Eight (and a half) long months had gone by way too fast and im used to handle situations of my life very smoothly.
There are so many things that you missed. Yes, you. I dont wanna go for the details but i can give you some words about it.
So... I found my Aunt Terry who was Dad's closest cousin and she's taking care of me. It always calms me whenever she tells me stories about how kind my dad was and how was he as a friend, cousin, and a father. It always brought me to tears every time Tita talks about him. Also, these past couple of months, i was very very emotional which k North America and she stood with me like a mom.
Also, i met someone who seemed to be liking me. I can feel it. He has been around, hanging out with me for a good number of time. He is my Doctor's brother and his name is Zach. A full blooded filipino guy who's also a doctor himself. He has been so nice to me and he takes care of me thrice the way Tita Terry does.
Also...
There's one time, about three months ago, we had dinner near our place and he confessed he liked me. I was tongue-tied. I didnt know how to react and how to tell him that i dont feel the same way in a not heartbreaking way and i made it by saying im not ready for any relationship at that moment and we being friends or close at that point is the only thing i can offer. I just wanted to focus on me being a mom for the very first time. And i knew i couldnt deny the thought of Him stays with me. It feels like if i fool myself by telling Zach that i love him is like throwing Elmo away out of my life just like that. I know that i am making things complicated but i also know it to myself that im on the right path.
Zach and i still see each other. He became sweeter to me but im paying no attention, like a dust in the wind, and im moving like im seeing things in a friends level and nothing goes beyond that.
It is funny how people come into your life all of a sudden and then in just a blink of an eye, they're all gone. Same as through with your feelings, it can be felt temporarily but sometimes it goes the other way around.
"Hey, are you okay?" Tita Terry came with a glass of milk around 5 in the afternoon as part of our daily routine. My thought tangled in my mind and suddenly burst out inside my head and couldn't fixem up now.
"Oo tita. Im alright." I lied and smiled.
"I know you're not. We've been together for quite a long time now and just like your dad, he stays quiet when he's deeply thinking of some... One."
I smiled once more.
"I, perhaps got that one from him huh?" I admittedly nodded at that and Tita chuckled.
"If Zach is still bothering you about your relationship, let that one go," she sat with me and took a deep breathe as we both the golden horizon as the sun is setting.
"It's.... It's actually not about him, Tita. I've been so honest about my feelings for him from the very beginning. If he couldnt handle that, then i think he has to stay away," I stated and she nodded.
"Juls, a journey of being a Mom isnt that easy," she started and i smiled. I have been anticipating this moment with Tita.
"We're on the same page of thought, i get you tita," i shifted and moved a little to face her and held her hands. I looked at her eyes and fears were stuck in them.
"Tita, i can do this. And he will know about our daughter in the right time. Wag lang muna ngayon. He has to stand on his own feet without hindrances and problems. Well, i dont see us one, but i have to temporarily let go for his own good," I took a deep breath and sighed heavily.
"Pero nakakamiss po siya," and a single tear run down my face.
"Nak, whatever you are planning, i'll be here. Always am, always will. But one think i just wanna ask," she touched my face and caressed my cheek as she continued..
"Always open your heart for him, whoever he is," and finally, she smiled. The one that i knew that is real.
"Of course, tita. No closing of doors," and she hugged me tight. Memories were starting to cloud my mind one more time but as i moved to sit back down, i felt a sudden gushed down on me and a liquid started to drift off.
"Oh my God," I gasped and Tita panicked.
"What? What 'oh my God'? What's wrong?" she studied my horror face as she held my hand.
"Tita, i think my water bag just broke," i said carefully and thankfully Tita recovered immediately.
"Oh God! Cmon, i'll drive you to the hospital now," she helped me stood up and i asked her to walked me first to my room and clean up myself before dressing up to the hospital.
"Are you ready?" she asked calmly as she buckled her seatbelt.
"Yeah."
She started the engine and drove in a good speed. She kept glancing at the rearview mirror and i always caught her.
"Tita, im okay. Relax, alright?" I chuckled as she nodded nervously.
We are twenty minutes close to the hospital when i remember calling Zach to inform about this.
"Is Tita Terry okay?" Him too has to make sure Tita is okay.
"Yes. She's good," i answered abruptly.
"Alright. You have to breathe in and then out, okay, sweetheart? I will call your doctor now and call for an emergency. We'll ready everything now. I'll see you in a few," he said and then it went off. So that's how he talk to me every single time. He's the sweetest and i have no words about it to him. But my feelings for his totally a different kind of thing..
I breathe in and breathe out as i felt my stomach started to react and the feeling is starting to mixed in.
"Hang in there, my love. Mommy will see you the soonest....."
I smiled and then felt her inside of me.
