afraid of kian lawley

43

"Are you okay now, darling?" Matty asked me, holding my hand. I sat up and scooted away from him. "Emma.." he spoke, getting closer. "You could have killed him." I whispered. "I was worried, Emma. He was the one hurting you." I pulled my hand away from his. "I was fine Matt, he's done it before. Trust me. I'm used to it." He sighed before speaking again. "That's the thing Emma, you shouldn't be used to it. He's hurting you. Both mentally and physically."
"You know what hurt me mentally? Seeing you beat the shit out of him. Matty, even though he's done a lot of shit to me, I still care about him. And seeing you fucking kill him made me sick to my stomach. I could barely breathe. That was one of the worst anxiety attacks I've ever had."
We said in silence for awhile until I gathered my thoughts. "You called me your girlfriend." I spoke, breaking the silence. "Look Emma if was just in the heat of the moment. There's nothing to fight over." I sighed at his words and looked around the room. "Where's Kian?" I asked in more of a demanding way. "Emma I don't want you to go see him. This isn't safe for you." I got off the bed, happy to regain balance. "Matt, I'm going to see Kian. He needed to tell me something and I was being too much of a bitch to realize it. Where the fuck is he?" Matty sighed, standing up as well. "He's in his room but Emma I do-"
"Matt I'm going. Just stay here while I talk to him. I-I don't know what I want to do." I spoke, running my fingers through my hair.

I quietly walked into Kian's room, making sure I didn't wake him up. I feel sick to my stomach as I get closer to him. He's covered in cuts in bruises. When I got to the side of his bed, I couldn't help it but cry. "Emma. Stop crying. I'm fine." He mumbled without opening his eyes. I let out a deep sob and he sighed. "Lay down with me." Kian grabbed my hand and I stood still. "When was the last time you had a drink?" I whispered. "I don't know like five hours ago." Kian spat. "I-I don't think it's such a good idea if you're mad at me. Matty just d-"
"Fuck Matty. I want you to lay with me. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise." I hesitated, but soon gave in.
I awkwardly laid down beside Kian, trying to stay calm. He wrapped his arms around me, then pulled me close to his chest. I breathed heavily, thinking about the last time I was so close to him. "Emma, chill." Kian spoke, rubbing my arm.
The longer we laid, the less tense I got. No words have been said. Just being in each other's presence is enough for now. I haven't done this with him in forever, and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it.

I'm so tired. All of this shit going down is making me so tired. I can't even tell if I'm awake or asleep right now. It feels like I'm falling in and out of consciousness.
Matty's hand is moving pretty far up my inner thigh. "Not now Matt." I lightly chuckled. He didn't stop. He moved his hand further up my leg and hovered over me, kissing my lips. "Matt, stop." I said more seriously. "Matt!" I yelled, opening my eyes, trying to push him off. "Kian? What the hell?" I yelled, getting off his bed. "I-I'm sorry." he spoke quietly. "Why didn't you stop? I thought you were fucking Matty!" I yelled. "What the hell were you even doing? We broke up Kian! You fucking raped me okay! Nothing's going to ever change that! I will always be scared of you! Don't you understand that? I'm fucking scared!" I yelled. "Then why do you keep coming back?" Kian yelled back, getting off the bed, making my heart beat faster. "I don't know. I don't fucking know. I.. I just need to go. I'll stop bothering you." I spoke, walking towards the door. "What was so important a few hours ago? Wanna tell me before I leave? I'll never be back in here again, so here's your chance." I spoke, stopping with my hand on the doorknob. "Emma.. you're not going to want to hear this..." Kian trailed off. "What? You and Andrea are dating again? I know Kian. You don't have to make such a big deal out of it." I scoffed, turning the knob. "Your grandfathers dead." His words stopped my heart, and made my throat swell. "Stop fucking with me Kian. That's not something to joke about." I said, turning around. "I'm not lying. His nurse came over yesterday." I feel completely empty. Frozen. It's like Kian's gone. "Thanks for waiting so long to tell me." I spoke so delicately. And with that I slowly turned the knob and walked into my room.

I've been crying and screaming for at least an hour. Why. Why grandpa. Out of everyone that I know, why did it have to be him. One of the only people I actually care about. One of the only people I trusted. Gone.
My door clicked open, and I didn't think one thing of it. Matty wrapped his arms around me, then pulled me into his lap, hugging me tightly. I sobbed against his chest, letting out every tear possibly in my body. He didn't do anything. He didn't say a word. He just hugged me. Not daring to let go. I dug my nails into him, and I squeezed his torso, and I pulled his hair, but no response. He just stayed there.

Ahh woo so exciting