afraid of kian lawley

47

Emma.

"Fucking hell," I groaned. "Emma!" Jc said, jumping out of my chair from across the room. "Kian. Jc, please, get Kian." I whispered, squeezing my eyes tightly as I began to cry again.
"Emma I'm not gonna hurt you. I prom-"
"Can you just hold me please? You don't understand. I just need you to hold me." I cried. "Y-yeah." Kian said, sitting down on my bed. I laid in his lap and held him tightly. He did the same to me, and I sobbed into his arm. "I know this is so fucked up but I still love you." I said into his arm. "No Emma I.. I-i'm sorry. For everything. I truly am sorry. Ever since you've been gone, I haven't had a single sip of alcohol and it finally cleared up my mind. I'm such a dick. I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you like that. I-I don't even remember why we broke up. I just.. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I raped you, and I'm sorry I forced you into moving in with Connor, and I'm sorry I made that stupid video with Andrea, and I'm sorry about kissing Andrea, and I'm sorry for getting her pregnant, and I'm sorry I said really bad things about you with Matt, and I'm sorry I stopped you from going on tour with them, and I'm sorry I ruined your last few days with him, and I'm sorry you had to see him beat me up, and I'm sorry I kept on kissing you, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you about your grandpa earlier, and I'm sorry I didn't help with the funeral, and I'm sorry I wasn't there to beat your fathers ass. I'm sorry you had to put up with all of this shit Emma. I'm truly, truly sorry. I miss you. I miss you so much. I hate myself for doing all of that to you. I-I'm sorry Emma. I'm sorry." Kian said.
I sat up, not letting go of him, and I studied his face. For my head hurts and body is still shaking, but I kissed him. I kissed Kian. I missed his lips. More than anything. I missed the small groans that escape from his mouth when I tug at his hair. I missed the way he held my hips close as I straddled him. God I missed this so much.
I pushed him down on my bed, and made my way down his jaw and to his neck. "Fuck Emma," Kian breathed out, squeezing my hand tightly, but in a good way. Suddenly he rolled us over so he was now on top of me. He also made his way down to my neck and even further than that. I just now realized I look like shit in my old clothes. My hairs probably a mess, my face looks ugly as hell without makeup on, and I just don't look attractive at all.
Soon enough my shirts off, and Kian began to kiss down my stomach. When he got to the hem of my pants, he began to unbutton them, and that's when I began to cry. Flashbacks from that night keep on replayed in my mind. I scrunched up my face and tried to calm myself down. He stopped, then brought himself back up so we're face to face again. "I-I'm sorry Kian. I just.. I really don't want to, and you're probably still gonna do it, but can you please.. just please be a little gentle. I-I just.. I don't.. I don't want Jc to be worried.. And I just.." warm tears are falling down my cheeks, and my breathing is getting deeper by the minute. "I'm sorry.. I just.. Kian please.." I trembled. "Emma," Kian breathed out, helping me put my shirt back on. A few tears were also falling down his cheeks. "I'm not going to do anything. I'll go back in my room. I'm sorry." Kian said, getting off my bed. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "No I'm sorry. I'm just.. I'm just overreacting. You don't need to leave. I'm sorry." I said, wiping the tears off my face.
Kian sat down beside me on the bed and lightly placed his hand on my thigh. "You're not overreacting. It's okay, Em. What I did just isn't right, and you're allowed to hate me for it. Just the fact that you forced yourself into pretending that you were just enjoying that is what's bothering me. I.. I can't deal with myself for doing this. I want you to be happy and I want you to enjoy whatever the hell you're doing and if I'm making you force yourself into doing something until you physically start crying, then maybe I should just leave you alone." I lightly sobbed during his small speech and squeezed his hand tightly. "No Kian I-I was enjoying it. I promise. It was just.. I'm not ready to have sex with you. And.. I just thought.. I just thought if I went with it, you wouldn't be so mad so it wouldn't hurt. But if I told you I didn't want to, I thought you'd get mad, then you would ra— then you'd do it again." The disappointment in his face is killing me. "I couldn't help it. It all just came back to me at once. I'm sorry. I just.. I'm sorry Kian."
"I hurt you Emma. I really really hurt you. You shouldn't be giving me another chance. You shouldn't even be in the same house as me. I don't deserve you, Em. I really don't. And I just.. I don't want you to lie to me because you're too scared. I don't want you to be scared of me. I can't change what I did. No matter how much I hate myself for it, it's over Em. I did it. And I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am. So if all of this is a lie, I need you to tell me to go. I can't risk hurting you again. I need to know right now what you want me to do." Kian said as multiple tears rolled down his cheeks.

Ah some exciting news for you guys soon !!