A Crazy Thing Called Love (Harry Sytles Fanfic.)

65

"I don't want to be okay I just want her."

Harry

Damn this bed is cold. What's the point of having a giant bed if you're sleeping alone? There isn't one. It's unnecessary and I hate it. I would rather sleep on the floor than be reminded that I'm sleeping alone. It only makes me miss her more.

"Harry?" Mum knocks once and walks in before I can respond. "You awake, love?"

"No," I mumble, pulling my sheets over my head. I hear her sighs and then feel my bed dip with her weight. I've been home two days and the only time I've left my bed is to use the bathroom. She made me shower, that's the only reason I have.

"Time to get out of bed," she says, rubbing my back. "I know you're hurting right now, but this isn't helping."

"I think it is."

"Well, you're wrong. Now I'm giving you ten minutes before I come up here with an ice bucket. Breakfast is on the table."

When the door shuts again I fling the covers back. She let me wallow in my self-pity longer than I thought she would, to be honest. But she probably figured out that I've been doing this for a while already. Either way, I'm not ready to be done with it. I'm tired of feeling like this, but I don't know how to make it stop. I guess I haven't tried all that hard.

Knowing my mother's threats aren't empty is the only reason I get out of bed. Coming home was kind of an impulse thing; I didn't tell anyone. I just left. Seeing Carmen at that party was my breaking point. If she's not going to let me win her back then what's the point of trying? At this point it doesn't feel like there's anything else for me to do, and while I sort of regret leaving so fast I know that I would have been miserable being there knowing it was over. At least this way I can try to move on. Key word being try.

"You can empty the bucket," I tell her as I walk into the kitchen. She smiles and dumps the water out. See what I mean. She doesn't do empty threats. "But I'm not hungry."

"You'll eat because I made it," she says simply. She sets a plate of breakfast in front of me, along with a cup of coffee. Her intense stare-down scares me into eating. "Are you ever going to talk to me?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Okay." She pauses and lets me eat for a few minutes. "Now, let's stop lying."

"Mum," I groan. I'm twenty-one years old, not sixteen. Plus, talking about it isn't going to fix this ache in my chest.

"I know you're all grown up and you don't need your mother, but I'm here anyway. So eat your breakfast and listen to me." Well fuck. "I know this hurts right now. I know how much you love her and I know this is hard, but sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is try to live your life as best you can. Laying around being sad is not going to help you."

"It feels pretty helpful," I mumble.

"No, it doesn't. You need to go out, see your friends. Occupy yourself and try to think about something other than your broken heart."

"It's all I can think about." I set my fork down and cover my face with my hands. "She's all I think about, Mum. All the time, no matter what I'm doing. A distraction isn't going to do anything."

"You have to try something," she says, holding one of my hands. "It might feel like there's no getting out of this now, but eventually you'll be okay."

"I don't want to be okay," I whisper. "I just want her."

"I know, love." Mum stands and kisses the top of my head before heading for the stairs. I know she's right, like everyone else back at school. It's just not as simple as all that. I want to stop feeling like this more than anything in the world. Actually, that's not true. What I want more than anything in the world is to be back with Carmen.