afraid of kian lawley

34

I'm going to my first party out of the house tonight. Kian and I have been getting along pretty well recently and I've become good friends with a lot of the people from thanksgiving. Especially Grace, she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met and I'm glad Kian introduced us.
"I'm jealous." Grace sighed as she put earrings into her ears. "And why is that?" I asked her, laughing. "Cause you and Kian are cute and in a relationship and get to fuck whenever you want and I can't even get one guy to talk to me." I scoffed. "Shut up! Every guy is like in love with you!" I yelled, jokingly. "Ugh, I just want someone to be there for me, ya know. I mean I love you and everything, but I need a guy. I don't want to just have a bunch of one night stands. I need a relationship, and no one ever wants that with the 'smokin hot girl'."
Having Grace with me has made me more independent, and less needy of Kian by my side while we're in public. I obviously still keep him close, just to show him off, but I'm okay when I'm not with him. "Listen, I don't want you to leave mine or Grace's side okay? If she's gonna hook up with someone, and I'm not with you, I want you to find me, or Jonah, or anyone else here. Okay?" Kian told me before we got out of the car. I nodded and he snaked his arm around my waist as we walked in.
Just like my first party, music is booming and smoke is everywhere. There is a very strong scent of alcohol that makes me crave it deeply, yet feel sick to my stomach. "Let's go get drinks. I'm gonna need one." I yelled over the loud music. Kian and Grace nodded and we went to the kitchen also filled with wasted teens, but it's slightly quieter in here than in the living room. "What can I get my pretty girl?" Kian asked me, searching through the different bottles of alcohol. Grace grabbed vodka and smiled at me, then I smiled at Kian. "Vodka my handsome boy." 
He poured all three of us drinks and the second it ran down my throat, the burning sensation felt good and familiar. I will never forget the day I sat on our roof for hours. It was the day I lost my virginity and basically what started mine and Kian's relationship. "Damn, you take that down easily." Grace yelled, swishing around her glass. "Yeah well I've had a bit of experience." I smiled. All three of us chatted as we gulped down the strong drink until I was finished before Kian was even half way done.

Kian. 

Emma held her empty cup out for me to fill with such innocence. I love it. I love her. Now I'm not saying I want to take advantage of her or anything, but I want her to get drunk. She's so much easier and she doesn't worry about anything and I like it. Sweet, innocent Emma is just gone and she's a whole different person.
"Kian, fill the damn cup!" she yelled over the music. I held my hands up in defense before filling it for her, and within seconds, she chugged it down.
Jonah invited us for shots so Emma and I went, losing grace on the way. Girls are eyeing me up everywhere and I like it. It's obvious that they want me, but they're frustrated with Emma. She's all over me right now. I mean yeah she's getting pretty drunk and tonight is going to be very memorable.
"I wanna dance." She slurred at me. I lead her away from the tables and grabbed her hips, bringing her back to the front of me. She moved to the beat of the loud music and I would be lying if I said she doesn't look hot as fuck right now. God, I want her so badly.

Emma.

Kian's hands on my hips feel so right. I've had multiple shots and my veins are pumping vodka. I feel so good. Everything feels good. Especially Kian's touch.
He turned me around and pulled me close. "You wouldn't even understand how much I want to fuck you right now." Kian's deep voice rang in my ears. "Do it." I chuckled, wrapping my arms around his neck and tangling my hands in his hair. "No Emma, I can't. I'm not taking advantage of you." He spoke. My smile faded and I stopped dancing. "Kiiiaann pllleaaaseeee" I dragged out. "No, Emma. I'm not doing that again. You know how much I hate myself for doing it to Julie." I sighed at his words and started to dance again.

Kian went to go do whatever the hell he wants, and I'm kinda just doing my own thing right now. Walking has become a difficult task, and everything's blurry. But I'm having fun so that's all that matters right now.
"Don't tell Kian, but I'm gonna let you take a few puffs of this if you'd like." Jonah whispered with a deep voice in my ear. He approached me from behind and wrapped his arms around my small frame. He doesn't smell like he normally does, it's a drug/alcohol scent. It's fitting for now, but I don't think I'd like it on him at any other time. I grabbed the joint from his hand and did what he said. The first few times I coughed, but I got used to it. Just like the vodka in my cup.
"I'm unbelievably drunk." I said to Jonah as we sat on the couch. My legs are thrown over his, and he's holding my upper thigh. "I could agree with that," he smiled. "I miss Kian though. I really wanna fuck someone right now." I sighed, taking another sip. "Go find him then." Jonah said, hitting my ass. I groaned at him and stood up, stumbling through the drunken teens.

last night was the best night of my life.