Don't Lose Sight of Me

(39) Bauer

Tom
"Gia, I—."

"YOU RUINED EVERYTHING FOR ME!!" She screams at me, yanking her wrist away from my hold. "What did I do?" She asks me, taking a step away from me. "I.. loved you, Tom. I gave myself to you because I honestly, genuinely loved you. And I thought you loved me too." She quietly sobs, wrapping her arms around herself in an attempt to give herself some comfort.

I try and reach for her, trying to console her. But she moves away. "Don't touch me!" She screams. "I don't want you touching me. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" She screams through her tears.

"Gia, if I could go back in time I would." I groan. She sniffles through her tears, letting out a sob. "Why me? Answer me that." She asks. "Why did it have to be me?"

I frown and lower my gaze to the floor. "ANSWER ME!" She screams. I sigh and look to the side, slightly slumping my shoulders. "You just happened to be the first person I saw after leaving the clinic." I mumble.

She scoffs. A very broken and strained scoff. "So just because I was the first person you saw?" She asks quietly in an almost squeaky way. When I don't answer, she sobs, taking my silence as a yes.

"I was late that day." She mumbles. "I was 15 minutes late. And those 15 minutes ended up costing me more than I thought."

Hearing that only made me feel shittier. The fact that was I wasn't specifically targeting Gia, she just happened to be the first person I saw. Had she shown up on time, we wouldn't be here right now.

"Gia what I did, it was a shitty thing to do. It really was." I mumble. "I wasn't thinking it through. I— I'm sorry. Gia I never meant for things to go that far."

She scoffs and shakes her head. "Fuck you. Do you know how embarrassed I feel every time I look at myself in the mirror? How stupid I felt telling my friends it didn't work out? How stupid I am? YOU LET ME THROW MYSELF AT YOU!! I gave you something, I can't get back. I gave you something thinking you loved me. But it was all a lie." She sobs.

I'm suddenly reminded of Juliette and when we first met. And how I took her virginity as well, under the worst of circumstances. Emi's virginity. Multiple virginities of girls I could hardly remember. And Gia. The one that strangely made me sick to my stomach in guilt.

"Gia I've slept with.. tons of girls. What I did to you, I've done to multiple. But you're the first I've ever felt guilt over." I mumble.

"Those few months together.. Gia they weren't necessarily all a lie. I do hate pickles. My favorite color is blue. I always hated school. Between chocolate or strawberry Nesquik, I'm a sucker for strawberry."

"Every conversation we ever had. Every late night phone call. Strolls through a dark and nearly empty park, the boardwalk, spontaneous fast food dates in my car.. that was all real Gia. That was me. The only thing I ever lied about were my intentions."

She had stopped crying, and sniffles, looking at me with her swollen teary eyes. "But you don't have feelings for me. You never did.." She says in an almost uncertain way that sounds more like a question.

I sigh and shake my head. "Gia, I love Juliette. Juliette's been the only girl I've ever and will ever love."

She looks away from me. Her bottom lip was trembling and she was on the verge of crying again. "But for what it's worth Gia.. I really did enjoy those few months together. Maybe my feelings weren't romantic. But I did enjoy being around you."

She looks at me, her face twitches. "You're going to find your person. Someday. You're an amazing girl. Beautiful. Smart. Loving. My heart is an actual living person. Juliette. But if it weren't for that, I'd be a complete.. dumb ass in letting you go."