Broken, Honest, Beautiful

Words

"Are you good?" Lauren asked as her best friend was quiet at last. "I'm good. Sorry Lo." Lauren shook her head. "No it's perfectly okay, don't apologise. I'm sorry Mani. I really don't know what I was thinking." Normani yawned tiredly and got up. "I'm just gonna wash up, I expect I look a mess right now." Lauren held her tongue, but yeah, she did look pretty awful. "Okay, sure thing babe." Normani gladly excused herself to the bathroom and Lauren fell back into her bed and sighed. What a fucking day. It was no surprise she was exhausted, she had spent the whole day consoling her best friend, and it's not like she'd been getting much sleep recently anyway. Normani went back to her own room for the night, and this of course meant leaving Lauren alone in hers. Lauren was starting to regret her choice of her room not being shared. Lauren swung her legs over the bed lazily, grabbed her phone, her iPod and her charger from her nightstand and left the room to find a cuddle buddy. "Ally?" Lauren called out timidly. Ally opened the door to her in a second; making Lauren wonder if she was waiting for someone. But Ally also looked as if she had just woken up, yet either way, it didn't matter. "Sorry to bother you but will you cuddle with me?" Lauren pouted adorably and Ally just couldn't say no to that face. "Come in babe." The shorter of the two spoke and got back into bed while Lauren put her phone on charge and sorted out her iPod with a soothing playlist. "Thanks. I really appreciate this." Lauren smiled as she spooned Ally affectionately. "It's okay, but can I ask why you came to me rather than Dinah? I mean, she is your girlfriend." Lauren yawned and closed her heavy eyes. "I know, but I needed you. You radiate positivity, even when you're sleeping." Lauren giggled which made Ally smile immediately. "Lauren! That's so sweet, I love you boo." Lauren took a deep breath as she settled down to go to sleep at last. "I love you too Al, g'night." Ally closed her eyes in content with the situation. "Night Lauren." It wasn't even light outside when Lauren had woken up. Ally was still asleep but she had her arm draped over Lauren's waist sweetly. Lauren watched as Ally's nose scrunched up ever so adorably in her sleep. Lauren smiled at the sight, and gently leaned down and kissed the older girl's forehead, before getting out of bed in search of a notebook. Lauren found an empty one in a draw and used that, it was as good as any. She had an original tune stuck in her head and she knew a song was going to come out of it soon, may as well embrace the creative process. Before Lauren knew it she had written a whole song, she was so tired now that her eyelids were drooping. So Lauren trudged her way back to bed, as she was falling asleep, Ally woke up at the movement. "Go back to sleep Ally, it's so early." Ally hummed before she mumbled quietly. "Did you get up Lo?" Lauren nodded sleepily. "I just wrote a song." She shrugged and snuggled into Ally's body but Ally squealed and faced her eagerly. "You wrote a song?! Can I see it?" Lauren whined at being woken up after she had been up for the last 5 hours writing. "In the morning! I'm so tired Ally I've been up for ages." Lauren groaned. "Promise you'll show it to me when we get up." Lauren hummed as a light agreement. "Mm." Ally smirked, it was terribly easy to get Lauren to agree to things when she was overwhelmingly tired. "Will you sing a bit to me as well Lauren?" Lauren let out a small breath as she was falling into slumber. "Mhm." Ally smiled, now notably satisfied. She laid down once more to sleep, and kept a tight hold on Lauren's body for some warmth. At 10am Ally's alarm sounded and the two girls stretched out. "Now, show me your song." Ally said as soon as Lauren opened her eyes and looked at her. Shit. How did she remember so quickly? "Whatever Al, it's over there. Take a look yourself." Ally pulled her up with her enthusiasm radiating from her body. "You said you would sing me some!" Lauren groaned. "Well if I did, you tricked me. I was tired Ally, I didn't know what I was saying! God, why do you all do that to me?" She huffed. Ally pouted. "Leave the Lord out of this and sing it for me!" Lauren coughed to clear her throat, and then she went over to the book which lay waiting on the desk. Her green eyes were carefully scanning over her little notes and her messily scribbled words. Ally leant up against the wall, waiting for Lauren to start. "Is uhm, is just the chorus okay?" Lauren asked uncomfortably. Ally gave her a reassuring nod and Lauren took a deep breath and let her raspy morning voice sing a part of the song for the first time. "Stand my ground, I won't give in..No more denying..I've got to face it..
won't close my eyes, and hide the truth inside..If I don't make it, someone else will, stand my ground." Lauren sang in a soft voice with closed eyes. When she opened them, Ally was smiling proudly at her. "Lauren! Wow, that's awesome!" Lauren blushed. "Thanks, it just kinda came to me in the night." Ally nodded and sat on the bed so Lauren followed. "Can I ask you where it came from? As in, inspiration wise. I love it, it's great." Ally complimented, "But what's it really about for you? Every song has meaning to it. Well this one has to, it came from you after all." Lauren just looked down at her lap insecurely. "It's just, personal you know?" Lauren said softly, Ally was understanding of course. "You can tell me, but only if you want to." Lauren nodded, she did want to. It would help her feel better, it should really bring the emotion out of the song. "It's about me, finding strength in myself. Like, I know I have it in me, but I also don't know if I can take the pain of trying to confront what I'm dealing with..Does that make any sense?" Lauren managed to pluck up the courage to look at Ally, who was smiling but had tears in her eyes. "Well I know you have it in you, life is about risks and it's about trying. You got this Lo, and