Love- As Real As the Moon

41

Hayley

I wake up with a fever. My eyes are swollen, so are my legs. I look like shit. I search for my phone and text Olive.

Me: Hey ol ! Can't make it to work today. Down with fever.

I stand up and make myself some coffee and breakfast . Just when I'm about to take another bite, my phone lights up with a text notification.

Olive: okay. Take care of yourself, H.

Me: I will. Thank you :)

I finish my breakfast and decide to take a shower. Everything from last night comes back- his confession and the voices. The water from the shower washes away my tears. He confessed his love for me and I walked away from him. I ran away from him. Dave was right, I don't deserve to be loved.
I finish up my shower and crying session and get dressed. I start to dry my hair when my doorbell rings. I open it but there's no one there. Theres just a packet of medicines on my doorstep. Is it him? Did Nick send these?
No. I hurt him. Why would he send me medicines after how I treated him last night?
I close the door and go to my bedroom. This is the worst. I can't talk to Lucy because she has no idea about what really happened between me and Dave. I can't talk to Olive because I hurt her bestfriend. So, I call my mom.

"Hey mom." I sneeze.

"What's wrong hay?"

Everything.
"Nothing,mom. Just down with fever and yeah triggered the allergy. That's it."

"that's it? Listen to me, Hayley. I want you to make that juice I make you everytime you're sick and drink it."

"Yes mom. I will."

"Good. How's my hailstorm doing otherwise?" Her sweet voice makes me want to jump into the phone and hug her.
I sniff. " I'm doing okay mom. I'm fine." I say it like I'm making myself believe it.My voice breaks. Shit.

"Hayley, what's wrong?"

" I told you,mom. It's just the fever." A tear rolls down my cheek.

"I'm your mother hay. I know when you're lying. You're making me really worried now. What. Is. Wrong?"

"Everything,mom." I let it all out. "Everything is wrong. I - I messed everything up. So fucking bad. And I don't even know how to make it right, I'm so scared, ma. So so scared."

"It's okay to be scared, Hayley. But what is important is to fight that fear. Whatever it is that is messed up, you need to be my brave girl and fight to make it right."

" I can't,mom. I will never be able to make this right. Everytime I try to, everything comes back. There are voices that echo in my head. That tell me that I don't deserve anything. I can't take it anymore,ma. I need them to stop." I cry.

"Do you know how you got the telescope you used to see the moon with? " my mom asks.

"No."

"When you were 8, you were really afraid of the dark. You wouldn't even sleep with the lights off. Then one day, I told you that if you would stay in a dark room for a minute, I would buy you anything you want. You know what you did?"

"N-no."

"You closed your eyes and entered the dark room. And you stayed there. Not for just one minute but fifteen. That's how you got your telescope. When I asked you how you did it, you said, "when I closed my eyes, it was already dark everywhere. I couldn't even see that I was in a dark room."

"What do you mean mom?"

"I mean, this is you, Hayley.  You always find a way. You were the one that helped Angelina when she was scared of commitment and now see her, she's getting married in weeks."

"I know, mom. Bu-but the voices. They don't seem to go. I tried to fake it till I make it but they just don-"

"Then do exactly what you did when you were 8."

"What?" I ask confusion in my tone.

" You found a darkness which defeated the darkness in the room. So now, find a voice that will quiet the others."

"Y-y-yes mom." I wipe my tears.

"You are my strong girl, Hayley. You are my unstoppable hailstorm, just the one which is not destructive to herself or to others."

"Thank you, ma. I love you so much."

"I love you to the moon haybug."

"Hey! That's dad's nickname for me."

"Sorry. I love you hailstorm."

I smile and hang up.