afraid of kian lawley

27

Emma.

I'm sure you're still wondering what the hell happened over the past few weeks. So, let me explain.
After the fight, I left the house, just wanting to get away for awhile. I was already a mess and I shouldn't have been driving. When Kian called me, something just.. clicked. He was so mad at me. I figured the only way I wouldn't have to see him again for sure is if I, well, died. So I swerved my way to death, and it obviously didn't work. I woke up at one point during the time I was in a coma. I don't know when it was, but Kian was in here. I was in so much pain, I couldn't move, nor speak. And I was furious. I wanted to yell and scream and cry until he left. But he didn't know. I was in so much panic and pain that I didn't even listen to him until I heard crying. He apologized and told me he loved me and that he broke his promise. I thought he meant the whole 'I won't hurt you anymore' thing, not about self harming.
It's changed my feelings completely. I need to talk to him. Jc told me he'll bring him in, and I'm nervous.
"You don't need to yell at me. I know. I'm leaving. Don't worry." he spoke softly at the door. "Come in," I sighed. Kian sat down on the chair beside my bed, and I tuned my head over. "You broke your promise Kian." I said calmly. "I know I did. And I'm sorry for hurting you." He fidgeted with his hands and bit his lip. "I'm not talking about that. I don't give a shit about what you did to me. You broke your promise of staying clean." Sure enough he looked up at me. "You can't do that, Kian. You just can't." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "You didn't almost kill me. I almost killed me. I was trying to kill me. All of this, isn't completely your fault. You weren't driving. You didn't decide to swerve into the other lane. It was all me Kian. Stop hurting yourself over something you didn't do." I spoke softly with great content. "It was a suicide attempt?" Kian whispered. I nodded. Lost at words, he keep his mouth open and rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand. "I'm not moving out, Kian. I need Jc right now. You're gonna hate me for this, but it's for the better. We're just roommates. Nothing more. Be a dick to me and do whatever you want. I don't care. Suicide is always an option. Hopefully you can do your own thing, and I'll do mine. Obviously I won't be going back to school anytime soon, so we won't see each other often. I'm not sorry Kian." Once again I spoke calmly, letting my words float about. Without saying another word, Kian got up and left. This time, he's not coming back.

//2 weeks later//

Being back home is bitter sweet. Kian hates me and Jc's being the nicest guy ever. I'm a fucking mess, I mean, when aren't I, but still. And Kian's been pissing me off. He hasn't even told his fans that we broke up and everyone's been asking me about him. Don't get me wrong, I love everyone so much, but seeing them talk about Kian and I is just painful. He won't come near me, but the verbal abuse is just great. Also take a guess on who comes home drunk and high every night? God, I can't stand him, but I still miss him.
But Jc, he's been the sweetest guy on earth. Breaking multiple bones, and having a concussion is harder than you think. I'm a lot better now, my legs are still pretty bad. But I basically have to lay in bed all day, and when it's time for me to shower, I have to put on a bikini and Jc will help me. I literally sound like an old man, but I'm basically immobile.

"Hey Em, you're gonna hate me for this, but I gotta go out of town and I don't know how long I'll be gone. Con has a bunch of meetings, but he'll try to be over as often as possible. So that leaves you with-"
"Kian. You're leaving me in the house alone with Kian." I spat. "Now I really wish I would have died." I sat myself up, wincing in pain. "Don't say that, Em. I'm really sorry. I couldn't get out of it. I'll be back before ya know it!" With that, he kissed my forehead, and left me there alone.
About two hours later, Kian came stumbling into my room. "Get the fuck out." I spat. "Now Emma, why would I do that if I have you all to myself?" He slurred in a deep voice. "Kian. Get out." I spat again, trying to hide my fear. He grabbed my arms and pinned me down before pressing his lips against mine. He tastes like alcohol and smoke. "Stop!" My words were muffled. Doing the complete opposite, he climbed on top of me and grinded against my hips. "Kian! Stop!" I yelled again. The amount of pain and discomfort I'm feeling right now is unbelievable. His kisses are sloppy and aggressive. I can't even imagine how he's enjoying this. "Kian I swear to god if you go any further I'm calling the cops." I spat. "No you won't. You're trembling, love. Face it, you're helpless." He mumbled against me.
Without thinking, I brought my knee up, and hit him right in the crotch. "Fuck!" He yelled, getting off of me.
I stood up, and started running. Well, wobbling. "You're gonna fucking pay Emma!" He yelled from my room. Where am I even going? This hurts so much. I can't bare the pain. "You don't get to fucking hurt me Emma! It doesn't work that way!" He yelled as he chased after me.
Just like in a cheesy horror film, I fell over with Kian right behind me. "You're so fucking helpless! You can't do one fucking thing right! You can't go one day without getting hurt! You need Jc to fucking bathe you! You're a worthless piece of shit Emma! No one wants you here! You're just a burden for all of us!" His voice boomed through the empty house. Tears are pouring down my face and I can't stop shaking. "Don't cry! Don't fucking cry!" He yelled, slapping me right across the face.
I looked up at him in complete shock. "You promised." barely came out of my mouth as tears continued to rush down my face.
He doesn't know what to do. His breathings heavy and his face is red. "Do it Kian. Hit me again. I know you want to. I'm a piece of shit. I don't deserve to live. Beat the shit out of me until you fucking kill me. I don't care." I said. He won't move. He's not looking me in the eye, but staring down at my cheek.
Without saying anything, he left for his room. He just got up, walked up the stairs, and slammed his door.

Oh shit