Don't Lose Sight of Me

(23) What If It Was Me?

Tom
"You're not going to do that to me." She mumbles to herself. "You can't." She continues. She nods to herself, fidgeting with her hands almost like she was trying to convince herself.

"I left home. For you. I've put up with almost a year of you mentally fucking with my head. I put on a show for the paparazzi smiling in every photo to make YOU look good. Every party. I've always forgiven you!" She screams.

Emi was violently shaking as she pulls down her sweatpants, exposing the scared tissue on one side. I have to look away. I couldn't stomach it right now. "YOU DID THIS!" She screams at me with tear filled eyes as she points to the T-shaped burn on her. She closes her eyes, quietly sobbing to herself as she pulls up her pants. "Als ob ich ein Tier wäre." (As if I were an animal.) She sobs. I furrow my eyebrows, confused as to why she'd start speaking German. She sniffles and points to the vent. It hadn't occurred to me that Juliette and Alysa were next door. Or that they could possibly hear us. "Ich mache alles für dich" (I do everything for you) She mumbles. "I always do."

"No one knows what you did that night." She hisses, her eyes swelling with tears once more. "But I do. You do. HE DOES!!!" She screams again as she refers to the specific night I had chosen to forget. "Sometimes.. sometimes I still hear him." She groans.

"You're not leaving me." She sobs shaking her head again. "No." She sniffles. "I swear. I swear if you do, I swear to you Tom Kaulitz, I will fucking kill myself." She hisses to me. I flinch, feeling my stomach twist and churn as I become nauseated. "Emi don't say that. Please. We had agreed this was never something solid. And when I said I—"

She scoffs. Her bottom lip was trembling. Her nose was stuffy and red. Her whole face was red. She was a mess. "That was before." She wipes her nose with her shirt, sniffling hard afterwards to try and contain her dripping nose. Her voice was raw and broken. She steps closer to me, staring me deeply in the eyes. I feel a painful lump in my throat as I stare into her bloodshot and puffy eyes. I couldn't see her anymore.

And by her I meant the Emi I found back in Germany went I went back. Sarcastic. Bold. Defiant. And overly sweet Emi. What I saw now was a desperate. Hanging by a thread. Unstable. Insecure and hurting Emi.

A few hot tears run down her cheeks and down her chin. "You don't get to break me and build something new with her. Your stuck until you fix what you broke."

"Get out." She hisses as she pushes me away. "Emi, wait." I groan. "GET OUT!" She screams as she pushes me out and slams the door shut on me.

I quietly gasp realizing I had been holding my breath. That night continues playing through my head. Her screams and pleads, echo through my head. Your stuck until you fix what you broke.

Juliette and Alysa, who were both pushed in the corner near the vent, jump and scramble away. "Yup, may need a new air filter. I'll go tell Bill." Alysa blabbers nervously as she shoots out of the room. "I fucking HATE you!" Juliette hisses at her. She turns her attention back to me as I slump my shoulders, staring down at the floor. "How badly did you hurt her?" She asks me. I shrug uncomfortably and lean against the door frame, crossing my arms. "The truth?" I ask her.

She frowns at me, shaking her head. "I've broken a rib." I mumble. Immediately, Juliette flinches. "I've burnt her both with a cigarette and a screw. I've sprained her ankle. Pushed her out of a moving car. Slammed her hand between the car door.. almost drowned her."

Juliette's face twists in pain, her eyes swelling and glossing with tears as I watch her painfully swallow. I frown and quietly sniffle. "I think you get the picture." I whisper. "The question is, what haven't I done." I lower my head shamefully. "What's the worst thing you've done to her?" She asks me. I stay quiet, too disgusted and embarrassed to say. "What did she mean by.. that night." She asks stubbornly.