Old Friends (Janet and Toni Fanfic)

Chapter 19

Toni

My dreams had lately been feeling more like hallucinations, or bad euphoric trips. I woke up in the same spot I'd fallen asleep, dried tears on my face, achy muscles, and the worst part--Janet wasn't here. I swore that I could hear her voice and feel her touch me; I could smell her sweet perfume and taste her lips. But all of it, everything I thought she said, and everything I thought she did to me, was imagined. Now, my fantasies were more like nightmares simply because it wasn't my reality. It was insane how deep my feelings for her became in the course of a few weeks, how quickly I became attached to her.

She had to know. I had to tell her how deep it was getting for me. I would never look at her the same if I didn't. My conscience would never become clear, and I had a feeling it was only going to really hurt me. As good as the sex was, and as much as I loved her company, none of it was healthy.

So I called her again. Maybe I seemed obsessed. But this had to happen. I checked the time on my phone: 2:56. She should have been done reconnecting with Wissam by that point, but with Janet, there was no telling. Surprisingly, she picked up on the third ring.

"Hey, Toni. Sorry I rushed you off the phone earlier-"

"No, I understand. I'm sorry for interrupting." I sighed. This conversation was already hurting me so badly. The thought of her being with someone else felt like a bad concussion rattling my brain.

"Toni, are you okay? You don't seem like yourself."

I wanted to cry. Right now, it felt like she had switched into her 'best friend' mode, and it didn't seem right to bring the sex into it at this particular moment. She was trying to be here for me as a sister, not a lover. It was nice, but the only issue was that I shouldn't have had to wonder about which one I was dealing with every time we talked. It was more complicated than I thought.

"Yeah, Jan. Don't worry about me."

"You know I don't like it when you don't tell me things. I can tell something is going on."

If she asked me one more time if I was okay, I knew for a fact I would begin to cry, and would not be able to stop. I didn't have anything else to say. I now regretted the phone call.

"Toni, honey, I'm coming over. You haven't said 3 words in 5 minutes. It's unlike you."

"Janet-"

She hung up on me. If I saw her face to face, I wouldn't be able to keep this composure. But she was coming over, so I had to at least try. I straightened up my house and fixed my face to look semi-presentable. I knew she wouldn't care too much, but it was something I had to do for myself.

Just like my dream, Janet came into my room unannounced, looking particularly radiant. A sharp pain hit my chest in knowing why her skin glowed like this today.

"Toni, you left your house completely unlocked, what's wrong?" Her face twisted up in a look of sympathy as she neared my bed with open arms. "What happened?" She embraced me. I fought with everything in me to hold the tears back.

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Jan. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Look at me."

I pulled away to finally look her in the eyes. She searched to find the answer as to why I was upset, but she couldn't seem to see how much I had really fallen for her. That hurt even more. Janet wiped one tear from my face. "It's okay."

No, Janet, it wasn't.

I just nodded my head.

"Here, let's lay down."

"You didn't have to do this." We lay on opposite sides of the bed, separated by about a nine inch gap in the middle. To me, it didn't feel right. We were meant to touch. "To come here."