afraid of kian lawley

44

All four of us sat in silence at the table. Matty and Jc are on my sides and Kian's in front of me. I haven't said a single word since I left Kian's room, and Jc's trying so hard to get me to talk. What's there to talk about? My grandfather's dead. He was the only family I had before Sam started liking me again.
The only sound you can hear right now is my light sobbing and the forks scraping across our plates. I haven't even touched my food. I don't want to eat. All that I feel capable of right now is crying. And even that hurts.
What about Kian taking advantage of me again? Does he think I'm going to forget about that? Did he plan on doing this? Did he think that if he could rape me again, then maybe the heat would go away after my own grandfather died?
"So Matt, how's touring?" Jc asked him, making my heart jump. "It's a.. It's good, mate. Not much sleep. I spend a lot of time writing while on the bus and ya know.. It's just the tour life I guess." Bless him for not saying something about his massive obsession with woman.
Matty placed his hand on mine, and when I looked up at him, he was staring right at me. "Are you okay, love?" he asked. I shook my head and got out of my seat, wrapping my arms around his neck, and crying on his shoulder. I can feel Kian and Jc's eyes on me, but I don't care. At least Matt has the decency to comfort me. If Kian gets me alone with him, he'll just try to fuck me, and Jc's been really weird recently.
Kian slammed his hands on the table, making me jump. He grabbed his plate and cup, threw them in the sink, then stomped his way upstairs.
I pulled away from Matty's grip, and stared at the now empty spot. "Hey Matt, can I maybe talk to Emma alone?" Jc asked. "Oh.. Sure mate," Matty said. I slowly got off of his lap and sat back down in my chair. Matty silently got up and left for my room.
"Why are you fucking Matt? Emma, he's older than you. A lot older." I stared at the table as my sadness disappeared and my anger rose. "What did you just ask me?" I said, slowly looking up at him. "Emma you're seventeen! He's almost ten years older than you!" I sat there in rage, thinking about what I'm going to say. "Correction, almost nine. My birthdays in a few days." I spat. "Sorry. But that doesn't change the fact that you're fucking him!"
"Jc, I'm allowed to fuck whoever I want! You're not my father!" I yelled. "Really? Cause I'm the closest thing you have to one right now!"
I stayed quiet. "Emma, I'm just looking out for you." I deeply sighed before speaking again. "You wanna know why, Jc? Wanna know the mystery behind me fucking Matt? Because he actually gives a shit about me. He doesn't scare me. He lets me do what I want to do. If I wanna fuck, we'll fuck. If I don't want to, he won't fucking force me to do it. He doesn't hurt me. He appreciates me. He cares about me. More than Kian ever will." I spat. "Kian. Cares. About. You." Jc said, hitting the table at every word. "Then why does he keep on doing this to me? Why does he make me think he wants me dead? Why isn't he the one fighting me right now?" I asked. "Because he's been drinking away his life, Emma! He doesn't fucking know what he's doing! Do you know how many times I've had to pick him up at the bar at 3am? Do you know how many times he's called me while he's drunk? Do you know how many times I've had to bail him out of jail? Do you know how many random girls I meet everyday? He's fucked up Emma. He needs you." A small part of my heart ached for Kian. But a large part of it keeps on thinking about Matty. About how good he is. About how much he actually cares. "He has a problem, Jc. He shouldn't have started drinking at such a young age. He shouldn't have abused alcohol too. He should've stopped a long time ago. He doesn't need me, Jc. He needs rehab." Saying those words felt both good and awful. I want to cover my mouth and pretend I didn't just do that. I also want to keep on going.
"He's only doing it because you're not around! You keep on leaving us, Emma!" Jc yelled. "I'm only gone because Kian made me leave. Do you think I like not having an actual home? Do you think I like sleeping on friends couches or on a tour bus? I don't Jc. I miss my room. I really do. But almost none of that there is actually mine. Nothing's mine. I have no control over my life. Nothing's mine. Nothing. I just wanted to call someone mine and not be afraid of them. Is that too much to ask?" My voice got quieter as I went on. "What are you talking about? Everything in your room is yours." Jc said. "No it's not. You bought everything for me. Everything. All I own is my music. That's it. If I were to move out right now, all I'd take is my record player and a few records. That's all I own Jc. Basically the rest is yours."
"None of that is mine. I bought it for you. All of that is yours." he spoke. I shook my head as a few tears fell down my face. "I don't have time for this. I have to figure everything out for my grandpas funeral and if I'll even be able to get there. Thanks for making me feel even more like shit. I appreciate it." I said before leaving Jc alone at the table and going upstairs.
When I opened my door, I saw Matty laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling with an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. "Is there a reason why that isn't lit?" I asked him, trying my best to speak even though my throats completely swollen shut. "I didn't know if you wanted the smoke in here or not. Do you mind?" he asked me. "I don't fucking care, Matt. Do whatever you want." I said, running my fingers though my hair. "Come lay down, darling." Matty said, scooting over after lighting his cigarette. I did as he asked, then he frowned. "Why are you so tense. I don't like this," he spoke as smoke emerged from his mouth. "I'm pissed Matt. That's why I'm tense. Jc hates me for fucking you, and he wants me to get back with Kian." I said, curling up to his warm body. He handed me his cigarette and sighed. "Emma, I'm leaving tomorrow. I won't be seeing you for awhile. Fucking me isn't something to be stressed out about. Now you live with Kian. Why don't you give him a chance." I faintly smiled as the smoke descended into the air. "I gave Kian a shit ton of chances, Matt. And I just.. I don't have time to deal with him right now. I need to plan my grandfather's funeral."

There ya go everyone. Matts finally gone for awhile. I know everyone's pretty happy about that haha
BUT HEY MAKE SURE YALL COMMENT  OKAY I LOVE READING THEM