Broken, Honest, Beautiful

Lonely girl

The last few days had been hell for both Lauren and Camila. When they heard Camila's song, they did like it, but they also agreed with Dinah's opinion of not trusting Camila with the song, except for Lauren. But they had all seemed to distance themselves from Camila since, and the Cuban was distraught, she had somehow lost what she didn't even first realise she had. But Lauren had stuck by her the whole time, which Camila was grateful for. Unfortunately though, Ally, Dinah and surprisingly Normani had distanced themselves from Lauren after she had backed Camila up in the song and had that fight with Dinah. Lauren and Dinah hadn't been speaking. But that didn't stop Lauren trying, though Dinah shut her down every time and avoided her at all costs. So now while Ally, Normani and Dinah all sat in the front area of the bus talking, Camila and Lauren sat at the back in silence. "This is insane." Camila mumbled. "It's not like the damn song is ever going to get released, it was just for fun." She huffed. "Mhm." Lauren hummed, she was just tired. That was another thing, Lauren hadn't slept in days. "Are you okay?" Camila asked warily. "Sleepy." Lauren answered shortly, her one word responses were becoming common too. "Insomnia?" Camila guessed, as if that wasn't obvious. "Mhm." Lauren nodded and gently rested her head on Camila's shoulder. "Try and get some sleep. We have time before we head down to the award show. It's no big deal. We're only in the audience, I think we can even leave whenever, so it's nothing special." Camila offered the inviting idea, but for all Lauren wished it to, it would never happen. "I can't." Lauren huffed. "Just try, I'll be here. Hell, I've got nowhere else to be." Lauren knew it was a losing battle but closed her eyes nevertheless. Camila had thought for a mere second Lauren had actually fallen asleep but her head lifted from her shoulder and she got up. "Where are you going?" Ally couldn't help but ask. "Out." Lauren said shortly, she was surprised Ally was actually talking to her. "Where?" Normani asked. "As if any of you actually care." "Don't do anything stupid Lauren." Dinah mumbled. "You clearly wouldn't care if I did." Lauren scoffed as she stopped. "Don't say that, of course I do!" Dinah stood up to face Lauren. "Well then why the fuck have you been pushing me away when I've been trying to talk to you? Trying to say I'm sorry and I've tried, God Dinah I've tried so hard. I was really struggling for these past few days and even though I knew you hated me-" "I-" "Don't even deny it and don't you dare interrupt me." Lauren seethed. "Even though I knew that you hated me I still came to you when I felt like I needed to hurt myself because I promised you and you-you just pushed me away, like I meant nothing to you!" Dinah's eyes filled with tears. "That's not true Lauren you mean everything to me." "Well why don't you fucking act like I do for a change." Dinah scanned Lauren's eyes, they looked so sad, she wasn't even angry, she was just hurt, so incredibly hurt. "I'm sorry Lo." Dinah croaked. "Well fine Dinah, but sorry doesn't change anything. Sorry doesn't change my recent scars and my even worse self hatred, sorry doesn't change my self worth plummeting even lower because I thought-no I knew I would never be good enough for you, for any of you. Not for Fifth Harmony, not for my family, not for the fans, for the industry or even fucking life. Don't you guys get it? I can't do this!" Lauren shouted in a heartbroken voice. Camila had come to see what the commotion was and she looked at the girls, the girls looked at Camila. It was unspoken they had all forgiven each other. Normani made the first move, she stood up and wrapped her arms around her best friend. "No get the fuck away from me. I can't-I can't do this Mani. I can't do any of it right now." Lauren pushed the girl away and left the bus and Dinah was quick to grab a jacket and follow. "Dinah wait up a second, she needs to cool off." Ally advised but the Polynesian knew better. "No you didn't see the look in her eyes Ally, she's really upset and she shouldn't be alone. Lauren thinks I don't care about her and she's wrong and I have to prove that to her. I can't lose her, none of us can. So I have to go after her, let go of me." Ally released her arm and the three girls watched as the girl left the bus and hurried to catch up to Lauren. Lauren felt a sharp tug on her wrist jolting her back as tears burned in her eyes. "Fuck. Off." Lauren growled through gritted teeth, not even bothering to address the person. She knew the hand that was wrapped around her wrist, it belonged to her girlfriend. "Lauren I need to show you that I care." "You're a little late for that." Lauren hissed. "I'm really sorry for the way I've been acting towards you and I can't give you a valid reason to explain, you definitely deserve one but I can't give it to you and I'm sorry for that." "Leave me alone Dinah." Lauren gulped. "No I saw the look in your eyes Lauren, the other girls may be blind, except Mani maybe but I've become closer to you than anyone could possibly imagine and-" "You say that but where were you when I needed you? Where have you been?" Lauren snapped. "Hiding away, I was so scared to lose you to Camila and I completely contradicted myself because I pushed you away. I'm so sorry for that, I know that you need me now and I'm here, I won't leave you this time. I know we all isolated you and Mila and we had no right to do that, we understand how it all happened and the way it happened with the song and our misplaced trusts and judgements, unfairly lead by me. So we understand Camila. Now I really want to understand you Lauren, you need to let me in for me to help you again." Lauren froze and stared ahead of her, since she still hadn't turned around to look at her girlfriend. "Yes I know that I've been an awful girlfriend these past few days and I want to make up for that, and I mean it when I say I do care Lauren because I love you and you're my whole world." "You don't need me Dinah-" "Yes I do!" Dinah said as she tugged her wrist and made her face her. "I do need you. You have done so much more for me than you realise babe, and when I told you about Nela the first time and when he leaked the pictures and the videos and he came back and, you know-I went into a total breakdown, I was a freaking mess but you stuck by me. But I've not done a great job recently at sticking by you." "No kidding, you fucking turned on me." Lauren said bitterly, but Dinah knew her resolve was breaking. "I have no excuse and I can only apologise for the way I acted and the things that I said to you. You didn't deserve any of it, none of it and Lauren, Lauren Jauregui, I love you. I do and maybe you can't see that right now but you should know it. You do know it. You must know, even if it's buried somewhere in your head or your heart you know that I love you, I just hope you still love me. But don't-don't do it, don't go through with what you wanted to because I know that's what you wanted when you left the bus, I can't let you end your life when you've got so much to live for. I need you, I do, so let me back in Lauren, just please let me love you like I always have and will forever." Dinah finished her speech and that was it. Lauren burst into tears and threw herself into Dinah's arms. "I-I'm so s-sorry!" She sobbed. "Don't be sorry babe, you did absolutely nothing wrong okay? It's me who's the sorry one. Can you forgive me?" Lauren sniffled and held her girlfriend tighter. "What does it look like?" Dinah smiled and nestled her head in her neck. "How can I feel so alone when I'm in your arms?" Lauren whispered. "You're not alone babygirl. You're feeling lonely, but you're never alone." Lauren took shaky breaths and closed her eyes. "Dinah I'm just so, so tired." Dinah rubbed her back and held her tightly. "I know Lauren." "I haven't had a wink of sleep in days either. It's just making everything worse." "And it's my job to make everything better, and I intend to do that." Dinah said surely as she pulled back from the hug and kissed Lauren's forehead. "Sleep in my bunk tonight, I'll keep you safe and help you sleep." Lauren pulled the girl into another hug and breathed in her intoxicating scent. "I love you too." "I didn't say it." Dinah said nervously. "You didn't have to."