❤ Innocent Rebel ❤

Chapter 46

++++ All I loved.... But I did not love alone ++++

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Mia
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I wake up late the next afternoon. Mawmaw has made chicken salad sandwiches, my favorite. But I'm not hungry. She pushes me to eat. For her sake, I take a bite, but only a bite. I return to my room shortly after coming down. I need a shower.
I switch on the hot water.
Strip my clothes.
I take a step towards the shower but stop short when I see my reflection in the mirror.
My hair is longer, but stringy and dull.
Mawmaw is right. I've lost weight.
To the point of seeing my ribs.
My cheek bones stick out more than before.
I have had plenty of sleep but I still have dark circles around my eyes.
I'm pale.
I look down at my boney body.
When was the last time I shaved my legs?
Eww.
I look back up into the mirror. I realize that I would be a perfect zombie for The Walking Dead.
Disgusted, I step into the shower.

After my shower, I slip into a pair of skinny jeans and one of Lex's old sweatshirts. I head back downstairs and step outside. The seasons are changing. It's funny who I haven't even noticed that fall is here. Of course, fall in L. A. isn't exactly a big change but it's cooler outside. I walk around for a while. Visiting Lex's mother's garden. Walking the grounds, I notice that the garage door is opened.
I don't see anyone at first.
But I spot Lex's black SUV.
The drivers side door is open.
Inside, is a weeping Chris.
I'm surprised to find him here but then again I'm not the least bit surprised.
He whips his eyes when he notices me.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" he asks, a bit on the snappy side.

I suppose I can understand why he would be a little embarrassed by my finding him here. Bad boys aren't supposed to cry right?

"I miss him too," I whimper.

He starts to cry again. I hug him closely. He sobs loudly and I join him. I can take almost anyone else's tears, except Chris's. He had always been so strong for me and I wish that I could return that for him now. But maybe he didn't need me to be strong. Maybe he just needed someone to cry with him.

"I'm sorry, Mia. But..... He was my best friend!"

I continue to hold him as he speaks. Knowing that this is what my friend needs right now. I realize how selfish I have been. For me, it felt like I was the only one who had lost Lex. But that wasn't true. Chris had lost his best friend. Someone he had grown up with. Someone he had loved and cared for deeply. Chris had been close to Lex for years. Like two peas in a pod, and now it is just Chris. I had lost my boyfriend, the love of my life, but Chris had also lost his brother.

Later that day, I find myself standing outside the graveyard, where Lex's body lays underground. I plan on going in but I can't seem to make my feet move. I stand, looking at the tombs, when I am taken by surprise as someone comes up beside me. I jump as I turn to see.....
Nicki.....
Oh, God!
Give me a break!
But she has a serious look in her eyes, one that I have never seen from her before. The only look I ever got from her was hate.

"What do you want?" I ask, not hateful but in a more tired tone.

She looks down at her hands and then back up to me. "I... I just wanted to.... Umm.... Say that I'm sorry. I'm....I couldn't let him go even after he had moved on from me. He never loved me the way he did you. I see that now."

Im stunned.
I don't know what to say.
So, I just nod and let her keep walking on. I'm still a little dazed as I walk into the cemetery. I take my time, wandering around, until I come up to the stone with my lover's name on it. New flowers have been placed. I stand at the foot of the grave, then lower myself onto the ground. This is all of him I have left, a stone with his name.
The wind blows, stirring up the leaves on the ground. In the wind I smell a faint scent. My mind is playing tricks on me, I know this, because it smelled like his cologne. Masculine and spicy.
Silly mind tricks. Cruel and heartless mind tricks.
Before I realize it, I have been sitting here longer than I had planned. Just as I start to get up, the wind blows again, moving the leaves that hide a piece of paper that is sitting up on the side of his stone. I reach to take the paper and find that it is a letter. Addressed to no one, so I assume it is meant for Lex.
I should not open it.
But I can't stop myself fingers.

'Believe only half of what you see and nothing of what you hear.

We loved with a love that was more than love, she, my Annabel Lee....

E. A. P'

My hands shake.
I would recognize these words anywhere. They are from my book. The one Lex and I had stayed up all night reading. The only bit of dark literature that I have ever owned. It was from my Poems and takes of Edgar Allan Poe.
Why would someone leave this here?
And how would anyone know what this would mean if I were to find it?
What the fuck was going on?
A stick snaps near by.
Someone is watching me.
I know the feeling all too well. I stand and frantically look around. I spot someone standing at the cemetery gate. The person is dressed in all black. I can't see there face for the hood on his jacket is pulled up. Just as soon as I have spotted the stranger, they quickly turn and walk away.
I run after him. But as I step out from the cemetery, he is gone.

(I'm loving the comments! Please keep them coming! Thanks for reading.)