Broken, Honest, Beautiful

Pure

Lauren was currently alone in the hotel room, this time she wasn't sharing with Dinah. She chose to be alone, for once. It wasn't a problem with Dinah, she was sharing with Normani, and Camila shared with Ally. Lauren had the puppy with her, so as it turned out, Midnight was the one keeping her company. "Hi buddy!" She smiled as the puppy took it upon himself to jump up onto her lap and sit up to lick her face in an attempt to cheer the one of five of his owners up. Lauren presumed Midnight could tell she was in low mood. Lauren petted the puppy until he just curled up and fell asleep in her lap. Lauren stared at the blank wall in thought. But she still wasn't really thinking of anything in particular, just everything as a whole. She felt her eyelids begging to close but she heard a loud, persistent knock at her door, just typical. She took the dog off her lap carefully and placed him at the end of the bed to sleep. And in some miracle way, he didn't wake up at the movement. Lauren answered the door to see Camila there with a smile on her face. "Camz why are you here? I was just about to go to sleep!" Lauren whined as Camila invited herself into her room. "It's nice to see you too," she scoffed but it was light hearted. "I just had a feeling maybe you'd want some company, like, for cuddling to sleep." Camila said, Lauren shook her head at her fondly. "Is this you saying you want to cuddle with me?" Camila linked her hands in front of her and looked at the floor. "If you want to.." She trailed off. Lauren yawned and got into the bed, signalling for Camila to join her. "Don't wake the dog." Lauren warned, Camila was careful to avoid him. Even with the shuffles of the bandmates the dog still failed to stir. "Wow, he'd actually be a shit guard dog." Camila shook her head at him. "He's just a puppy Camz, they wear themselves out so easily. They do tend to sleep more at this age." Lauren told her, Camila nodded and spooned Lauren for a change. "This feels weird. I'm usually spooning you." Lauren said and Camila shrugged. "Sometimes it's nice to be the one who's cuddled." Her friend said as she rested her head onto Lauren shoulder. "I feel so vulnerable in this position though, I don't like it." Lauren's voice shook. "Wait up, Lauren why do you sound like you're just about to cry?" Camila frowned. Lauren wiped at her eyes roughly. "I'm not." Camila was suspicious at the movement. "You know you can talk to me, right Laur?" Lauren didn't respond, instead she just closed her eyes and let sleep overtake her. Once Camila realised Lauren was asleep, and wasn't about to reply to her question anytime soon, she gave in and allowed herself to sleep as well. Camila woke up to her face being licked by the puppy making her giggle and stretch out. "Hey puppy, where's Lauren?" She asked and Midnight immediately went to search for her. A persistent yapping in the bathroom and a crash told her Lauren was in the bathroom, she just assumed that Lauren was going to the bathroom. When Camila heard the dog whining, she knew something was up. "Lauren what are you doing in..there." She stopped when she saw Lauren with bloody arms and very scared eyes, she looked petrified that Camila stood in the doorway, eyes fixated on her arms. "Good boy, go on." Camila ushered the dog out the room, Midnight seemed to know he had to leave, so he bounded off and waited patiently for them by the bed. "Get cleaned up." was all Camila said before Lauren heard the door to her hotel room shut. She knew she had gone. Lauren sat there for a minute before she dragged herself out of the bathroom and saw Midnight was gone too. Camila must have taken him with her, maybe she just took him out for a walk, it was about time that he had one. Lauren was obviously startled when the door opened, revealing Normani. "Hey, Mila said to come over here and watch you." Lauren just shrugged and silently waited for her to come in properly. "So, what happened this time?" She asked knowingly, Camila must have told her, well obviously. "Is Dinah with you or?" Lauren questioned "She's walking the dog with Camila." Normani answered. "Ally?" "She went to get us a takeaway. Thai food, I think. Stop avoiding the question." Lauren sighed and leant her head on her best friends shoulder. "It's just a bad day for me, they happen, you know?" Normani nodded and wrapped an arm around Lauren's waist. "Yeah, oh your Dad is