I eyed Kay in a panic and i saw her eyes widens when she get what i was trying to say.
..that Elmo Moses Magalona was only tables away from where we are.
"Fuck." She mumbled. I felt her slide into the chair beside me and when i glanced at him, he was no longer looking at me.
It also brought me a sad smile when i saw him kissed a girl on the cheeks wearing a beautiful smile as they started talking.
"Who the fuck is she?" Kay hiding in my side asked and from that moment i felt my heart exploded a thousand pieces in me. I didnt know how to react. And i dont even know what to say. Seeing him smile like that with another girl makes me happy but at the same time hurt. I knew i wanted him to move on. But that was before.
Right now, i want him back.
But how could i get him back if he himself is trying to move away?
Am i that late to take him back?
But again...
I dont wanna be selfish
Oh my God. This is really confusing.
"Julie, you have to figure out what you really like and what you want in life," I talked to myself.
The whole eating thing was really the hardest part of this day.
First, because i can hear them discussing about love life.
Second, Mielle is here with us.
Third, i fear that he might come to us and ask about my Mielle. I swear im gonna runaway with my baby.
Fourth, im with Zach. I knew he thought that im with him the moment he saw us enter this restaurant.
This is so bad.
I asked them to fasten eating and just take the remaining food out after an hour and head home. I immediately said goodbye to Zach and pretended to have something really important to do at home just to shoo him away from us.
I never wanted a misinterpretation and complications.
Ive been through highs and lows and im tired of being in between life and death, yes and no's and any other choices.
I had a glass of milk as i stay in my veranda. Mielle was peacefully sleeping when i left her with Titas.
"Okay ka lang ba?" Kay asked for the nth tine.
"Oo. Hindi. Oo. Ewan ko!" I panic again.
"Okay, relax. Huminga ka." She smiled at me and massage my back.
"Im okay, Kay. Magpahinga ka na dun," I gave her back a smile and she nodded; understanding me.
When i finally had an alone time, i sat down on the tiled floor, not to mind the coldness, i gaze at the starry night, watching the stars shine bright, glows brighter than ever.
We used to watch the stars together. In that mini cabin, i felt the joy of being prison with him around that place. It pains me deep how memories hits me once again.
I didnt even noticed my tears streaming down my face until i found myself crawling back to bed crying myself to sleep.
As the morning starts, another day begins. Seriously? I dont know how to survive this day but it will always be about winning it by spending with the ones you love then you will feel somehow..... Complete.
Well not complete, because we all know it will never be one.
At least.... Okay.
I started my day planning for Mielle's birthday and went over to go shopping afterwards of the materials i wanna include. I surely saw them on pinterest and i know it wont be included to the package we are getting so im gonna do it all by myself instead.
After which, i played with Mielle for the whole afternoon, took her abath and danced her until she falls asleep in my arms. My baby. She's turning one too soon and i think im not yet ready for it. Time really is ticking by way too fast.
I sighed.
I kissed her forehead and put her to bed. The Tita Lolas one by one came in and head on the bed and ended the day.
"Good night po," I smiled at them and they gave it back to me.
"Good night, 'Nak," I heard them say it.
I went inside my huge bathroom and filled in the tub with water and soon after, a sweet scent is inviting me to go in. My naked body started to feel relaxed as i lay there playing with the bubbles and my mind wanders wherever.
Until thoughts swarmed in again and didnt even realized that i was crying myself to sleep soaked in the tub.
It was sure a one hell sad and lonely night.
