I think it's time to talk.
To apologize personally.
To let go.
I knew he's gonna come here.
His restaurant.
He was sitting on the stool around the mini bar area. My hands were trembling as i silently open the door.
"The restaurant is close."
He said loudly and i almost fell on the floor.
I held my hand altogether as i continue to walk forward and bravely say...
"But can i have a glass of tequila?"
He slowly put down his glass and looked at his side.
He knew it was me.
"Why are you here?" He asked in a whisper.
"It just felt like i need to be here," i sighed and that made him look at me.
Fack.
His eyes. His goddamn sad eyes stuck to mine. I thought of getting mad and confront him what was the leaving thing all about when my heart and mind says i have to calm down and asked...
"Moe. Bakit ka aalis?"
He did not even blink as he look at me.
"I already said no one is leaving," he repeated.
"But i dont believe you," now it was my turn to look at him in the eyes.
"Moe. Dahil ba saken? Dahil ba bumalik ako?" I asked him, almost crying.
"Kasi kahit i-deny mo, ramdam ko na ako ang dahilan kung bakit gusto mong umalis," and with that, he looked at me with a tear on the corner of his eyes.
"No. Julie. It's not about you. It's all about me. Because im trying. Still trying to get used to this situation,"
About everything i did. About the pain.
"Naiintindihan kita. Pero Moe. Wag kang umalis," I said and he looked at me, confused.
"I need to leave. I want to disappear," he insisted.
"Moe, hindi mo kailangang gawin yan," i repeated.
And right after i said that, he burst out. All that was kept inside of him suddenly exploded.
"I have to! Because you dont know how it feels! How hard it is to feel rejected over and over. I'm still in the midst of accepting that and here you are; back again! Julie, you dont know how hard to accept things i dont want to accept. The rejection. The pain. The silence. It was too damn hard to deal with them and........"
And i wrapped my arms around him so tight and shushed him.
"Because it is so hard to see you around here when im on the other side, dying in pain, dealing with it," he cried.
My tears started to run down my face as i hear him say that.
"Moe, im so sorry. Im sorry you have to go through this," i then apologized as we both soaked ourselves in our own tears.
"No. Hindi mo kailangang mag sorry. I told you. This is about me. Not about you.
...that i should accept things i cannot change. They are what they are. They stay in their places, it is where they should be and i have no power to change how and where they'll fall," he answered as his cry lowering down.
But the power of love is so much stronger; kaya siya nagkakaganyan.
"Moe, listen to me. Just listen to me," i pushed myself a little to see his face.
"Don't leave. You don't need to do that. When the sun is out, we'll talk about everything," I told him slowly so he can understand every word that i just said.
"If that's some sort of rejection, Julie, i cant take that anymore," He cried once more.
"I promise, this wont be any negative things that you are thinking. Just be calm and forget this night. No one's gonna leave tomorrow or the next day, or the next next," I whispered as our foreheads meet. He didnt make any reaction at all but he came closer. I can smell his breathe from his mouth and i felt his tears run down his cheeks. His eyes were close and he leaned closer once more.
And just when i thought and was expecting him to kiss me, he slowly pushed me away and i was left there shocked and frozen as i watched him walk away from me.
