I pour myself a cup of coffee as i held my coat out of the cabin to sit on the wooden chair outside. I heaved a deep sigh as i look around and see the sun raises around me. Surrounded by cold air and wrapped in a silence, i began focusing on my feelings.
Was i that rude to have said things like that to him? I think not. Im just being honest and vocally free with my words. But its weird to feel guilty and i kind of need to like say sorry to him.
"How will i ever do that? He's not here anymore!" I almost punch myself in the face as i scream out those words in my seat. Oh God. This is making me crazy. I hurried back inside the cabin and get ready for work.
"Juls, ready to party this friday?" Kay asked and i nodded immediately with a huge smile pretending that im into it. She hugged me from behind and then proceeded to the counter and work.
The customers rain in as we open the coffee shop. Some would take out coffees and frappe and then go. I can see that it's gonna be a busy day today.
"Lunch break, kumain muna tayo. I ordered thai food for us. Lets go," Kay dragged me in her office. I sat down and prepared a little on my plate.
"Diet ka teh?" And she noticed.
"Hindi pa ako nagugutom," i answered.
"Asus, Julie. Yung totoo?" She leaned on the table and then focused her gaze to mine.
"Kay, im alright. May iniisip lang ako," i finally admitted.
"Juls, is it something so serious?" her voice changes into anxious one and i know that she's worried now.
I sighed and my shoulders fell as i told her the truth, "Pinaalis ko kasi si Moses sa cabin. Ang bastos ko ba?" I asked and my eyes were teary.
She shook her head and her concerned look lasted on her face as she followed up, "As long as my rason ka kung bakit mo ginawa, hindi ko masasabing kabastusan yun."
That's the thing now.
I dont. Even. Know. Why i told him that.
And here's my bestfriend. Every single word that comes out from my mouth was being echoed into her ears. And she knows when im telling the truth or not.
"It's weird but i dont know the exact reason why i told him that if he has plan to leave the cabin, leave soon," i unquoted what i told Moses.
"Weird nga. But i have something in mind why you told him that," she sighed and my brows met, trying to read my bestfriend's expression.
My heart was beating faster as i wait for her next words.
"There can only be one reason. Tell me if im right or wrong. But.. Are you starting to fall for him?" Of course my best friend will gonna ask me this. She knew me better than i knew myself.
I nodded.
She smiled, a small one and i watch it grow on her face.
"Julie, there is nothing wrong about falling for him," she softly said and slid her hand on mine.
"Natatakot ako. I just met him," i choked out those words and she giggled.
"Oh look at my best friend being too innocent about love," she touches my chin and walked towards where i seated.
"That's what makes love being so mysteriously beautiful and amazing. You let your heart beat, you let your feelings grow, you let your mind open, you let your body change, you let everything explode," she commented dreamily as she looked back at me.
"I know but..... "
"Julie, life is a fucking fragile thing. And love.... Is very complicated and has no boundaries," she kissed my cheeks and went back to her seat and ate all the pad thai while i was left there and my mind was swimming with her meaningful words.
Not too many hours had passed, i found myself dragging my feet on the familiar road that i take everyday. The stars are out and the breeze was okay. It's too calming as the wind blew me away and leading me home. I sighed as i reached my sad cabin. Im just so not used to it anymore. Somehow, i kind of miss his face and smile. His presence. And him alone.
I stumbled down on my bed and lazily fall my body on the comforter. I closed my eyes and his pretty face kept flashing into my clouded mine. I held my chest and felt my heart beating in no ordinary way. I cant let this feeling grow. I dont know him and he doesnt even know me either. But i wonder how my heart gets too easy familiarized with his. Now it couldn't stop looking for his and this is getting so weird and worst.
After a few minutes of thinking, my mind shut on its own and my body gave up. The clock didnt even reached 11 PM but my lids gave up and closed instantly.
