Shorter Than Me

22 Ecyn

I enter the Karanese District. I haven't been here in a while, but I start recognizing things. I'd lived here long enough for it to start feeling like home. I've been riding for a long time. Occasionally, I got off the horse and led him along as I walked, but right now my feet are tired. I'm almost there. Someone waves at me and I wave back before recognizing the woman we always bought fruit from.

I pass a building, and a wave of memories crashes over me. Briine and I spent time on nearly every one of these streets. I get a sick feeling in my stomach. What will I tell my mother and brother about him? I haven't talked to him in forever. I can't tell them the truth.

I reach the street I lived on. It's weird that I'm thinking of this place in the past tense. It's still my home, it just doesn't feel like it. The Scouting Legion is my home.

I dismount my horse and tie him up outside. Then I just walk in. My mother is probably at her shop, but she'll be home soon. My brother will either be here or with friends. The door was unlocked, so he must be here.

"Hello?" My brother calls from another room. "Who is it?"

"It's me, Caine." I call.

"Who's that?" he asks back.

"You know who I am, idiot." I roll my eyes and push through the door to his room. He's laying on his bed with a book face down on his chest. He looks at me.

"You look weird with a uniform," he comments.

"Shut up. Just give me a hug." I step forward and hold out my arms to him.

He sighs and rolls off the bed. Then he reaches out and hugs me. He's only thirteen, but he's six inches taller than me. We separate after a few seconds. "Mom will be home sometime soon."

"What about you? I thought you had friends." I gesture to his book.

"I do have friends. I'm going to go with them in an hour. If you had given us a warning that you were coming, mom probably would have made me stay here and be with you."

"You'd rather be with your friends?" I accuse him.

"How long are you staying?" He avoids the question.

"A week."

"That's long enough for me to get bored of you." He shrugs.

I'm about to say something, but I hear his name called from the next room. My mom is home. "Whose horse is outside? Is it Ecyn?" She walks into his room and sees me.

I smile. "Hello."

"Ecyn!" She hurries forward and hugs me. I hug her back. "When did you get here? Why didn't you tell us you were coming?"

"Just now." I step back. "I just found out yesterday."

"I'm so glad you're home. It's been so long. And you're a captain now! How did that happen?"

"Um... lots of things." I wouldn't know how to begin explaining the reasons I became a captain. I don't even know some of them myself.

"Let's go sit down. Then you can tell us all about the past few months." I follow her into the main room. We sit down around the table. It seems so familiar and so foreign at the same time. Either way, it feels comforting. "Start from the beginning," my mother orders.

"When is the beginning?" I wonder. "I graduated, got trained by Ackerman... Captain Levi." I have to switch the name back because that's what they know him by. "I went on an expedition and lots of people died. I went on another expedition and more people died."

My brother interrupts me here. "I went to go see you, but you didn't even look up. The first time, you just stared at the horse's head, and the second time you stared forward."

"Sorry. I'll be sure to find you next time." I say it half-sarcastically. "Anyway, it wasn't long after we returned the second time that I got lost in the forest. Then I got back and Commander Erwin told me I was promoted. I went back to being taught by Ackerman... Captain Levi. Now I'm supposed to train one of the new recruits, who has absolutely no respect for me at all."

"That sounds way too dangerous. You're only sixteen. You shouldn't be sent on an expedition that early," my mother speculates.

I find an urge to defend the Scouting Legion. "That's what they are. They don't stay in the Walls and wait for... something. I joined them to fight and that's exactly what I did. I stayed alive both times." I lost parts of me beyond Wall Rose, but I also gained parts of me. "And now I'm a captain, so I must be kind of good." I shrug and try to make a joke.

"They probably just pitied you. I bet you've never killed a titan," my brother shoots at me.

"Oh, I've killed titans," I assure him. I don't expand further because I remember the first time I killed one. It was after Dren died. After Ackerman saved me and dropped me.

While Briine was hiding.

Apparently my expression turns sadder because my mother changes the subject abruptly. "What has been your favorite part so far?"

She's talking about it like it's a little vacation. I took a small trip and now I'm back telling of all my adventures. I'm just visiting, but someday I'll come home. Someday, the vacation will be over. She acts like it will be over in two years or so. Right now, I'm on a two-year employment plan. Maybe she expects her little Ecynya to come home after killing some of the bad monsters. Maybe she's afraid that the promotion is dragging me in, locking me down to the military.

She doesn't know. She doesn't understand. She probably expects me to come home in a few years and settle down. Get married sometime. Have kids. Make a family. Give her grandchildren.

She doesn't understand it can't work like that. I can't come back. When I started, it was a duty to humanity. Now it's a huge scar that won't go away. I've seen death, so how can I return to this life? How can I be around people who have never seen a titan, or touched the maneuver gear?

I have two families. There's my flesh and blood, the mother and brother I love and fight for. Then there's the Scouts, those who share my scars and fight with me.

There's a huge difference.

And one of them is meant to be left behind.

But I can't say that. I can't tell my mother, my lifelong confidant, that I have to leave her behind. So I answer the question. "I met a boy named Dren. Well, I already knew him, but I got to know him better. We got really close."

"How close?" my mother inquires. She raises her eyebrows, but she has nothing to be concerned about.

"Pretty close. But he died on the first expedition." I get the words out quickly. I'm already lying about Briine, I'm not about to lie about Dren.

"Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry." She puts a hand on my arm.

I shake my head and brush away her apology. "It was a while ago. He died fighting."

"That's good." My mother nods.

I glance at my brother, who has been pretty quiet and frequently glancing at the window. "Have you found a girlfriend yet?" I tease.

He wrinkles his nose at me. "No." He rolls his eyes.

I laugh at his reaction and he glares at me. Then my mother asks for more details and I keep talking.

This part is dedicated to xXCrystalRainXx because of her support and her help with plot and some future happenings of this book.