American Woman

Chapter 26

Over the course of the spring Lenny and I started tracking when I was ovulating and made sure to have sex as many times as we could during those days. I would normally put my feet up on the headboard afterwards just to try to help nature out. We had negative pregnancy tests in March, April, May, and June. Each time I would have a breakdown and Lenny would do his best to comfort me. "Please baby don't cry. It's going to be ok. I promise. We just have to keep at it."
"I want to go to the doctor just to have him check everything out. Plus maybe he can give us some tips on things to try to help increase our chances of conceiving."
"Ok sugar. I'll do whatever you want to do. I just want to make you happy. I hate seeing you like this. I feel like I'm failing on my promise to make you the happiest woman alive."
"Oh baby I don't mean to make you feel that way. You make me so incredibly happy. How lucky and blessed I am is not lost on me. I do know it. I am just ready to start a family with you. I can't wait any longer." As I went to grab the phone to call my doctor, it rang.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Jensen honey it's Roxie."
"Hey! How are you?"
"I'm fine sugar. Is my boy nearby?"
"Yes. He's right here. Hold on." Turning to hand the phone to Lenny I say "it's your mom baby."
"Hey mom what's up?"
"Oh just same ole same ole. How's my baby boy? You haven't been around as much lately."
"I'm sorry mom. I've been trying to get this album finished. The record company says they want it to be released by September."
"Well think you could find a night soon to come have dinner with your poor old lonely mother."
"Of course mom. You sure know how to make a guy feel bad. How does tomorrow night sound?" Addressing Jensen, "baby we don't have anything going on tomorrow night do we?"
"No. But tell her we don't have Zoe this week if she wants to wait until Monday so she can join us."
"Oh yeah mom Zoe won't be here. How about we wait until next week?"
"No honey I actually just want it to be the 3 of us...you, me and Jen."
"Oh ok. 6:00 sound alright? What do we need to bring?"
"Just bring yourselves. See you then. I love you!"
"I love you too mom. Bye."
"I wonder what that's all about?" I ask Lenny. "I've never known her to turn down a chance to see Zoe."
"I don't know. That is weird. Oh God Jen what all have you told your mom about us trying to get pregnant?"
"Not a whole lot. Just that we are struggling a little. I'm sorry babe. Was I not supposed to tell her? I didn't mean to involve her in our business. I just knew it took her and dad awhile to get pregnant with me and then they could never conceive again after me. They tried for a long time but it just never happened. Hence why I'm an only child. It made me feel better talking to her though. She said as soon as she and dad just kinda put it on the back burner and tried to not stress about it they found out she was pregnant with me. They never found out why they had such a hard time but it did finally happen. I know it will happen for us too."
"I don't care that you discussed it with her sugar. Especially since it seemed to give you a positive outlook on it. I just know anything your mom knows, my mom is going to know. They couldn't keep a secret between the two of them if their life depended on it. I have a feeling we were invited to dinner so my mom could give us some tips on conception."
"Oh my god! You don't really think so. Do you? I'm not going. That is going to be so embarrassing."
"Your ass is going! If I have to hear it, so do you!"
The next day we drive up to Roxie's house and make our way to her front door. "Just try to keep talking about other stuff and maybe she won't have an opportunity to bring it up. If you feel like she is about to, fake sickness and we will leave." Lenny says while knocking on the door. We gave each other a fist bump and Roxie swings open the door. "Well no wonder y'all ain't knocked up yet. What are y'all fist bumping about? You know that is not how to get her pregnant right Len?"
"Shit mom don't beat around the bush or anything. Why don't you just come right out with it? And yes I know how it all works mom but thanks for your concern."
"Oh I'm just teasing. Come on in my babies. Dinner is almost ready. I hope you came hungry."
"Geez mom you cooked enough to fed a small village. I thought it was just going to be the three of us."
"It is honey. You know how much I like to have leftovers. Plus I wanted to send plenty home with y'all. Give me daughter a little break from cooking for a couple nights."
"Thanks Roxie. That's really sweet of you. I know Lenny misses your cooking. His face doesn't lie when he eats my cooking."
"That is so not true sugar! I love your cooking. When have I ever complained?"
"You don't! But I've seen you dump things in the trash before."
"No that's Zoe!"
"I watched you do it 3 nights ago when I cooked meatloaf."
"That was meatloaf? Oh my god. It wasn't the right color Jen! Momma she needs help. Can you help her?"
"Lenny! Don't talk about your wife like that. I'm sure she is a great cook. It took me many years to get everything right. Just be patient with her. She's trying."
"Mom it tasted like feet!"
"Shut up! It wasn't that bad! It may have just needed a little more salt." Lenny gives his mom a wide eyed stare and shakes his head.
"Ok you two! Quit bickering. I feel like you are kids again. Now sit down and let's dig in." We ate and talked and before we knew it it was almost 8:00. "Ok well I think I've let it settle long enough. How about you two? Would you like a slice of apple pie." Roxie offers.
"Sure. Let me get it." I say getting up from the table. "Baby do you want a slice?"
"Yeah but just a little one. I'm about to have to unbutton my pants!"
I cut three small slices of the pie and put them on saucers. I made my way back to the table and we start to dig in. "Ok Roxie. You have always made the best apple pie. Do you mind sharing the recipe with me?"
"Sure honey. I need to start sharing all my family recipes with you. Most of them though you will just have to cook along with me and write it down as we go. It is mainly all up here." She says pointing to her brain. "How about we start doing that a couple times a week? Want to start tomorrow?"
"Whoa mom what's the rush? I was mainly teasing. Jen isn't that bad. She just needs a little fine tuning with some recipes."
"Well don't you want her to be able to fix all the foods you enjoyed growing up?"
"Of course but I don't think that means she needs to go through cooking boot camp. You can just show her when we come over or at holidays."
"Lenny I have cancer."
"W-w-what?!"
"Breast cancer. Stage 4. I'm sorry honey. I didn't mean to come off as pushy. I just probably won't have too many more holidays to show her. Her momma can though. I think Diane has helped me cook all your favorites at least a thousand times..."
Lenny gets up from the table and knocks his chair back onto the floor. He throws his fork down on his plate and storms out the front door.
"Oh honey go after him please."
I quickly get up from the table and walk outside. "Lenny? Baby? Where did you go?"
I see him leaning with his back against the passenger side door of our car. I walk up to him and embrace him. He has tears streaming down his face. He grabs ahold of me and squeezes me so hard I can barely breathe. "I can't lose my momma Jen! I just can't!" He sobs. "I'll die if I lose her!"