgiving."

I look up from the pavement at him, not sure what he meant by what he just said to me. Gray often joked that I reminded him a lot of his younger self. And that while he may have hated Julianna at first, he eventually fell in love with her. He asked her to choose him and when she did, that was it. They finished college together. He proposed to her. Within the same year they were married and had Juliette, and while their happily ever after was cut and short lived, they were happy.

"Julianna had a big heart. So much so that sometimes I wondered how far I could go."

"What are you trying to.."

He looks up from the puddle at me with a gloomy and cold expression on his face. "I cheated on Julianna."

No. No that couldn't be right.

"No." I mumble pulling my arms down from my knees, refusing to even entertain the idea. "No you didn't. You said.. you said you did your shit but that all stopped when you met her. The night at the party when she refused to kiss you. You said that was the first night you went home alone."