downstairs by the way. He wanted to say goodbye to you just before he left for the airport." Lauren looked at the time and went to the draw to slip on a grey sweatshirt. "Thanks." She smiled before grabbing her phone and getting to the room door. "Don't go anywhere, I've got no room key." She added, Lauren wanted Normani to stay so she purposely left it out. "It's fine. I wasn't planning to." Lauren kissed her cheek and went down to the lobby. "Hi precious." Mike wrapped her in a tight hug. "Thanks for coming Dad, I had a great time with you." Lauren breathed in his scent. "You too Lolo, take care of yourself, hm? I'm so proud of you kid, you've had no slip ups for nearly a year now. You're my strong little girl." He squeezed her tightly. Lauren's smile dropped and she gulped guiltily. "See you soon, yeah? There's your taxi for the airport..better go now or you'll miss your flight." Lauren was praising the heavens above she could get out of this situation. "Love you." He kissed the top of her head. "I love you." Lauren smiled up at him, adoration present in both of their eyes. Mike grabbed his bags and got in the taxi, when he was out of sight it was no surprise that Lauren breathed a sigh of relief. Lauren noticed that Ally was coming up the road with more Thai food than she could carry so obviously, Lauren went to help her. "Hi Lo, thank you so much. Honestly I thought I was gonna drop it all." She laughed making Lauren laugh too, genuinely. "Did your Dad leave just now?" Lauren nodded and breathed in the heavenly smell of the food. "Yeah, but it was good to see him." Ally nodded and smiled as they entered the elevator. The girls all met up in Normani and Dinah's room so they could eat altogether. Camila saw Lauren and she didn't even greet her. "Hi Camz." Lauren smiled at her, but the Cuban didn't even smile back. "I'm sorry you saw what you did okay, but please don't be mad at me." Camila took her own food and sat beside Ally, ignoring Lauren completely. Lauren just gave up and took her food, sitting with Dinah. Camila was ignoring her, but Dinah didn't hesitate to shower her girlfriend with affection. "Hey baby," Dinah kissed her jaw making Lauren smile at the sweet gesture. "How was your day?" Dinah asked interestedly. "Much better now. But uhm," Camila interrupted her, "She relapsed." Lauren glared at her. "Camila why did you do that? She was about to tell me herself." Dinah shook her head at her. "I'm not mad, just tell us you're struggling next time, okay?" Dinah rested her chin on Lauren's shoulder. Lauren relaxed in her hold gladly. "I'm so lucky to have you Dinah." Lauren kissed her cheek. "Girl I know." She flipped her hair, the answer making Normani and Ally both laugh. "Let's just eat." Camila said, in a grumpy tone. "Stop it." Normani hissed into Camila's ear subtly. "You didn't see her when I caught her. She looked so-" Normani interrupted her "Scared? She had nothing to say? I know Camila I've seen her like that before. But I've never once walked away like you did. Next time do the right thing and help her out instead of grassing her up in front of us all." Normani scolded her, Camila had learnt her lesson and nodded. "Lolo?" She looked over at the green eyed girl who turned around with a real smile on her face after she laughed at something Ally had said to her and Dinah. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry." Camila spoke honestly. "That's okay, forget about it." Dinah pouted adorably. "You've got a heart of pure gold, Jauregui." Lauren giggled. "Well mistakes happen. Just because I slip up doesn't mean I can't move on." Lauren said confidently. Ally smiled and squeezed her hand. "We're all very proud of you Lauren." Lauren smiled and looked at Camila who still looked guilty for what she said. "Camz, forget it. It's okay I promise." She got up from Dinah's lap and made the girl stand up and embrace her in a hug. "I love you." Camila mumbled against her neck. "I love you too babe." Lauren said against Camila's. Camila nuzzled her head into Lauren's neck. "Lolo, I really am sorry." Lauren gently stroked her fingertips across the back of Camila neck. "It's okay, stop beating yourself up over a stupid little thing you didn't mean." Camila squeezed Lauren in the hug, she didn't want to let go. "Can I stay with you tonight?" Camila asked in a small voice. Lauren nodded and made Camila look at her. "Let me know when you're ready to go to bed