I went home that same day with a different feeling. I cant even tell you how it really felt inside after hearing Moe's conversation with her Mom.
Also.
I. Couldnt. Even. Think. Clearly.
It has been a week since that incident happened but i kept my mouth shut. I couldnt open up about it because first, who am i to do that? Second, im not brave enough to open about it. And third, im just a nobody.
But that whole week was extremely different. He's so much sweeter but very distant. For instance, he's gonna ask me what i want or if i need help, and after i answered, it's always like he's gonna make a way and after that isolate himself, or.... He's gonna let it all go. He always kiss me on the lips whenever he was about to say goodnight. Sometimes he would pepper me kisses all over my face and then head out of the cabin. He's getting weirder and i cant even think of a way to confront what was wrong.
"I love you," He whispered before he kissed me on the lips and then sleep at night.
I couldnt even answer him. Because i was too afraid. Too afraid to fall that hard for him when i knew that he had to left soon.
I sighed as i pretentiously yawned dramatically. Thankfully, he was the first one to fall asleep than me. I rolled on my back and face him and watch him sleep as his little snore were playfully slipping through his mouth.
I stared at his face, memorizing his features. Im gonna miss that nose, and that cheeks. Also that red lips that always shut everything out whenever it electrifies mine. His hand that securely hold me every single time. His chest that i always lay my head on to hear his heart beat. Im gonna miss every single thing about this guy.
Thinking about him leaving makes my heart ache but i think the best thing to do is to let him go and be back to the place where he belong.
It was five in the morning when i decided to leave the bed without waking him up. I went for a walk outside the cabin and then unintentionally reached my painting cabin. My feet led me here and im glad im here right now.
I took another old canvas from the corner of the room and went to the other side to get the paints and began splashing them on it. Recreating something i have surely done before, i mixed some colors and touches the canvas. I was working quietly and too focused on my emotion as my hand moved. I dont even know what time of the day it is and im starting not to care at all. I want to let go all of my emotions in this piece. The colors represents what i feel inside. An abstract that shows that in every canvas, it does not have to be perfect all the time; that along with the dark ones, it also needs lights that could make the piece eyecatching.
"I knew you'd be here," came a voice that im gonna soon miss.
I smiled to myself before turning around and face him.
It's time.
"Hi," i greeted him.
"Hi. It's almost sun down. I brought you food. I cooked your favorites since i dont know what you want this time," He chuckled.
"Also, i brought you extra shirt. I know you'd be painting here and you might need it. And. Uhmmm, my.. My guitar. To keep you company," He stammered.
In a one last shot, i heaved a very deep sigh.
He started plucking the guitar creating a beautiful sound but i cant stand it anymore. This has to stop.
"Moe." I opened my mouth but did not hear me.
"Moe. Stop. Just stop," i told him and he stopped.
My back on his as i stared at my piece after washing my hands.
"Why? You like it when i play that instrumental for you," he spoke slowly.
"I know."
There was a completely deafening silence for a long time before i faced him.
I bit my lower lip before i could speak.
"A week ago, i saw and heard you and your Mom in the coffee shop. It's where i uhh... It's where i work," I began playing along with my fingers.
"I did not hear the whole conversation but i heard something enough to say that you have to go," i bravely say without hesitation.
"What do you mean i have to go?" He stood up and walked closer to me.
"Moe. You certainly know what i mean. It's time for you to go," i insisted.
"No. No," he shook his head.
"I want here and i love being here," he held my shoulders but i shook it all away stepping a distance from him.
"Moe. I dont want you here anymore," i said with my voice shaking. His mouth fell open and surprised to what i just said.
"Is that why you were too distant to me for the past days?" He asked. I did not answer but i know i had to admit.
"Julie, lets talk about this. Please," his eyes, his beautiful eyes, were pleading but i had to ignore them.
"Moe, in the very beginning, i knew that you dont belong here. You just needed help when you knocked and i welcomed you. But things changed. I dont even know your story. I dont really know who you are," i threw my hands up in the air, half mad over something i dont even know.
"Then im gonna open up about my world. Just let me in again. This time, no secrets," a tear fell from his eyes.
"It's too late, Moe," i took a step to walk away from him but he spin me around and crashed his lips to mine.
I can feel his lips trembling as it invades mine and then capturing my whole mouth. It went sloppier and deeper and i couldnt even control myself from falling over his magic spell. I found myself kissing him back with the same i tensity, too strong and loving. His hand travels my side and then circled around my waist as he pulled me closer. Mine snake around his neck as we kiss harder but as the minute ticks by, i slowly push him away. I held his cheeks and gaze into his sad eyes.
"Moe,"
"Why do you have to hide it? Why do you have to push me away? Julie, i love you. More than my own life," he whispered in between his low cry and my heart was slowly breaking into pieces. But i gotta be brave. And stupid.
I smiled and made a distance.
"Thank you for loving me. But im so sorry. I dont feel the same way," I sighed.
"No! The way you kissed me! The way you make love to me, Julie, im not an idiot not to notice that you feel the same way!" he cracked with his eyes running down a tears.
I shook my head and smiled.
"No. You're wrong. Really wrong."
And that was the best lie ever that i have told him.
"Moe. Please. My life was too silent and okay before you came. Now please, i want you out of it. Leave," my eyes closed as i spit out low those words.
"Julie, please."
"Moe, dont make this hard for the both of us. Leave."
And then i heard a bang on the door. And as soon as he stepped out of the cabin, my tears raced.
The sun was about to set and then my heart died.
