Fool's Gold

3

H a r r y

I scanned the books in this old bookshop. Reading was always my thing since Ruby disappeared. Actually, I stopped reading because of Ruby. Her adventurous self really challenged me; She didn't let me read back then. It was worth it, though. I get to spend time with my favorite jewel. I felt someone standing behind me, and the voice greeted me.

"Welcome to Handersen's how may I help you?"

I froze. I recognized this voice. As I decide to finally turn, I saw her. There she was, the same serene eyes. Only this time, I'm the one who was lost and she found me.

"Y-yeah. Do you guys have like uh-" Shit. She'll probably laugh internally because I'm about to make a fool out of myself. "Like poems, nice poetry books?" She widened her eyes with wonder and smiled. "What?"

"Oh sorry, I just didn't think that you'd be interested in those kinds. But I have some recs I know what you might like. Umm, do you want to follow me or I cou-" She hesitated and I cut her. 

"You could take me, I'll be the one who follow you this time." Her smile grew wider, but she bowed her head. I knew she recognized me. She had to. She then slowly nodded and walked in front of me.

"Do you have anything in particular, like vintage or modern; some specific authors or titles?" She asked, her eyes were scanning the books. "I don't think so, you could just show me some."

"Here," She handed me 3 books. "The red one's the best collection. The other two are from different authors. One classic, one modern." I nodded. "Thank you," I thanked her and sat on the chair beside the bookshelf, admiring the covers.

"Morning," She said suddenly and I looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Morning by Frank O'Hara." She bit her lower lip and I tilted my head a bit, signaling her to continue. "It's one of my favorites. It's a classic, but it's not too difficult to understand."

"I can go with that. Show me?" I scooted so she could sit beside me. I wanted to know her taste. She looked a bit surprised at first but sat beside me anyways. She took one of the books, opened it and carefully moved her fingers through the pages. After a moment, she shifted the book back to me. "Wait, um, do you want to read it for me? If you want to, I mean... it's a favorite, you should introduce it."

"It'll be my pleasure." She smiled politely. Honestly, I didn't even know why I made the conversation. I think we both found each other weird from the poetry knowledge we have. I still hated her, though. And I was doing all of this so I could write more about Ruby. I nodded, still keeping my smile for her. "I remembered all words. Here. You read and I'll vocalize." She cleared her throat before she starts.

"I've got to tell you how I love you always. I think of it on grey mornings with death.

in my mouth, the tea is never hot enough, then and the cigarette dry the maroon robe.

chills me I need you and look out the window at the noiseless snow

At night on the dock, the buses glow like clouds and I am lonely thinking of flutes

I miss you always. When I go to the beach the sand is wet with tears that seem mine

although I never weep and hold you in my heart with a very real humor you'd be proud of

the parking lot is crowded and I stand rattling my keys the car is empty as a bicycle

what are you doing now? where did you eat your lunch? and were there lots of anchovies it?

is difficult to think of you without me in the sentence you depress me when you are alone?

Last night the stars were numerous and today snow is their calling card I'll not be cordial

there is nothing that distracts me. Music is only a crossword puzzle, do you know how it is?

when you are the only passenger, if there is a place further from me,

I beg you do not go."

--

"That would be 37.6 dollars, please." She placed the books inside the shopping bag and I gave her the money. "Thank you," She smiled, receiving the money. 

"You're welcome. Uhh, Sapphire, right?" I cursed myself silently. What the fuck are you doing?

She only smiled and nodded. "See you around, Harry." Oh, she remembered me too. I cleared my throat and collected my things hurriedly. I had no idea what was happening to me. As I'm about to walk out, She spoke.

"Do you have any favorite, Harry?" I shot my eyes at her. I do, actually. But it's a bit personal. That's why I never tell people about it.

"The storms of ruthless dispensation
have struck my flowery garland numb,
I live in lonely desolation
and wonder when my end will come."

I hum and haw silently, but she could still hear me. I sigh before I laid my eyes back to her and I saw her eyes softened. You're everything against Ruby and I hate you, I thought. I don't ever want to see you again, I thought.

"See you around, Sapphire." I said, betraying my thoughts.

--

I entered my flat and there was Jermaine sitting on the couch sucking his cigarette.
"Hey man, new books, huh?" He chuckled.

"Fuck off, J."

"I'm used to your geeky obsession, Styles. I'm not judging you. Just, consider actually living your real life, yeah?" I sighed silently wishing I could do what he wanted me to do. Ruby was my life, and she's gone now. I patted his back before I left him to my room.

I opened the book while I was leaning back on my bed. I took my cigarette and inhaled it, then exhaled it while I read the first book.

I was lost in my heavy reading until I found myself thinking back to those moments spent with Ruby.

-

"Harry, will you please stop reading that book? I'm bored! Let's do something else." She said and I ignored. I couldn't clearly hear what she was saying, I have the tendencies to block everything else when I'm reading.

"Harry!" She snapped as she took the book and threw it away. Fuck, I didn't like the way she threw my book that way. She threw away something I cherished.

"Can't you see what I was doing? I was reading a book, then you threw it away. And I don't like it. And please, do not ever call it a stupid book, Ruby." I said trying to stay calm while deep inside I was fuming.

"Sorry. So can we just watch a movie? I'm bored, Harry." She pleaded.

"Alright."

-

Yes, She was never too fond of my reading hobbies. She'd do anything to distract and annoy me to get whatever she wanted. She was selfish. She was demanding. She was everything typical guys hate, but I love her.

I hate the control she has over me. I hate how I was still completely fucked up just by one girl. Over after all we've been through, she's gone. She's no longer here, and she's probably not thinking about me while here I was laying, for the hundredth times, thinking about her. I hate that I love her.

I shut my eyes, my breathing got heavier. I tried to calm myself. Why can't she just let me sleep? Now you see why I always ended up drinking. I could still hear her words whispering to me and our memories haunting my mind freely. I tried to picture a place. A getaway. A sweet escape. A safe haven.

I suddenly found myself staring back to the deep blue ocean,

Inside a pair of serene blue eyes.

Sapphire's.