Shorter Than Me

23 Ecyn

Commander Erwin is waiting by the stables when we get back from training. Another of the captains is with him and he says to me, "I want to talk with all the Scouts training new recruits. Elles, you can go." We put our horses in the stables and I wait with Commander Erwin. It doesn't take long for everyone to get here. Then the Commander starts talking. "I've planned a short excursion for you and your recruits. Since we won't be going on an expedition for a few more months, we will go to the Trost District. There, we will go to the top of Wall Rose and see the titans down there. It's always better to go on an expedition knowing what you're up against, so they will be shown. Do not go down to the titans under any circumstance."

"What if someone falls, sir?" I ask.

"Then I don't think anyone will be able to catch them in time. Make sure no one falls. We will be going in two days, staying the night and then returning here. Any questions?" He glances around. "Good. Dismissed."

We all salute him and he turns around to walk away. We disperse. There's about a half hour before dinner. Usually a lot of the captains go in the dining hall and talk. I don't normally join them, but I do today.

I come in the middle of a conversation, so I'm confused for the first half and bored for the second. Apparently Zebbo has been sending love letters home to some mysterious Lanelle. He was being interrogated about her until it was obvious he had given up all he was willing to give up.

He changes the subject to ask how the training of the new recruits is going. Everyone says it's going well, that their recruit has been learning quickly and steadily progressing. They all look to me next.

"I've only trained her a few days. She's pretty good."

"I heard the commander was thinking of having a competition for them. To motivate them to get better," one of the captains speaks up.

"Who did you hear that from?"

"Jeyla," he says.

Someone give him a curious smile. "Jeyla, huh? You love her cooking? Why would she tell you?" He's insinuating that they have something more than a friendship. I'm reminded of why I don't like spending time here. Too much gossip. Usually it's true, but it's just not interesting. The Commander is probably planning some competition and the captain and Jeyla probably have something going on between them, but I don't care. The Commander will tell everyone about his decisions, and Jeyla might get married.

I understand the thoughts behind all the joking and gossip. These people have seen more horrors than anyone is meant to see. Some people distract themselves, some people hide away, and some people lose it. I lost it, but I snapped out of it to save my life. It was because Ackerman saved me... and dropped me to my fate. I don't think he would have caught me if I hadn't myself. He would have let me die. And I see the sense in that. A broken Scout isn't worth anything. Maybe to some family, but I wouldn't have made it back alive. I wasn't broken, just bent. And that makes me even stronger than before.

"...Guiin?"

I start listening as I hear my name. Someone looks at me expectantly. "What?"

He laughs. "I asked if your cadet was giving you any trouble."

"Oh. No, she's not. She's obedient and very skilled."

"She's taller than you."

Is that the sequel?

"I am aware of that, thank you," I snap a bit playfully.

"Now she's mad. Watch her become Captain Short-but-taller-than-everyone," someone else muses.

"Who?" I ask.

"Ackerman," he says like it's obvious. "The way he just looks down on you even when you're literally looking down on him. Well, not you. But you know?"

"Yes. I know. He trained me remember? And I'm in his squad."

"When are you getting your own squad?"

"Probably when we stop training the new recruits," I say.

"Who would you choose?"

"I don't know. And I don't want to think about it. Not yet."

"I understand. Choosing people is hard. They have to know each other and trust each other."

"Do you know who Ackerman is replacing you with?" Zebbo asks.

Apparently I'm the focus now because all eyes are on me. "No. I don't know anything."

"Then why in all of Wall Rose are you a captain?" Zebbo nudges me from the side.

"Because I'm amazing." I roll my eyes.

"No. You're just a little kid. You've only been on two expeditions. How old are you?"

"Almost seventeen," I snap. I glare at him, my anger rising a tiny bit. I've been taunted ever since I joined the military. Now that I'm a captain, it still hasn't stopped.

"The only seventeen-year-old captain in the world."

I tilt my head up and put on a haughty smile. "I must be special."

They keep teasing me, but I know it's just pretend teasing and not actually meant to be degrading. Eventually, I'm able to shoot an insult back at someone and the focus shifts away from me. I laugh at exaggerated impersonations and make fun of some of them. I'm included with them, but I also feel separate because I'm so much younger and inexperienced. It almost makes me want to become more experienced.

But that means more people die, and I don't want that to happen.