afraid of kian lawley

32

His eyes are burning. His face is red. I'm scared as hell. "Kian, stop. Please. Don't be like your dad. This isn't you." I trembled. My hips burn. I feel like if he squeezed just a little bit harder, I would snap. "I'm not my dad, okay! I'm not gonna fucking kill you!" he spat. "Just let go Kian. I won't go anywhere." I spoke softly, realizing what's happening.
He slowly let go, and I was able to breathe again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my hand on his cheek. Even though I would have never done that before when he was mad, this time it needed to be done. "I'm not going to leave you again. I know that was stupid of me before, okay? If you don't want me to hurt myself, hurting me yourself isn't going to help. Just tell me." I spoke softly, rubbing my thumb back and forth. "I was hurting you?" He asked, softening up.  I pulled my pants down slightly, and brought my shirt up. There on my hip was a big red mark. "I'm sorry," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling it away so he wouldn't have to look at it.
I ran my hand through his hair and he looked down at me, studying my face. "You know you scare me when you get like this. You know that, Ki. Especially when you grab me like that. I never know what's going to happen next, and I can't to anything about it. If I get mad, and you're scared I'm gonna run off again, I want you to tell me to sit back down. Or grab my hand lightly, and take me upstairs. You don't need to hurt me every time we get in an argument. I don't want to be so afraid of you, Kian." I spoke softly.
His jaw isn't clenched anymore, and he's resting his hand, lightly, on my waist. "I love you," I whispered before kissing his cheek and hugging him.
"Guess who's back?" Jc yelled, walking through the door. "Kian's gonna be a dad." I blurted out before hugging him. "What? Emma! You're pregnant?" Jc asked me with his hand on my stomach. "Ew no! It's Andrea's." I sarcastically smiled at Jc before hugging him. He hesitated at first, then hugged me back. "Alright.. Well what have I missed?" He asked, obviously confused. "Kian abused me, we got back together, had a lot of hot sex, he took me to meet Matt fucking Healy, I basically died at the 1975 concert, I went back to school, some kid named Marcus harassed me after school, Anthony beat him up, I found out Kian got Andrea pregnant, and you're back for the first time in two weeks.. So, not much." I kept my sarcastic smile, and thought about all of my emotions as of now. I wanna kill Kian, but I'm also still slightly afraid of him, Jc's back out of nowhere and I want to burst into tears about that cause I've missed him a lot, and now tears are falling down my face.
"Don't cry Em, we'll figure this out, I mean it could be someone else's." Jc said pulling me back in for another hug. "I just missed you so much." I cried on his chest. I can feel Kian staring at us and I don't know what to do. I want him to hold me and play with my hair and softly sing to me, but I also hate him and never want to see him again.
Jc pulled away and lead me to his room. I haven't been in here since the first week he left, and I missed him so much that I buried myself in his blankets so I could smell him again. "Why were you gone for so long, where were you?" I asked him after he sat us down and pulled me close. "I was celebrating my sisters birthday and seeing my family cause I'm staying here for thanksgiving," he said in his slight accent. It's not as much southern as it is Jc. It's like his own little accent and I missed it. "Wait what are we doing for thanksgiving?" I asked him. "I know it's only a few days away and all but, all of mine and Kian's friends are coming over for a big ass dinner. You don't have to do one thing, love. I'm cooking." Jc's words made me both excited and a bit nervous. I mean I can't wait to see Ricky and Connor again, but I don't know any of their other friends, and we're talking about a lot of people.

thanksgiving.

"Emma, everyone's gonna be here soon, get ready love!" Jc called from the kitchen. I started picking out my clothes when Kian came in my room. While I was topless. "Dammit Kian what do you want?" I asked, covering up my chest. "I don't want you to be mad at me. I kept my promise, I didn't hurt you. I just don't understand why we broke up again," he said in a genuine tone. "First off, we're not broken up. We're just on a.. a break. That doesn't mean you should be going around and sleeping with anyone you see, it's just that I'm still thinking about all of this. I mean the problem is your the father of someone else's kid, Kian. How do you think I feel about that? What if I was pregnant with Jake's kid?" I asked him. "I'd be pissed," Kian said. "Exactly. I mean if this baby was ours, it would be different, but this is your ex girlfriend. You hate her. And now you two are gonna be parents of a child that will just want a real family. Do you know how painful that can be for a kid? Don't be surprised when it grows up and is suicidal just like me." He kept his mouth open, looking for words. "Emma, it wasn't planned. All of this was a mistake. Please don't think I wanted this to happen. If anyone, anyone was pregnant because of me, I want it to be you. I don't want to be on a break. I hate sleeping alone, and I hate not having you around. Please, just forget about all of that. We have nine months to do that." He grabbed my hands and my dress fell, leaving me topless.
Kian crouched down and hugged me tightly, and I couldn't help but hug back. "I don't want you to be afraid today. Everyone will be nice to you, I swear. I mean half of the people visited you in the hospital and you've never even met them before." I smiled as I pulled away and he picked up my dress. "Now, put on your little black dress and make everyone jealous." Kian smiled at me.

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