Shorter Than Me

12 Levi

"Guiin!" I hit her in the back of the head with my hand. She jerks back into the present and continues mixing whatever is in her bowl. "Stop spacing out," I order.

"Sorry, sir."

I turn around and walk back to where I was chopping up some onions. I took a break because my eyes were watering and I did not want anyone to see me cry for such a stupid reason as an onion. I hear a crash to my left and turn to see what happened. Arlert bends down to pick up a bunch of pots and pans he dropped.

"Arlert, stop dropping things."

"Sorry, sir."

Jeyla, the full-time cook, just rolls her eyes as she stirs some soup.

I keep cutting the onions until I have a large pile of tiny pieces next to me. Jeyla scrapes them into a bowl and tells me to watch the soup and stir it a little.

I know very little about cooking so bear with me.

I stir it with the large wooden spoon. I see Guiin just standing there doing nothing again. "Guiin!" She jumps and keeps stirring again.

"No yelling in my kitchen!" Jeyla orders.

"It's not really yours," I object.

"It's mine as long as those within do what I say." She gives me a pointed look and I admire her gall to speak to me like that. She dumps all the onions into a pan in front of Jaeger and gives him some directions. He nods.

Ackerman walks in with a large bag of flour on her shoulder. "Where did you want this?" she asks Jeyla.

Jeyla points to the corner. "Over there. When you're done come to me."

She walks awkwardly to the corner and drops the bag heavily. A cloud of dust rises from it. She heads to Jeyla.

I keep stirring the soup. The water inside is bubbling and some splashes next to the pot. I wipe it up quickly and wonder how much more we need to do.

***

We serve dinner too. Jeyla told me to stand back and "supervise" instead of giving every single Scout a glare that will destroy their day. Those are her words, not mine.

I'm perfectly fine with doing nothing while everyone else works. Finally, when everyone is done serving, we grab plates and put food on them. I go to sit at my normal table, the one with most of the captains.

***

Sorry I had no idea what to put there. :)

When Commander Erwin asked me to be the one to tell Petra's parents of her death, I refused. Her father had already spoken to me about her like she was still alive. I'm sure he realized she wasn't there. That obviously meant she was dead. I didn't want to be the one to bring the bad news. I was already feeling enough pain.

In some way, I feel like I was the only one who deserved to cry over her. She was mine. It was my mistake that led to her death. I was the one she loved more than anything in the world.

And then I would feel like I didn't even deserve to call her mine. She was always the one showing affection first. She told me she loved me first. She kissed me first. She would always be the one who was open and loving while I recieved it all with cold stares and short answers. Yet she still loved me. She still came to my room nearly every night to lay in bed with me. She still smiled at me, knowing it would only be met by a blank face. She still kissed me, knowing I might not kiss back.

Sometimes, I wonder if she knew I loved her.

I wonder if she can see me now. I wonder if she knows I cried for her. I wonder if she knows exactly how heartbroken I am.

I wonder if she sees my cowardice in not going to see her parents.

I wonder whether I make her smile or frown from wherever she is.

Sometimes I talk to her, hoping she can somehow hear me. I don't know if she can. She never talks back. I wonder what she would say to me. I love you? You should have done this? You should have done that? I hate you? It's your fault?

Is she an angel now? She was an angel in life, so why not in death?

The thought of her being an angel comforts me.

Yayyy! I am finally done after forever right? And there are seven parts! You are welcome!!! Now vote, tell me what you think, tell others what you think. (Aka, vote, comment, share.)

Also, thanks for the bajillions of reads!!!!!

~Syre Fayne