Shorter Than Me

28 Ecyn

I get a letter from Caine today. It's only been a week since I visited him and my mother.

Ecyn,

It's Caine. I told mom I wanted to join the military. She was shocked at first, and then I think she got angry. It was hard to tell because she could have been sad. Maybe she was both. She avoided looking at me, so I just went to my room. The next day, she wanted to talk about it. The more I told her why I wanted to join, the more she got sad. It kept making me feel more and more guilty. Eventually I said something about you approving, and she looked hurt that I had told you and not her. I had even told Briine when he visited. He encouraged me to do what I thought was right.

I don't want her to lose someone else, which is what she's afraid of. I told her I'd probably join the Garrison, not the Scouting Legion like brave little Ecyn, but dad was in the Garrison too. I don't think she's ever going to accept my choice, but I've already made it. I just need to wait until I'm sixteen. But then she'll be alone. I feel really guilty about this, but I really want to join. Just because I'm the last child in the family, it doesn't give me the responsibility to stay with mom.

Now I'm sounding like I'm arguing with her. I'm just writing a letter to my sister. I guess I want you to tell me it's alright to abandon her. You did, so why can't I? I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, so don't think like that. I don't want to be the little brother who follows his brave, older sister. I want to be the brave boy, or man, depending on your point of view. I don't know. What do I do? Am I being selfish? How should I feel?

Just after dad dying, Briine dying, and you in the military, I'm the only one she has left. But she sees me like she saw dad. I don't want to be dad for her. I just want to help humanity. That sounds lame, but it's true. It's why anyone joins the military. That or for power. I don't want power, I just don't want to stand by while other people who were just like me go off to fight. That will be even more guilt.

You're the only one I can ask. No one knows our family as much as us. So please respond. Thanks.

Caine

I read the letter. It pushes a heavy load of guilt on my shoulders. I was the first to leave. I also notice he says Briine is dead. He's being careful to keep the information from everyone. Anyone can read a letter. I doubt someone will think we know anything about the titan shifter that was sighted, but he's being cautious. That's good.

As for our mother, I don't know what he should do. Of course I don't want her to be alone, but it seems selfish of me to want him to stay with her while I get to be in the military. I want him to join the military, but I also don't. He's still my little brother and I still want to protect him even though I know he doesn't need it. Briine and I were always the older kids and he wanted to tag along before he had many friends.

I sit at my desk with a pen hovering over the paper for a while before I even let the ink onto the page.

Caine,

I don't know what to say, or write. You know it's your choice, but any advice I want to give you is going to seem biased or selfish in one way or another.

I pause to think about what I can tell him. I remember the conversation I had with Ackerman the other day. I have to remember to change the name from Ackerman to Captain Levi.

Captain Levi told me something recently about making choices. He talked about the Commander having to make decisions that will help humanity as a whole and that my decisions should reflect that. He said the Commander wasn't the kind of person who held some Scouts back and let the others fight and die. I had to make some choices on the last expedition. The Commander had told me to stay away from the action, but Scouts were dying. So I ordered my squad to help. Briine died as a result.

I know the advice won't help as much as it would if Briine had actually died, but I hope it makes some sense to him.

Captain Levi also said to choose the option you'll regret the least, and that your conscience will usually be right in your decisions. Do what you think is right. Do what you think dad would want you to do. Mom isn't our enemy, so don't forget that. Don't let her keep you from the military, make it only the titans either pushing you away or pulling you toward joining.

I'm not saying forget about mom. Make sure she won't be alone. Just do what your conscience tells you to do.

Love,

Ecyn

I glance over the letter once and decide it's probably adequate. Hopefully he can make a decision from it. Hopefully it's the right decision.

Ackerman gave me good advice, and it surprised me that I actually used it to advise someone else. He's not completely mean, like he portrays. He's noble, he fights for humanity, he gives respect when it's deserved, and it seems like there is definitely a lot more to him than what he lets people see.

Somehow, he's changed from the unfair, violent, evil teacher who had near-impossible skill into a person I respect, can see myself as possibly equal with, and even slightly understand. It just shows the more you know a person, as little as I know about him, the more you see them as human.

I almost laugh at the thought. Captain Levi Ackerman is a human.

End of chapter. Yay! Or sad. But there will be another chapter! Yay!