Shorter Than Me

28 Ecyn

Training with my squad goes pretty well. Being the youngest, shortest, and highest-ranked Scout in my squad always made me feel like such an oddity, but getting to know them better doesn't make me feel like someone different or someone special. I feel included. After just three hours of training, I'm laughing and joking with them like we're equals. We are, but sometimes it doesn't seem like it. Sometimes I have to be more than them and sometimes I don't have to. It's hard to find the balance between the two.

There isn't really any awkwardness with the two new members. Fellip helps with that, making jokes like he does and asking them questions about their likes, dislikes, hobbies, families, and a lot more. I even get to snap at Fellip and Phodos when they slow down to have a conversation about a region in Wall Rose. They're supposed to be practicing and getting to know how each of them acts so they can learn how to work together. Once I try explaining this, however, Fellip insists that his and Phodos' shared opinion on the region will give him some insight as to their similarities and will help him understand Phodos better.

I just stare at him expectantly until his eyes stray to the ground and he says, "Sorry, ma'am."

"Good. Now hurry up." They quickly whiz past me and continue talking about the region. At least they're going faster.

I don't know how well Phodos and Elirah fight when under pressure, but I do know they've survived. So have the rest of my squad. Maybe it was luck, or maybe they even hid like Briine did. I haven't been watching them; I've been trying to fight titans. The only thing I can see is how well they do in combat when it's not real, and whether they come back alive. It casts a dark mood over everything, but it's easy to push away after only a little bit of practice. Just focus on the present, not the long term, and you won't be crushed by the weight of depression. Hopefully.

This brings my thoughts in the direction of Ackerman. His whole squad was slaughtered. Maybe that crushed him. Maybe that's why he's like he is. Or maybe he was like that before. Maybe he's gotten to know so many people who have been ripped from him while he stays alive. Maybe that's why he's rude and guarded.

For some reason, I want to unravel the mystery of Ackerman. I just want to know out of curiosity, but I definitely won't ask him. And I'm pretty sure no one else knows anything, except maybe the Commander, but he's the kind of person who would keep a secret. Hanji probably wouldn't, which is why she most likely wouldn't know.

I can't ask anyone, then. I don't need to know. He's just the most mysterious Scout in the whole Scouting Legion.

He's just different, I tell myself. I'm different too, just in a different way.

Short part, so sorry. I promise you might like the next part and it will probably make up for what this one lacks.