Shorter Than Me

30 Ecyn

Ackerman chose the wrong time to kiss me. My emotions are too confusing right now. My mother just died, then Levi Ackerman kissed me and told me to forget it. My mind is spinning with sorrow, confusion, and someone other emotions I can't put a name to.

I walk into the dining hall and purposely keep myself from looking to where Ackerman usually sits. Next I find my squad. Once I get my food, I sit down.

"Good morning, Captain," Qui says.

"Good morning."

"You're a little late today," Fellip observes.

"I got back late last night, so I'm a little tired," I explain, lifting a bite of eggs to my mouth.

"Why did you leave so suddenly after the expedition?" Jewel asks. I realize they don't even know. Ackerman is the only one I actually told about my mother being sick. I had to tell the Commander she'd died so he could let me leave, but no one else knows.

I swallow the bite I just took. "I had to go to my mother's funeral. She died right before we left on the expedition."

I can almost hear the shock of silence at the table. Qui, who is sitting next to me, puts an arm around me. "I'm sorry, Ecyn." Her arm makes me want to break down right here

"Thank you. I don't really want to talk about her. That's what they did at the funeral."

"Alright," Qui says. She takes her arm away from me so she can keep eating.

"Do you know what we're going to be doing today?" Phodos asks.

"Probably the same thing we do in the few days after every expedition," Elirah says.

"Sit around and lament all the horror and death we just saw?" Fellip gives a grim smile.

"Exactly. No one outside of the Scouting Legion understands the mental strain we all go through." Qui shrugs.

"We need a psychologist," Jewel jokes.

"We're each other's psychologists," I say.

Do they have psychologists??????

"They need to pay us more, then." Elirah laughs.

I smile a little. "Well, the Military Police already have the most pay for military."

"They're supposed to be the most skilled, but they're actually not." Phodos rolls his eyes.

"They just get lazy because they're safe." Qui shrugs.

"While we risk our lives." Fellip looks a little angry, so I try to dispel some of it.

"We all have the same opinions about the MP's but that doesn't do anything to help anything, especially for our mental states. We just need to remember what we're risking our lives for," I say.

"I remember my little sister and my parents," Jewel offers.

"I remember my uncle and aunt who died in the fall of Wall Maria, and everything in my life before the military. Family, friends, life in general," Qui says. I'm glad they spoke up. It brought something more personal into the conversation. "What about you, Fellip?" Qui asks.

"Um... My sister who died three years ago in the Scouting Legion and all the people in the orphanage I grew up in."

I didn't know he grew up in an orphanage. I didn't really get to know him during training, but now I have.

"Phodos?" Qui asks.

"My family and friends." He shrugs.

"Elirah?" Qui continues.

"Humanity. And the people I love."

"And what about you, Ecyn?" She turns to me. "Captain Ecyn," she corrects.

I finger the necklace my cousin gave me for my birthday, the one with a notch in it for all the people I fight for. "I remember... my dad who died in the Garrison, my family, my friends, and you guys." I smile at them.

"Well, that's sweet." Fellip smiles mockingly.

"Thank you, but you forgot the Captain."

He rolls his eyes. Normally he'd leave it with that, but since we're not alone, he says, "That's sweet, Captain."

"Thank you," I say again.

After breakfast, we walk into the forest with maneuver gear to practice a little, though it's mostly just to fill time. I start off with orders for practicing, but then we just start joking around. The boys chase the girls around and end up catching Qui and Jewel, but they can't catch me. I tell them to try to move around without using the gas, so we can conserve it and practice without using gas. They find it harder, which is good. I'm by far the most skilled of my squad. They still have a lot to learn, but so do I. I know a lot of it just comes with constant use of the maneuver gear.

Spending time with my squad has really helped me get to know them. They're all my friends now, and I don't know what I would do if any of them died. It makes me think of Ackerman loosing his whole squad. I don't know how I would bear it. Though he seems to be coping well enough. My thoughts turn a little bitter toward him.

"Why the sad face, Ecyn?" Jewel asks.

I sort of snap out of my trance of staring into nothingness. "Oh... Um... I was just thinking that I'm really glad none of you died on the expedition." I smile.

She smiles. "I'm glad too."

I'm sorry I didn't get this part up yesterday. I was a little too busy. I'm very sorry. Thanks for reading. :)