afraid of kian lawley

41

Emma.

Tears fell down my face as the call ended. How could he say all of that? He doesn't give a single shit about me whatsoever, yet he used to say he loved me? How can he do that? How can he just pretend like he never cared about me?
"Emma," Matty called out, knocking on the door. My heart dropped when I remembered what Kian said about Matt. "Are you okay, love? Come on out here so we can talk about it." I started to shake and I'm loosing track of my breathing. "Emma? Are you alright?" I started hyperventilating and suddenly the room feels way too small. "Talk to me, darling. I'm not going to hurt you." I stayed quiet as I tried to correct my breathing.
Suddenly the door opened, and I didn't think it was possible for my heart to beat this fast. "Emma? What's wrong?" George's deep voice lingered in the room and I began to calm down. "You need to calm down, love." he spoke, sitting beside me on the bed. I hugged him tightly, and he didn't hesitate to hug back. "What's wrong? Why are you so scared?" I sobbed against his bare chest, trying to regain my normal breathing.
"I-I wanna go home." I spoke with a shaky voice. "What? Why?" I didn't say anything, I just played with my hands. "Is this about Matty? Emma, if you don't want to smoke or drink, you don't have to. You know that right? Matty's just a very.. anxious person." I sighed at his words. "I don't mind that, it's just.. I don't want someone to take advantage of me again. I trusted Kian with everything I had, and now I'm terrified to even be in the same city as him." I spoke softly, making sure we don't make eye contact. "Emma, Matty's nothing like that. I've known him almost my whole life and he's not that kind of guy. Trust me. He's been with four times the amount of woman I've been with, and he's never physically hurt a single one of them. He's just not one for commitment, that's all." I kept quiet, looking at everything in the room but George. "He's worried about you, Emma." I laid down on the bed, ignoring George's words. He said he'd wake me up before we got to the venue and I nodded.

"I'm not going to make you do something you don't want to do," a familiar voice whispered into my ear. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Matty sitting beside me on the bed. He weakly smiled at me as I studied his face, trying to remember what happened.
I sat up, lightly grabbed his face, then pressed my lips against his. It wasn't long before I pulled away, and he kept his sad smile. "I know. Kian was just getting to me." I spoke softly. Matty stared off into the distance without changing his expression. I pat my lap, motioning him to lay in it. He slowly laid his head down, and I began to play with his hair, the way he likes it. "Emma, I don't want you to come with us if you're going to be scared of me. If you want to go home, I'll drive you there myself. I want you to do whatever makes you comfortable." I scoffed at his words. "I'm never comfortable Matt. But that's not your fault, and I just don't want you to be mad at me."
"I'm not going to get mad unless you do something to really piss me off. It's very unlikely, darling." I moved my hands through his hair and continued to think.

The concert felt like it went a lot slower than it normally does. I didn't dance, and I wasn't in the front. I stayed in the back by the bar and drank some vodka while barely moving. I did let out a few sobs during their sadder songs, but I didn't mind. I just want all of this to be over. I want to be alone. I don't want to be scared of everyone I'm around.
Not much talking was done tonight. I went with the boys to their after party, got pretty wasted, then Matt and I fucked in the hotel room. I don't necessarily remember a lot of it, but all I know is I'm tired as shit and I could sleep for hours on end.
Matty held me extra tight as we laid in bed. I love the way he loves woman's body's. It's flattering in so many different ways. He wraps his arms around my torso, intertwines our legs, and basically used my boob as a pillow. He's so adorable. But sadly this will probably be our last night sleeping together for a while. I'm not going on tour with the boys. I won't be able to. I'm not mentally strong enough for it, and I just need some time alone.
I stroked Matty's hair as I fell asleep. After the tiny snores escaped his mouth, I pressed my lips against his head and whispered "I love you Matty." I can't tell if it was a coincidence or not, but a few seconds later he squeezed me tightly. I smiled at his ways, then drifted off into a heavy sleep.

"I can't believe this is it. We had a good few days together." Matty said as we walked hand in hand towards the venue I first met him at the other day. "This isn't it Matty. You're in la for two more days. A lot can be done in two days." I smiled at him. "Really? And what could those things consist of?" he asked me, pulling me towards him, then wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "Well there's this one guy named Matt Healy or some shit, and I've heard he's pretty damn good in bed." Matty lightly chuckled at my words. "Oh really? Does that mean I have some competition then?" We walked up to Connors car and he pushed me up against it. "Well it depends, are you good at fucking?" I smiled. "Darling, I'm the best you'll ever be with." he smiled before pressing his lips against mine. I deepened the kiss, then wrapped my legs around his torso. Matty held me up by my ass, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Connors gonna kill me." I chuckled, running my fingers through Matty's hair. "Why is that, love?" he asked, smiling up at me. "I don't think he'd necessarily appreciate the fact that we just fucked in the backseat."
"Hey, it was a good fuck so it's okay." I chucked at his words then decided we should probably go see Connor before we go back to the house.

80% chance I'll have another update with Kian and Emma together today loves