we've all got you." Ally smiled, Lauren pulled Ally into a quiet side hug and nodded. "Did you really like it?" Ally smiled. "I loved it. Maybe you can record it? It'd be a really good song. I mean, I haven't heard it all yet, but I'm sure that it's even more amazing as the whole thing." Lauren pressed a kiss to her temple. "Thank you." Ally smiled brightly at her and noticed how she got the book and headed for the door. "Oh, are you going already?" Lauren shook her head. "I'm just gonna put this away somewhere safe, I'll be back. We can go and get some breakfast together?" Ally nodded in agreement. "Okay well I'll go get ready and you do the same. Don't be too long, Lauren. I know what you're like with your hair, it always looks good honestly. I don't know why you obsess over it." Lauren shook her head fondly. "Meet me downstairs in 30 minutes?" Ally held a thumbs up and disappeared into the bathroom. Lauren put the book in her suitcase between a ton of clothes. She had realised when she searched her own draws, every room had a notebook in. She was relieved she wasn't taking it from someone else. After Lauren had a shower and got dressed, she dried her hair and put on some light makeup, she did her hair, which was basically just Lauren running her hand through it a few times, just letting it fall into place naturally before she grabbed her phone and went down to the lobby to meet up with Ally. Ironically, Ally was late. She sighed and sunk into the couch. Lauren was still tired, even after her shower; so much so that she had to fight the urge to rub her green eyes in obvious fear of ruining her makeup. Looking at a clock hung up on a wall, Lauren saw she had been waiting for nearly an hour and she hadn't even realised. "For fucks sake." Lauren muttered and angrily pulled out her phone, dialling Ally's number. Ally picked up and she heard laughter. "Hi it's Ally." Ally laughed into the phone. "Where the fuck are you Ally?" Lauren groaned. "Lauren?" "Uh yeah! Weren't we gonna get breakfast together?" The girl asked impatiently. "Oh shit. Lauren I completely forgot, Troy turned up and he-" Lauren sighed. "Whatever, it's fine Ally, you do your thing." and with that, Lauren hung up before Ally could say a word back. Ally stared at her phone in shock, how could she forget and let her friend down? She came to her last night in need, and she had just forgotten her the following morning because of a boy who she hadn't seen in nearly a year. In a way, that was probably the reason as to why Ally allowed herself to forget. "I cannot believe her." Lauren grumbled to herself as she stepped/stomped into the elevator in annoyance. "Dang, who hurt you?" Camila's voice piped up. "Hi Camz." Lauren mumbled, as she leant against the wall. "Are you okay Laur?" Camila asked, clearly concerned. "Ally ditched me for breakfast. "Oh, well I'm free to grab something to eat with you, I'm not Ally but-" Lauren smiled at the girl appreciatively. "Shut up. I'd love to go eat with you Camila." Camila smiled giddily, reaching out a bit to hold onto Lauren's hand and pressing the button to go back down to the ground floor. "I know at least I can count on you to get food with me." Lauren smiled, Camila giggled. "See, at least someone around here appreciates I'm always hungry, it's not a bad thing, is it." Lauren shook her head and yawned. "Are you tired too?" Camila asked, Lauren have her a look as if to say 'no shit Sherlock'. "Kinda." Lauren settled on saying. "Me too, but why are you tired Lolo?" Camila asked interestedly. "Just couldn't sleep." The green eyed girl wanted to keep her song to herself, aside from Ally who tricked the girl into showing her. "What about you?" Lauren asked the Cuban. "Oh, I uh..there was a storm." Lauren smirked a little as Camila blushed. "Did you get scared Camz?" Camila pressed her lips together in embarrassment. If she said no, she would be lying. "Aww, you were scared!" Lauren pouted, squeezing her cheeks to tease the girl. "Ugh, shut up and come on." Camila dragged the girl out the hotel and to the nearest cafe. "I can't find Mila or Lauren anywhere, do either of you happen to know where the hell they are?" Normani asked Ally and Dinah. "Nah, sorry." Dinah shrugged as she kept her eyes on her phone. "Ooh, hello, what's got your attention so bad on that phone, Dinah Jane?" Normani teased, Dinah rolled her eyes, moving her phone away from her. "Never you mind, Mani." Ally raised her eyebrows. "Secrets aren't nice Dinah." Lauren and Camila approached them in the hallway and Camila winced as Lauren spoke in an icy tone. "Yeah? Neither is ditching your friend for a boy." Ally just looked down in shame and they all watched as Lauren's door slammed behind her. "I can explain." Ally sighed, "But can you Ally?" Camila challenged. "Okay, look I forgot..Troy came over and-" Normani hummed. "That's your explanation? It sounds like Lauren was spot on. That's so mean." Dinah took a breath and put an arm over Ally's shoulders. "Lighten up guys, I'm sure Smalls didn't mean to ditch Lauren." Ally nodded quickly. "Of course I didn't! It was a one off, I really forgot." Camila nodded her head over to Lauren's door. "Go apologise then." Ally swallowed and knocked hesitantly on Lauren's door. "Go away Ally!" The Latina shouted from the other side of the door, knowing that it was her. "I'm sorry! It was an accident Lauren, really it was!" Ally pleaded. "Whatever Ally. I don't care, just please leave me alone!" Lauren's voice cracked in betrayal. Ally ditching her couldn't be more trivial at this time. Lauren was sad, she was sad about everything all at once. Her mood swings had a habit of being completely random. "Babe, are you alright?" Dinah called to her, Lauren sighed and stared up at the ceiling, without looking away she called back. "I'm fine! I just need to be alone." Lauren pulled out her book and got a pen. Maybe this would help.

The song that Lauren wrote in this chapter is called "Stand My Ground" by Within Temptation.