Love- As Real As the Moon

40

Hayley

I walk for a whole 5 minutes, already panting. Thanks to my heels and rain. I love rain but tonight was just not the right time for it. A long black car, as much as I know, an Audi R8 stops by me which makes me halt for a moment but I start walking again. It starts raining even more heavily. Thank you God! What a day! The car starts blasting it's horn when I don't stop. What a day for everyone to be assholes. I still don't stop until the car stops right in front of me blocking my way. I stomp towards the driver's side of the car and start shouting. "What do you want asshole? Get out of my way!"

The window starts to move down and my eyes widen when I see the driver. Freaking Nicolas Parker.

I groan. "What do you want now? Just please leave me alone." I say crankily.

His gaze moves up and down my body. He clenches his jaw. "Get in the car."

The audacity.

"Get in the car? NO WAY IN HELL!"

He opens his door, gets out of the car and starts walking towards me angrily.
" Get.In.The.Car." he orders.

"NO!" I shout. He closes our distances in three strides, bends down and lifts me in his arms. I gasp and start hitting his chest and jumping like a fish.

"Leave me! Leave meeeeeee!" I shout but he keeps walking towards the other side of the car.

" I won't. So stop fighting me." He says as he opens the door and puts me into the car. He closes the door and starts walking towards the driver's side. I take the opportunity and open the door, get out of the car and start running away. He groans in frustration, catches me by my arm and pulls me towards him making me crash into his chest.

"Why don't you leave me alone? I just wanna go home." I cry in frustration.

" I am taking you home. In my car. I'm not letting you walk all the way home like that." Points at my breast.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck! My dress has become transparent because of the rain. My bra and panties are clearly showing. Oh my god! I run towards his car and get into the passenger seat as fast as I can. I bring my knees to my chest and look out of the window when I hear him shut his door. He removes his jacket and holds it for me.

"Take it."

I take it and wear it. Out of desperation.
"Thank you. And sorry about your car." I can't hear my own voice.

"I don't care about the car, Moon." He helps me wear the seatbelt.

I sigh. "Why are you doing this, Nick? Why wouldn't you just tell me?" I mutter.
He doesn't answer, just starts driving. We sit in silence for a few minutes.

"Stop the car." I say while looking out of the window.

"What?"

"Please stop the car, Nick."

"No." He says sternly.

I look at him and request, "Please Nick." My voice starts to break.
He pulls over, turns to me and takes my face in his hands.
"What's wrong, moon?" He says softly.

"Everything."
His gaze turns soft too.

I exhale shakily. "Nick, why are you doing this?" I ask slowly.

"Doing what?"

"This!" I shout. "You don't let another man talk to me. Yo- you don't want me too see another man. You come close to me. So. Fucking. Close to me but you don't tell me why. You touch me. In places and in ways you shouldn't but you won't let my date kiss me."
I remove my face from his hands and look away. "Why? Just tell me why, Nick." My voice breaks on his name and a tear rolls down my cheek.

He takes hold my chin in his fingers and moves my face towards him. "I can't tell you, Moon." He sighs. "I'm sorry but I just can't." Now he looks away.

"Fine then. I'll give you your jacket on Monday."

"Wha-" he doesn't complete as I open the door and walk out of the car. The rain washes away my tears.

"Moon! Stop! Please." He shouts after me but I just stomp away.
"FINE ! I'LL TELL YOU! Just stop for god's sake, Hayley." He shouts from behind.
I stop and turn around. He runs towards me and stops right in front of me. He grabs my waist and forces me to walk to his car. I free myself from his grasp and shout. "STOP IT NICHOLAS! JUST TELL ME WHY OR LET ME GO!"

He pins me against his car and shouts,  "You want to know why? Here's why" He runs a hand over his face.
"I love you, Hayley! I've fallen for you. So fucking hard." He shouts.
The rain stops. So does my heart. I'm going to die. Right now. Right here.

" I want you so much, it physically hurts." He sighs. "I started falling for you the day I saw you and there hasn't been a day I haven't thought about you since then. Fuck. I am still falling for you, Moon. I fall for you everyday. Every hour. Every moment. Every second. I fall in love with you everytime you smile. I fall in love with you everytime you look into my eyes. I fall more when your face lights up while eating a cupcake or whi- while listening to a Taylor Swift song." He takes a deep breath.

"Every drop of my blood burns when someone hurts you or there's a tear in your eyes. And my heart breaks every single moment, when I realise that I don't deserve you.  I never will. When I look into your hazel eyes, my heart shatters thinking about how they will shine with love for someone who's not me."

I feel the tears streaming down my face. He brushes his knuckles over my cheeks.
"I didn't know I was capable of love, Moon. Until you. A part of me has always known you were it for me ever since I saw you at the party. You are my breaking point. My heart is yours. You own it. And I would have my heart broken by you a million times than not having you in it even for a second." He kisses my temple and looks into my eyes.I open my mouth to say something, but then it all comes back.
Everything that I concealed for two years. Every sentence. Every word.

“Love? Are you fucking kidding me? Love you? I would choke on my own spit than fall in love with you.”

“Write it down. No one will ever love that hopeless romantic heart of yours. You deserve to die alone, you dumb fucking bitch.”
The voices echo in my head. So fucking loudly I can't hear anything. I slap my hands over my ears.

"NO!" I shout. "No. No. No. No. Stop. Please stop." I cry.

"Hayley?" The voices muffle Nick's voice.

"NO! It's not true!" I keep crying.

" Hayley! What's wrong?" He wraps his arms around me. I cry into his chest for minutes which felt like days.
I break our hug. There's confusion and hurt in his eyes.

"I- I - I - I - I -" I try to talk but it's like my lungs are collapsing. I can't breathe. I pant and gasp trying to get some air.

"Breathe. Just breathe, Moon."
I take a few deep breaths.

" I can't. I'm sorry, Nicholas. I- I." I take a sharp inhale.
"I'm sorry. I can't. I ne- I need to go." I push him away and run. I run till I can't see him behind me. I run till I reach my apartment.
He loves me. Nicholas Parker loves me. But no one can ever love me right? No one can ever stay, they never do.
I keep a pillow on my face and scream and cry till my throat is sore and my eyes are red. Every single cell in my body is burning. I tuck myself under my blanket and cry myself to sleep.