Shorter Than Me

27 Levi

Why did I say that? Why did I talk to her in the first place? I just thought it was someone trying to pull a prank like they always do after expeditions. No one is ever caught, so it can't be Hanji.

She was crying over her friend, and no one was there to comfort her. She at least deserves some kind of comfort, though it definitely won't come from me. I've never been good at that, and I'd never actually do it voluntarily. It was just a spur-of the-moment kind of thing. It probably didn't even comfort her, just left her listening to the wind hoping it will tell her some secret from the dead.

I always heard Petra's voice in the wind. Sometimes she'd laugh and sometimes she'd scream. Occasionally I heard my name. It was just me imagining things, but it was a kind of comfort to me.

I can't get back to sleep after walking around, so I lay in bed and stare at the black ceiling. My eyes pretend the blackness is moving because they're used to the light, but it's perfectly still. Blackness is cold and empty and still. It sucks everything from everything, leaving everything with nothing for all eternity.

The color of death is black. It's silent and invisible, but it comes way too often. I see it on every expedition and in the eyes of every Scout. The blackness of death is consuming us slowly.

Petra didn't have it in her eyes. They were clear and perfect. So how did death get to her?

The answer is simple: through me.

***

Guiin doesn't give any indication to me about what happened last night. I knew she wouldn't because she doesn't like awkward things like that. I've seen enough of her voluntarily talking to me to know that. She returned my jacket, she apologized for sobbing all over me. She's always timid around me, for an obvious reason. I intimidate people. There are very few people I've met who haven't ever been intimidated by me. Commander Erwin was one of them. Hanji was another, but I surprised her the first time she met me. She tried to forcefully shake my hand, but I punched her in the jaw. She stared at me for a while after that. I wish I could punch her like that every time she annoys me, but fighting other military members is against the rules. Hitting them for punishment, however, is not. Unfortunately, I'm not qualified to punish Hanji.

I swear he does like Hanji, sort of.

I still don't understand why the Commander chose me to train Guiin. It couldn't have been our height. You don't put people together for those reasons. It could have been a match of skill, potential, or first-perceived personality. Maybe he saw something in her that reminded him of me, though I have no idea what. Her and I are completely different except for having above-average skill. But I still have a lot more skill than her. She's only been in the Scouting Legion for three months. She's only been on three expeditions. She was only in my squad for a month and a half before being promoted. There are so many others that might be more qualified than her to be a Captain, but she has more skill than them, and she can stay alive longer. The Commander chooses his officers by the fact that they'll last longer than normal, so they end up learning a lot more. He didn't choose her over the other Scouts because of all her qualities, but because of her potential. That's one of the things that make him a good Commander: he thinks about the far future, not just the close future when most Scouts will die. He's almost too optimistic, but it's good to have someone optimistic over someone pessimistic. He has a good balance of intelligence, wisdom, and optimism. Hanji is optimistic and can be smart sometimes, but she's not really wise in a social sense. Others have good traits, but none have nearly as good a combination for a leader as Commander Erwin.

I apologize for Levi being like he is and not talking to anyone and just having boring thoughts. (Or was it boring? Did you find it boring?)

I always have authors notes at the ends of the parts. Do you guys mind or does it just feel like I'm filling up space, begging for comments and votes, or wasting time? (Speaking of comments and votes... Please please please... Haha, I'm just kidding. Of course. But I love comments. Thanks.)