PHAN ONE SHOTS :)

Alone

Summary: Phil's struggling with some things, like anxiety and depression.

This is kinda weird because I'm trying to put the actual feelings of what the other people feel. Because no matter what we're human and we're not close to perfect. So a lot of the time, people don't know how to react. They don't know what to say or feel. They're out of their element. So I'm trying to make this work...but If it's not let me know.

Warnings: Anxiety and the topic of depression, but through feelings rather than speech.

Wc: 1500 ruffly.

The numbers all looked the same. They blurred and faded and destroyed Phil's mind. He could feel tears prick his eyes. His math book became a monster on nights like these. He just wanted to be intelligent for once. He wanted to understand one fucking concept in his stupid math class.

He could hear foot steps coming from down the hallway. The door opened and his mom walked in and rubbed his shoulder.

"How you holding up, sweety?" His moms gentle voice rang out.

"I don't understand a god damn thing." Phil said clenching his jaw, eyes still focused on his math book.

"Phil it's okay. It's just a B. I'm proud of you." His mom said leaning over his shoulder to look at his math book. "If I would have gotten a B on my math homework when I was younger I would have thrown a party."

Phil could still feel the anger behind his eyes. Tears were still stinging his blue orbs.

"Mom I'm so fucking tired of being an idiot!!" He grunted and pulled at his hair. "All the other kids get it! All of them! They're always like, oh Mrs. Hess this is soooo easy. Wow I bet my two year old sister could do this! I bet Phil will be able to do this! And it just fucking sucks to know I'm not as smart as them!"

"Phil why are you beating yourself up over this? You have a good grade."

"Because good grades don't get you into University!!! I need great grades! And what happens when I get into college and I don't know how to graph a fucking line?? My math teacher keeps pushing me through and not actually helping me! I don't know what the fuck y=mx+b is. And I'm starting to think I never will!"

The tears finally burst forth, and rolled down Phil's cheeks.

"I dont know what to do mom. The school doesn't offer tutoring. The math teacher confuses the actual living fuck out of me. I'm just really fucking stupid and there's nothing I can do about it!"

Phil smashed his hand down on his desk and true the math book across the room. You could hear a few of the pages tearing as it flew, then in landed in a messy heap in the floor. Phil stood up, knocking his desk chair to the floor and hitting the wall.

"I DON'T WANNA BE STUPID ANYMORE!!" Tears continued to roll down his face as he stormed out of his room and slammed the door shut behind him.

Phil's mother heard crashes of glass and other loud thuds before hearing the front door open and slam with a close. She sighed and ran a hand threw her graying Brown hair. She walked into the kitchen ignoring the smashed base on the floor. She picked the phone off the counter and called the only person who could calm Phil down when he rampaged.

~~~~~

Phil walked along the street still crying and pulling on his hair. He knew he was being dramatic and overreacting, but his mind was so fudled and blurry and the numbers just kept popping back into his mind. He could hear the taunts of his peers as they were all handed dilomas, allowed to walk across the stage and he would stand on the sidelines exiled because of his ignorance.