Shorter Than Me

23 Levi

The first thing Guiin does when she gets back is knock on my door.

"Ackerman, I just wanted to thank you for agreeing to train Elles. Was she... good?"

"No. I let her punch me." She looks a bit surprised at that. "You get to decide whether or not she has to leave."

"Oh. Do I have to decide now?"

"As soon as possible."

"Alright. Did she give you any more trouble?"

"Yes. But you'll probably find she's a little more respectful."

"Thank you." She looks really sincere. I keep looking at her until she nods and says, "Goodbye." She leaves.

On the days between expeditions where the Commander isn't having us practice his formation or something, there isn't much to do. Everyone has their chores, but my squad isn't supposed to do theirs until late tomorrow afternoon because Guiin is still officially a member of it and she has someone to train. I'll need to find someone to replace her once she gets her own squad. She's already moved to her own room, though she hasn't even spent a night in it yet.

I take Ferret out of his box and set him on my desk. He jumps confidently down to my chair, then to the floor. He runs under my desk and out of sight.

I walk into my room.

I wonder more often than not what everything would be like if Petra was still here. If everything was normal. She would get to know Guiin to keep herself from getting jealous from all the time I spent training her, to find out how I was treating her so she could boss me around like she did, and because that's just how she was. She'd get to know everyone. I feel like they would have been friends, maybe even as close as sisters.

If she was here, she'd say, "Levi, if you leave the room with Ferret on the floor, someone might open the door and he could run out."

Then I'd say, "Then make sure he doesn't run out."

"You're so bossy, Levi." She'd hug me and go into my office to pick Ferret up and keep him safe. I'd stand in the doorway between the rooms and watch her play with him. She'd give me a cute smile. "You're adorable, you know that?" She'd set Ferret back in his box and walk up to me, smiling the whole time. She'd want me to smile too.

And then I'd kiss her. I'd kiss her to the end of the world because I never want her to go. You never know when someone you love is going to leave, and when they do, you regret everything you ever did.

I open my eyes to see Ferret on the floor scratching at my boots. I kick him gently away, suddenly feeling hostile to him because my imaginary Petra was holding him. He doesn't understand and attacks my shoes again.

There's a suspended moment where I could shove him violently away or just move away myself. I turn back into my room. I hear Ferret following me.

I open a drawer in the table by my bed with a key. I take out a small stack of papers. I look at the first one. I've memorized it, but reading it never gets old.

Levi,

I just thought I'd write a love letter to you seeing as I love you. And you look like you could be cheered up today. Your grouchiness is cute sometimes, but other times it's way too much. You could try being nicer to everyone. I can picture your face as you're reading this. Your beautiful eyes will be slightly narrowed, as usual. Your mouth will be closed and relaxed (and I'd want to kiss you). You'll get that annoyed look where you don't think I should be telling you how to act. Sometimes it seems like you like people not liking you. You couldn't stop me from liking you, but you get annoying when you act like you hate everyone because I know you really don't.