Blue Eyes

First Annual Noodle-Off!

Stevie POV

"It's time for the first annual, totally contrived, amazing, international noodle off!" Rhett says in a weird announcer voice.

"Let's talk about that."

"Good Mythical Morning!" Rhett says again after the teaser, still in the announcer voice.

Then Link goes into HIS announcer voice "Noodles, they're everywhere, you run into them... and then you eat them, and then you think 'there should be a noodle-off on your internet show!'"

"Well it kinda hit us that there are so many ki-types of noodles in the world that you can have in so many different types of cuisine. Wouldn't it be fun, yet.... stupid, uhh... to try and figure out what's the best noodle in the world."

"Now there's lots, as I've established, but we have narrowed it down to five that's gonna be in our ummmm.. our noodle-off that we have contrived. I mean-designed" Link said very quickly.

"We haven't- this isn't on- the only noodles we- that we- that we've considered. We've considered ALL noodles" Rhett said while laughing.

"Every noodle" Link adds in.

"We started with a list of- how many was it like thirty to forty different types of noodles?"

"Five hundred." No, Link. Not five hundred. Rhett's more in the ballpark than you are.

"-and then based on a number of criteria, we narrowed it down to these five that we're gonna test now, for you."

We have spaghetti, Ramen Noodles, Lasagna, Fusilli, and Rice Noodles as the final five.

"The first criteria we're gonna go through all of these with each one and we are going to each individually score them. You can score at home. You have time to do that." Rhett snickers.

"Yeah, get your pad and pen out."

"What's the first one, appearance?"

"Attractiveness."

"Attractiveness."

"How attracted are we to these noodles?" Time to prepare for the jokes. Oh wow. No jokes. Never mind then.

"And then we're gonna go with slurp-ability, and taste."

"Okay."

"And then we are going to grand finale this thing with wall stick-ability."

So the guys examine each of the noodles for attractiveness. They start off with Spaghetti and Link gives it a 2 and Rhett gives it a 4. Then they examine the ramen noodles, Rhett giving them a 6 and Link giving the ramen noodles and 8. The next noodle they look at is the lasagna. Rhett takes the lasagna and wraps it around his neck and says that it's an automatic 10. Link doesn't think "turtle necking" the lasagna qualifies it to have a score of 10 and instead gives it a 5. Both Rhett and Link give the fusilli a score of 10 because it reminds them of DNA and is really pretty.... nerds. They give the last noodle, the rice noodle, a score of 4 from Link and 3 from Rhett. So appearance overall has fusilli in the lead with 20, followed by lasagna with a score of 15. Closely following that is ramen noodles with a score of 14. Then in 4th place is rice noodles, with a score of 7 and spaghetti is in last place with a score of 6.

"Now we move on to the second phase of this riveting extravaganza of-"

"I'm having a blast!"

"-noodle championship which is slurp-ability and taste. You gotta slurp to taste."

"Why does slurp- why does slurp-ability have to do with taste?"

"Because it's texture related to noodles. It's very important that you can slurp it. It's part of the experience of a noodle. Who's with me?" Wow. Link seems to know a lot about noodles.

They start off the taste test in the same order. Link has trouble slurping the spaghetti. It was very amusing and also not pleasant to watch. He gives spaghetti a slurp-ability score of 7 and a taste score of 8. Rhett gives it a slurp-ability score of 8 and a taste score of 5. Ramen gave both men a little trouble. Rhett commented on Link's slurp-ability test saying it was rigged for this one. He ended up giving it a score of 10 for slurp-ability and a taste score of 2 while Link gave it a score of 3 and 1, respectfully. For lasagna, the guys are unable to slurp it and both end up giving it a score of zero for slurp-ability while for taste, Rhett gives it a 10 and Link gives it a 4. Link is very critical about his noodles.

The next noodle they try is the fusilli. Link says it's too short to slurp so gives it a score of 1 while Rhett gives it a score of 6. For taste, Rhett and Link give scores of 8 and 5, respectively. Now the last and final noodle they taste is the rice noodle. The taste is very bad, so Rhett gives the rice noodles a taste score of 1 and a slurp-ability score of 10, while Link gives the rice noodles a taste score of zero and a slurp-ability score of 9. Spaghetti won that round.

The next and final test the noodles face is the stick-ability test. The only two noodles that really stick are spaghetti, ramen and rice noodles. The others just bounce right off the glass that we put in front of the camera. Then they tally up the final scores. The noodle that came in last place was lasagna with a total of 29 points. Then, tied in third place is fusilli and rice noodles with a score of 40 points. The noodle that came in first place was..... spaghetti with a total of 52 points while ramen had a score of 47 points. Not bad.

Then Link wheels the wheel of mythicality and spins it once it's in place between the two of them. In good mythical more, Rhett grabs Link's black guitar off the wall in the back of the set and starts to play a Spanish (panfish ) riff and then they sing a song to spaghetti, the winner of the noodle-off.

Link POV

I don't know what I'm going to do about Christy. Ever since I was talking about her with Rhett, I haven't been able to get her off of my mind. Her or Lilly. I have to think of something to do with Lilly once I clear my head. I think that mountain bike trip with Nick this weekend will definitely help with that. Then I can think of something to do with my daughter and eventually get Christy off of my mind too.