Amethyst || Harry Styles

Fifty-six

Fifty-six

-Jasmine-

I sit at the dining table, eating the french toast that I made with Harry this morning. Harry and Ella are also sitting at the table across from me, but Ella is just finishing up her hot chocolate while Harry is patiently waiting. The two are chatting away, and I know I should be listening too, but all my attention is focused on my purse near the front door.

I know I should throw that toxic thing away, but I just can't. Every time when I am so close to throwing it away in a bin outside, I back out at the last second, making me really frustrated with myself. And every time I inhale the fumes behind Harry's back, I feel extremely guilty, but the instant relief I get while doing it makes me not able to stop. I am becoming more addicted to them than before. I have a smoke at least once a day now.

But at least I am not taking up drinking again.

That's what I say to make myself feel better.

"All done?" Harry asks once Ella slurps up the last bits of liquid inside her mug.

"Yes, dada," she smiles widely and stands up to put her mug in the sink. I watch as Ella runs off to her room to grab her bag.

"Minnie," Harry says, now sitting beside me, grabbing my hand. I look at him with worry knowing that Harry only calls me by that nickname when he's serious.

Did he see the cigarettes in my bag? Did Harry smell smoke on my clothes?

"Are you alright?" He asks, looking deeply into my eyes. "You seem distant."

"Oh," I sigh, feeling really ashamed of myself. "I'm just nervous about my exam," I say. I'm technically not lying since I am nervous for my Media exam in an hour.

"Don't worry too much, babe. You studied all that you can and now you are going to show your prof how much you know the material," he kisses my forehead.

"Thanks, Harry."

"No problem," he gives me his best smile. "I've got to go now," he says as he glances at Ella putting on her jacket and boots. 

Harry stands up, but I suddenly hold onto his hand, making him sit back down on his seat. I look into his eyes, the guilt eating me away. Harry furrow his eyebrows; something he always does when he is worried or concerned.

"Harry," I start. I take a deep breath.

"What's wrong, love?"

"I-I..." It's now or never. "Is Ella mad at me or something?" I sputter out, not saying the thing that I originally wanted to say. But it is something that I have been meaning to ask Harry for a while now, so I just go with it.

"Ella mad at you?" Harry asks seeming surprised. "No, of course not."

"She seems distant with me. She doesn't hug me anymore, she gives me short answers whenever I ask her something— I don't know. Sorry, it's stupid." I shake my head.

"It's not stupid, Jaz. But I didn't really notice that, to be honest," he frowns at me. "But knowing her, she's probably adjusting to having you around all the time. She loves you—she really does—but it is a big change in her life, since after all, it has always been just me and her." Harry looks at me with sympathy as I let the words sink in. His explanation makes a lot of sense. I could physically feel a weight being lifted off of my chest.

"You're right," I nod my head, giving him a small relieved smile.

"Was this why you've been acting differently lately?"