afraid of kian lawley

40

Kian.

"Kian please, just talk to me. I don't want sex. I just need someone to talk to right now." Andrea begged at my doorway. Surprisingly enough, I'm not drunk right now, so that's good for both Andrea and her or our baby.
I let out a deep sigh before moving aside. She walked in slowly, being careful with every step. "What do you want? I told you, unless this is about the baby, I never want to talk to you again." I spat, sitting down before sipping a newly opened beer. "I-it is about the baby. I don't know what to do. I fucked everything up and now.. I don't have anyone Kian. My parents are acting like I don't exist, I pushed all of my friends away, and y-you hate me." She began to cry and I feel as if that the hard rock in my stomach that's been making me such a dick for the last few days kinda just left. I'm less tense. I feel lighter. I want to be nice.
"I don't hate you." I spoke, trying to ease into kindness. She looked up at me with makeup smeared all over her face. "You were going to kill me last week." Andrea spoke in a shaky voice that reminded me of Emma. Emma. God, what should I do? I want her back, but, but she's the one who's been hurting me. I need to let go of her.
"No.. I was just drunk.. And I would never kill you. I-I still like you Andrea, and I guess I just never wanted to admit it." I said, sitting close to her, reaching for her hand.
We stared at each other for what felt like hours before I leaned in to kiss her. The moment my lips touched hers, something clicked. I missed this. I missed her. Our kiss didn't last long, but neither of us were against it.
After she pulled away, I laid down, pulling her with me. "Talk to me. What's wrong?" I asked Andrea, intertwining our hands. She smiled at me before starting to talk. I've really missed this.

Emma.

"Off to Arizona love," Matty said, kissing me on the forehead. "What? Matt, it's like 5am." I spoke, wiping my eyes. "It's eight and we need to get to Arizona for our next show. Now let's go my love. You need to get dressed!" An unlit cigarette is hanging out of his mouth while he gathers our shit. I groaned at his words before doing as he asked.
"Con, I'm fine...I'm with Matty...No, he's not drunk...No he won't drive us anywhere...Yes I did smoke...Only like a total of like two...Con I'll be fine...Don't worry...I'll be back in La in two days...I'm sure you can live without me...I won't promise that...You're not necessarily the person I want to talk about my sex life with...Yeah okay...I love you too...Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." I spoke into my phone. Matty laughed at me while I promised Connor he wasn't drunk. And when I told him I've only smoked two cigarettes. And that Matt and I had sex. "It's not funny!" I laughed. "Then why are you laughing, love?" Matty asked, handing me his cigarette. "Because you are and I love your laugh." He smiled at my words then took his cigarette back. Only a few more hours left on this bus, then we can actually go and do shit. Bless.
"Only a few more moments love, I swear." Matty spoke softly before talking back into his phone. He's been on a business call for the past hour and I'm bored out of my mind.
Suddenly I remembered my phone existed, so I decided to check Twitter. It's always a fun time on there. Omg Emma I'm so sorry, did you see this Emma?, and I still love you Emma. Appeared in my mentions. What the hell are they talking about? I clicked on the tweet I was tagged in and my stomach dropped. @KianLawley: "kissing my ex girlfriend" appeared with a link and a picture of Kian and Andrea kissing. What the hell? He hates her?
I clicked on the link, and there they were. In our house. On our couch. God. His arms around her and I want to throw up.
"I'm so sorry about that, darling. We can do whatever you'd like now." Matty said, bending down beside me and pressing his lips against mine. I didn't even kiss back, for I was so focused on Kian's video. "Emma, come on. Put your phone away. I'm here now." he said, kissing down to my neck and trying to pull my phone out of my hand. "Matt, no." I said, getting angrier by the minute because he wouldn't let go. "What could be more important than me?" Matty asked, sincerely, sounding offended. "Nothing just let me finish this." I said. "Emma, come on." He's obviously upset and I hate doing this to him. "Matt! Just let me finish the fucking video, then I'll fuck you all you want, okay! Just let me finish this!" I yelled at him.
He immediately let go, and his facial expression changed. "I'm sorry," he spoke softly, moving to the couch across from me. "No Matt I just.. I.." Out of nowhere, tears started falling down my face and I began to choke up. "I don't like seeing Kian with other girls. I miss him. I don't want anyone to have him other than me even though I hate him." Matt sat still, fiddling with his hands. "Why don't you call him," he spoke quietly. It's obvious I've hurt his feelings and now I feel awful.

Kian.

Why is someone calling me so early? It's like 9am. What the fuck? "Andrea," I whispered, trying to pull my arm out from under her. She groaned before rolling over and grabbing my whole arm. Dammit.
I stretched my other arm out, thankfully long enough to grab my buzzing phone. "Hello?" I asked in a deep morning voice. "Kian," I heard Emma breathe out in a shaky voice. Without thinking, I immediately shot up, and ran downstairs. "Yeah?" I asked, slightly pissed. "Was that really necessary?" I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a deep sigh. "Look Emma, I guess I'm a little sorry about everything, but I'm moving on. Andrea needs me, and I'd just be a dick if I wouldn't help her." The sound of footsteps rang on the other side of the phone. I could hear her breathing heavily, trying to find her words. "You can't fucking do that Kian! Do you even have the slightest idea of how much you've been fucking me up over the last few days? You fucking raped me! How do you think I feel now? I'm too fucking scared to even sleep in the same bed as Connor. Connor fucking Franta! One of the sweetest guys I've ever met! I'm fucking afraid of him! Do you know how hard it was for me to not burst into tears while fucking Matty? I actually doubted the fact that he wouldn't hurt me! Matt Healy! And you.. You abuse me mentally and physically for weeks then out of nowhere you think it's fucking okay to say you guess you're kinda sorry? You think it's fucking okay to say you're the one moving on? You don't fucking do that Kian! I'm falling apart and you think it's fucking okay to go fuck your ex girlfriend, but also make a video of you two kissing? Do you have any idea about the effect you have on all of these fans? Do you know how many people have been giving me shit over the last few months? Did you not realize I just ignored it because I was in love with you? Do you fucking know how hard it is to not look at all of those right now? I'm trying to go back to normal and actually enjoy my life then you do shit like this! Guess what Kian? I felt so fucking bad for even kissing Matt let alone fucking him! Then you go off fucking your ex girlfriend not thinking one thing of it! You know what Kian? Fuck you! Just fuck you! At least Matt actually gives a single shit about me, and doesn't use me like I'm a fucking sex toy!"
I scoffed after hearing her long rant. "Remember the last time you said that? Do you remember what happened last time you thought someone gave a shit about you? They fucking abused you too! No one gives a shit about you Emma! Just face the fucking fact! And don't come crying to me when Matt abuses you too because you know it's going to fucking happen. Why don't you just go back to live with your shitty parents because you know damn right that that's the safest place to be! God, I can't wait till Matty fucks you over! Make sure you call me up after that happens too, okay?" I screamed, ending the call.

Ahh more shit to go down !