and we'll go." Camila reluctantly nodded and let her friend return to Dinah. "Are you okay Mila?" Dinah asked knowingly. "Mhm." Ally looked at her suspiciously. "Camila that's not a very convincing tone babe." Camila stood up, throwing Ally's door open to leave, she'd had enough of the questions. "Go after her babe." Dinah encouraged Lauren who frowned with worry. "Should I really?" Dinah nodded surely. "I'll see you in the morning Lo. Look after Mila for me." Dinah pulled Lauren in for a goodnight kiss. "I love you mama." Lauren pecked her lips one more time. "I love you too Laur, go on. She's probably standing outside your room waiting." Lauren realised she was probably right and got up. "See you all tomorrow." She said goodnight to Ally and Normani before she went to find Camila. "Camz," Lauren croaked sadly as she saw the girl hunched over in her knees crying to herself outside Lauren's door. "Come here." Lauren pulled her up quickly and hurriedly wrapped her arms around her. Lauren swallowed heavily and took a deep breath. "Come with me." She held Camila's wrist and took her to the flights of stairs. "Lolo where are you taking me?" Camila was dragged up the stairs helplessly. "Just be quiet till we get there, okay?" Lauren asked in a timid voice, almost as if she was scared. "Lauren we can't go on the roof please." Camila cried in fright. She wasn't sure what Lauren was doing or why she brought them up here. "Laur stop it!" Camila dragged her back from the edge. Lauren pulled her grasp away from Camila and looked down. "This is where it happened. Do you remember Camz?" Camila gulped, "Why are you doing this?" Her voice shook. Lauren couldn't do anything but stare over the edge. She slowly sat down on the edge of the roof and stared down. As if she was in a trance. Camila discreetly got out her phone and texted the girls to go up to the roof. The 3 girls were up there in a couple of minutes, they watched as Lauren sat there in silence. "She won't jump." Normani said surely. "Lauren come back babe." Dinah pleaded, she was scared. Lauren looked back at the girls, her eyes were lifeless but still sad, and almost scared. "What am I doing back here?" She whispered. Normani walked to her best friend cautiously, hit with all the memories as she did. Tears sprung to her eyes and Normani gave in and let them spill over the surface. "Please Lauren, don't do this to me, not again, please you promised us." Lauren pressed her lips together and carefully got up and away from the edge. Camila grabbed her wrist and pulled her away hurriedly. Dinah breathed a heavy sigh of relief when Lauren was away from the edge and wrapped her arms around Camila tightly. Normani choked out a sob and fell to the cold roof's floor as all the old memories from before overtook her. "Mani!" Lauren gasped and got to her level. Lauren pulled her best friend into her arms, just realising what she'd done. Lauren was in a trance from the second she stepped onto the familiar roof. "Mani I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's okay babe, I'm okay." She held her face in her shaking hands and leaning her forehead against hers. Normani stared into Lauren's eyes and tightly held onto her glad she was actually safe this time. Camila ushered Ally and Dinah back to the door leading inside, Dinah was very reluctant to leave her girlfriend at first, but she knew her and Normani would take care of each other. Lauren was in her right mind now, that she was sure of. "You're okay." Normani whispered shakily. "I'm okay." Lauren promised and wrapped her arms around her best friend tightly. Normani closed her eyes and held onto Lauren for dear life. "Lo don't you ever-" Lauren squeezed her tightly. "Shh I know, I know. I wasn't me, that wasn't me back there." Lauren pulled back to look at Normani. "But you're okay?" Lauren nodded, looking into Normani's brown eyes. "I swear." Normani nodded, took a deep breath and pulled Lauren back into her arms. They didn't move and they didn't let go. They both just sat there in each other's arms in the darkness until it was too cold to bear the night any longer. When Lauren and Normani were back in Lauren's room Normani started crying heavily. Lauren pulled Normani into her arms once again and held her as tight as she could. Normani didn't say anything for a few minutes, simply because she just couldn't speak through her sobs. "This is how it should have been last time."