afraid of kian lawley

49

Emma.

"What the fuck Emma? This place is like three times bigger than our house!" Kian said as we pulled up to my house. This is mine. This house is actually mine. "I kinda forgot about this. I haven't been here in so long." I said, equally amazed.
We went inside, slowing noticing everything inside. This place is huge. And I'm the only one living in it for now. The back is so beautiful. There's this huge deck with a clear pool that looks right on to the beach. And the beach is just.. its gorgeous.
"How about we go check out the bedroom?" Kian smirked, grabbing my hand and leading me back inside. I know what you're thinking, fucking Kian on my dead grandfathers bed, creepy right? Don't worry, my grandpa slept in one of the the downstairs bedrooms because he couldn't go up the stairs. The second floor hasn't been occupied for at least thirty years.
Kian and I walked into the master bedroom, both of our mouths slightly dropped. "Holy shit," Kian said, squeezing my hand.
I didn't waste a single second, for I missed Kian's lips. So I pulled him down to my height and kissed him. He was surprised at first, but quickly gave in, grabbing my ass and picking me up. I wrapped my legs around his torso and rested my arms on his shoulders while tugging at his hair. He groaned lightly into my mouth, and I deepened the kiss by swiping my tongue along his bottom lip.
Kian placed me down on the bed before hovering over me, and reconnecting our lips. God I missed the feeling of him being so close to me. I rolled us over so I was now in control. Before kissing him again, I watched Kian study me. He's slowly moving his hands up and down my arms, and smiling up at me. I smiled back as I pulled all of my hair to the other side of my head before kissing him again. Kian pulled my shirt off as I began to lightly grind against his hips. He groaned into my shoulder as I lightly nipped at his neck. "Fuck Emma.." he breathed out. I pulled his shirt off to expose his bare body as I continued to grind. "I want to fuck you so badly." Kian groaned. "Not yet, darling. Just enjoy this."

"Will you stay here tonight?" I asked Kian, tracing small circles on his bare chest. "Are you staying here no matter what?" he furrowed his eyebrows as smoke descended from his mouth. "I mean yeah I guess. I don't really wanna drive all the way back to the house. And I should probably get used to this place since I will be living here." I said grabbing his cigarette. "I mean it doesn't matter either way because if you do go, I should get used to living alone and not having you right beside me." I said before placing the dying cigarette between my lips. "I don't wanna sleep without you." Kian groaned, wrapping his arms around my torso and resting his head on my chest. "Ki you're not gonna drive an hour to school every morning. It's fine. You can come over after school and maybe I should get a car so I could come back to the house for weekends. We'll be fine." I said. "Stop talking about adult shit. I want to sleeep," Kian dragged out, squeezing me tightly. I smiled at his actions then brought my hand to his hair, tugging it lightly. "I love you." he mumbled against my skin. "Mhm," I said, preparing myself to go to sleep.

"Kian I just want to go back to school, okay?" I said with annoyance in my voice. We've been fighting about this for the last week. "I don't want you to fucking leave me again! It's not safe!" he yelled, stepping closer to me. I backed up with caution. "What's not safe about it? I'll be fine."
"I don't want you going back to school Emma!" Kian yelled, getting closer to me. "What am I supposed to do with my life then? There's nothing I can fucking do without college! I need an education Kian!" I yelled back. He's too close. It's becoming harder to breathe. "Kian stop," I said backing up. His face slightly loosened up."I just don't like the idea of you being somewhere without me! Not just without me but a whole fucking hour away! What if something happens to you, huh? What if someone does try to hurt you? You can't fucking scream my name and I'll be there right away! You can't text me, telling me to leave class! It doesn't fucking work that way Em! You'd be an hour away from me!" He continued to come closer to me until I hit the wall. "Kian stop. Calm down. I-I don't like it when you do this." I said, trying to catch my breath.
While my breathing habits were irregular, I noticed something different. The smell of alcohol. "Have you been fucking drinking?" I yelled. "You promised me you wouldn't fucking do that! You know how you get when you're drunk, Kian!"
"Calm down Emma, it was just a few drinks."
"Just a few? Just a fucking few? Kian! You promised you'd stop!" Kian quickly grabbed my wrists, causing me to gasp. "You promised," I whispered as tears threatened to fall down my face. "It was only a few drinks. Calm. Down." Kian said, squeezing my wrists at every sentence. "Stop it," I breathed out, "you're hurting me." A few tears fell from my eyes. I can't call for Jc. I can't yell at Kian, he'll get even more mad. I can't drive away in Jc's car. Kian's is the only one here.
He didn't loosen his grip, he just continued to stare down at me, breathing heavily. "Where did you get the alcohol Kian?" I asked him. "I brought a few drinks over and put them in the fridge. It's not like you'd notice anyways since you never eat." I know he didn't mean to hurt me, but he did. "I'm sorry I'm self conscious about myself. It's not my fucking fault you want someone half the size of me." I spat. "What the hell are you talking about?" his grip slightly loosened. "You know Andrea is way skinnier than me. You fucking know it Kian. And you fucking ask me why I don't eat." I said. "It's not good for you. You're hurting yourself." Kian spoke, loosening his grip even more. "That's the point." I responded, pulling away from his now weak grip. "Look Kian if you're gonna hurt me, just do it now. There's no need to talk about this." I said, sitting down on the expensive couch.
His jaws still clenched and his breathing is quick. "There is a fucking need to talk about this!" he yelled, making me flinch. "There isn't Kian. Seriously, I'd rather have you do whatever the fuck you want instead of taking about this. Nothing gonna change my mind."
"I wanna fucking talk about this," he spat. I breathed heavily, thinking about what to say next. "I hate myself, okay? I fucking hate myself! I'm way too fat and ugly for anyone! You can't fucking control that okay? I know there's nothing you love more than controlling everything I do, but you can't change this one Kian. I fucking hate myself and there's nothing you can to about it." I said, running upstairs and slamming the door behind me.