Old Friends (Janet and Toni Fanfic)

Chapter 53: Part III

Toni

My body was literally overheating with frustration and utter resentment. The room was spinning as I stood up to leave the table. I couldn't think about my filter, Janet, or anything else that didn't have to do with my mother's venomous words. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to throw things. And punch. And inflict pain on anything to come across my path. I couldn't, nor did I want to calm down for any reason. I would have loved to be so angry forever. I was feeding off of the pure adrenaline, but the only issue was that I had no release. Somewhere in my subconscious I knew I couldn't carry out half the actions I was longing to do; she was my mother, at the end of the day. But never in my life had I been so utterly disgusted. Maybe it was because she was my mother. She was supposed to be the one person to accept me no matter what. Any one else would have just had me count to ten and pray about it.

But this was different. I could have killed her. It crossed my mind for far too long of a moment. That's how angry I was.

I ended up in my study, leaning over the dark, wooden desk as my head pounded in a fierce rage. What was I going to do? What was I going to destroy?

  "Toni, come on now," I heard Tamar's voice ringing somewhere behind me. It felt imagined. I was here by myself. I didn't respond.  I couldn't. But it grew nearer and nearer with every passing second. She would find me. But I supposed I wasn't really hiding.

  "She's in here... Toni, y'all need to talk."

She opened the door and I heard the sound of 2 sets of footsteps. Evelyn. I refused to turn around.

  "I have nothing to say," I responded through gritted teeth. "You can go."

  "Tamar, go head. I don't want you to have to be an eyewitness," Evelyn said.

  "Mommy-"

  "Child, didn't you hear me? Go."

Then it was quiet after she shut the door.

  "Toni Michele Braxton, look at me. Turn around, right now."

Every second that passed that I heard her speak made a vein pulse in my forehead. I would snap before she even said what she really wanted to. I didn't care. It was her fault.

  "No," I said simply.

  "No?"

  I remained quiet and unwilling.

  "Toni, don't make me-"

   "What, Evelyn? You could not cause any more pain than you already have."

  "Watch your damn mouth with me. Calling me by my name, have you lost your natural mind?"

I smiled, shaking my head before turning around. I wanted her to see just how unafraid I was of her.

  "Maybe I have," I shrugged, the smile quickly falling to an ugly sneer. "I'm already destined to rot in hell, what difference does it make now, huh? You hate me, God hates me, I'm a lost cause."

"Say that I hate you one more time. I dare you."

  "Why don't you? Save me the trouble."

"I could strangle you right now, I swear."

  "Go ahead." I stepped forward, and reached around to unclasp the gold chain I sported. "It's all yours."

  Evelyn winded back and collided an open palm to my cheek. It sent me stumbling back on my feet, but that was about it. I was that numb. So numb, that I laughed.