" Business & pleasure "

Feel the love

Two weeks after we arrived back home.....

He made my blood boil. I couldn't believe he even thought that this would be ok. How selfish could one man be ?

" I don't give a shit what you say , your being an ass, Jared! He's laid up in bed, all you care about, is running off to be with Kim ? Do me a favor , just get the fuck out , I don't even wanna look at you!" I stared him down and made him realize, I was serious. See this is why I didn't ask him to help. Call it a gut feeling I was right in the end. I never have met anyone so full of themselves. And I never want to again.

" YOUR being selfish , I'm trying to get married and because of him being sick , I couldn't do that. I'm lucky she agreed to do our wedding at a later time. YOU piss me off! Tell me do You ever stop and think about Kim's feelings or mine ? No , you didn't , it's fuckin all about you and Shannon. It's always about you guys. I paid a lot of money to make this wedding happen. I will be dammed if I'm gonna let anyone fuck it up. Or ruin her special day. Fuck you, don't bother coming to the wedding. It's gonna happen with or without you and Shannon . I'm picking her up , we're leaving tonight to Santorini, where she originally wanted to marry me. NOW, I'm leaving. "

Jared grabbed his jacket and slammed the door as he left the room. Fuck him and his prick way of thinking. 

I went back upstairs and into our room to see how Shannon was doing and prayed he wouldn't ask me what was going on. I really didn't feel like rehashing the conversation again.

" Hey , you ok? What's going on ?" Shannon said as he patted my hand. Shannon hadn't heard what was said in Jared and I screaming match , just the screaming part. Thank god for that.

I didn't feel the need to tell him the extent of why we had gotten in a fight. I poured him some more water and straightened up his blankets. I knew Shannon was right ,I may have a control problem. I never asked for help or wanted anyone to do what I could do myself. I even got upset when someone jumped in to do it for me. That made me feel incompetent.

" Everything is fine , don't worry. So how are you feeling ?" I said with worry in my tone biting my nail. I heard the door open and Travis came in to offer me a break. I politely declined said we would be fine. He didn't buy it, of course he didn't.

" Look jewels , I love you and all but , YOU need to leave and YOU go enjoy some time by yourself. I can stay here, plus I need to talk to him anyways about work. " Travis looked at me and I was sneering back at him, wondering why I had to leave so they could talk in private. What was he hiding ?

At that point I was at my breaking point. I didn't say anything to anyone , Grabbing keys and my purse, I left the house.  Driving down the road I didn't get far without hearing those familiar words of advice everyone felt the need to dish out. I was sick of everyone telling me to " go take time for yourself "  ,  "ask for help" ,  blah blah blah . Enough! Time for some retail shopping and a long drive to the beach. Oh wait , I can't there's that meeting at Black Fuel in one hour. Plus the doctor needs to speak with me about Shannons hospice care can plan. Making his will , calling his mom back , apologizing to Jared (even though the fucker owed me one first ) I gotta  tell Kim I can't make it to her wedding shower. I could go on and on and on.

My body starts shaking. I pull over quickly into a coffee shop. Before I can even shut the engine off , tears become river all over my hands. I laid  my head on the steering wheel and let go. I can't handle life anymore. I don't wanna do anything anymore. I'm tired of being there for everyone.

My phone vibrates beside me in my purse. I quickly grab it and put it on speaker. " Hello ?" It's Shannon. Oh great,  he's proabaly worried I ran off and left him. Here comes that oh so familiar  guilty feeling.

" Where did you go ? You ok ?" I can tell he's worried about me. I hear Travis in the background  mumbling something.

" Im fine babe don't worry,  ok? Just needed to take a break I will be home soon. You ok?" I zip up my purse and lay my head back, listening to his breath through the phone. " Do you need anything while I'm out ?" I say as I closed my eyes , rolling down the window for some fresh air.

" I just need you in my arms again." I could hear pain in his voice. Not just because he missed me , but the pain his  body was going through as well. He had ruptured his spleen and was on heavy duty pain killers, on top of his usual chemo meds. I noticed he was more tired then normal now too. His body had been wracked through hell  and back. I wouldn't be able to do it. He was truly stronger then me.

" I will bring you home some ice cream. Maybe  we will stay in bed and just watch movies all day , how does that sound ? " I felt that sweet butterfly sensation when he smiled through the phone. I could see and feel it so clearly.

" You know jewels , we  won't  be watching movies if your in bed next to me, c'mon now babe" He moaned in the phone ,  just something about that sound ,made me wanna get home again as fast I could. His sexual thirst was unquenchable, even being so sick as he was. I wasn't complaining though, don't get me wrong , not  in the least bit.

" Be home soon , love you."   I hung up,  setting off to find some of his favorite ice cream , mint chip , also some movies to watch.

Soon after , I arrived back home and to my surprise, he was standing in the doorway
, smiling with roses  in his hand. My heart was singing his name.

" I missed you! Now come here and kiss me."  He was so cute standing there with messy bed head hair, slippers and  a robe. That's my sexy man right there smiling and laughing to myself.

I kissed him, feeling  his arms wrap around my waist. My happy place , was this right here. We went inside and settled in for a quiet evening , just us two.