American Woman

Chapter 49

Sitting in the dark, alone, in Prince's vehicle, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't drive out of the ditch, it was too deep. I didn't know the area well at all so I really didn't want to get out of the car and start walking. I knew I could try to walk back to the rehabilitation center, but I was probably almost 10 miles away by now. Honestly I was more scared of getting hit since it was a dark and I was wearing black. I estimated I would be out of gas within an hour. Not that I really needed it since I couldn't move. Thankfully it wasn't a cold night so I didn't need the heater. I turned the car off, but left the lights on in case someone drove by. I wanted someone to come, but I was also nervous about who might stop. Getting raped or murdered would really just put the icing on the cake that was this day. After about an hour, not a single car had passed. I assume this was bc it was a pretty remote road coupled with being after dark on a weeknight. By hour two panic had started to set in. Would I have to stay here all night? I decided I should just make myself comfortable in the backseat and if nobody stopped I would walk back to rehab once it was light outside. Part of me doesn't want to deal with the repercussions I knew were coming from Prince anyway. I locked the doors and climbed into the backseat, laid down, and covered myself with my coat. As soon as I had dozed off, I could sense headlights. I didn't even raise up, I was too scared. Then I heard a car door slam. Shit! Someone is coming to look in the car. I put the coat over my head hoping it would shield anyone from seeing me. I hear a tapping on the back drivers side window. I laid perfectly still. Then I heard "Jensen, its Prince. I can see your feet momma. Are you ok?" A part of me wanted to just keep laying there hidden. I was relieved he was here, but I felt so guilty about wrecking his car. "Jensen. Please respond."
I pull the coat back from my face and say "I'm fine, but your car isn't. I'm so sorry! There was a deer and..."
"I'm not worried about a piece of metal. Im just glad you're ok. Can you please unlock the door?" I raise up and unlock the back door and he immediately opens it and climbs in beside me. In that moment, the whole stupid day came crashing down on me and I grabbed him, buried my head in his neck and started sobbing. "I'm so sorry. I assured you I was a good driver and the first time I take it I do this. I won't drive any of you cars anymore..."
"Would you stop. It's ok." He said leaving a light kiss on my temple. "I'm just glad I found you. You had us worried sick."
"Us?" I asked.
"Lenny called about an hour ago saying you should have been back by now. I assured him I would find you. He was nervous as hell momma. So was I."
"I didn't mean to worry anyone. I didn't know what else to do but stay here and wait though."
"You did the right thing. You waited for your Prince to find you." He said breaking the tension and making me giggle. "There you go momma just relax. Those deer can come out of nowhere huh?"
"Yes they sure can. I didn't exactly have my eyes on the road though."
"What were you doing?"
"Looking in the rear view mirror."
"You always look beautiful what do you need to look in the mirror for?" He said making my heart accelerate.
"I was trying to get the tears out of my eyes. They were blurring my vision, which apparently was better than taking my eyes off the road." He pulls me back to look at him and wipes away a tear with his thumb. "What were you crying about? Something with Lenny?"
"Well not him. He didn't do anything if that's what you mean. We actually had a wonderful day and he seems to be doing great. But as I was walking out one of the nurses started basically telling me not to get my hopes up just bc he seems to be doing well right now. I don't know it just really bummed me out. I left so hopeful and she just sucked it right out of me."
"Jensen don't let what she said dictate how you feel. You are in charge of your own thoughts. If you think he is doing well, then he is."
"No I mean she said he was too. Just that the patients enthusiasm tends to fade as the weeks go by."
"Well they may be true. I mean everything gets tough eventually. Real life hits! But that doesn't mean he will fail. Just keep the faith."
"You always know how to make me feel better. Thank you."
"Let's get you home and call Lenny so he can sleep peacefully tonight."
"What about your car?"
"I'll have a wrecker come get it tomorrow and haul it back to Paisley."
"But Prince I'm sure it has damage. It will need to be repaired. I'll pay the cost to get it fixed..."
"No you won't." He said while leaning up to turn off the headlights and grab the keys out of the ignition. "Jensen you had a wreck. It's not like you did it on purpose. I will take care of it. Don't worry." I couldn't believe how understanding he was being. Here comes the inappropriate feelings and thoughts. It took all I had not to kiss him. I think most of it was that I was just thankful he wasn't pissed.
The first half of the car ride home was pretty silent other than Prince asking several times if I was ok and hadn't gotten any injuries. I assured him I was fine. "I might be a little sore tomorrow but other than that I'll be fine."
"Well if after you go to bed you think something is wrong, please come get me and I'll get a doctor to come see you." As I was thinking about how if I go to his bedroom tonight it won't be to fetch a doctor, he abruptly changes the subject. "So Jensen did you happen to see the papers on my desk today?"
"Yes." I answered honestly. "I wasn't trying to look and I couldn't tell you anything other than it was a petition for divorce."
"I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone what you saw, especially Mayte."
"Well I don't even speak to her anymore even if I wanted to tell her. But you have my word. After all you've done for me, it's the least I could do. But if you don't mind me asking are you sure you want to get divorced?"
"No. Nobody wants to Jensen."
"Well I know I just meant..."
"There is no other option. She's a shell of the woman I met and married. We are unable to move on together. I'm afraid she won't be able to move on alone."
"It breaks my heart. She wasn't the same person I knew before. Does she communicate with anyone?"
"I don't know. I think her mother stays with her a lot in Spain. But other than that, I think she had shut herself off from basically everyone and everything."
"I can't imagine having to deal with what she has...what you both have."
"I thought she was going to be ok when she got pregnant again. But after we lost that baby too, she never came back to me. I hurt too don't get me wrong. I was messed up for a long time. Still am sometimes. But I've had to deal with a lot of grief and disappointment in my life and although absolutely nothing can prepare you for the loss of your own children, I think the fact that Mayte is so young and has never really had anything traumatic ever happen to her, she just couldn't find a way to cope in a healthy way. Her first introduction to grief was the most painful experience a human can endure."
"Has she tried therapy or medication?"
"I tried to get her to do both. She did for awhile but it really didn't seem to help much. That's why I said it's just not an option to stay with her. Not to sound harsh but I can't move forward with her. She's stuck and I can't help her."
"You don't need to feel guilty for that. When I talked to her when she was here, she acted like divorce was imminent. So why are you trying to keep it from her?"
"I'm not trying to keep it from her. I just want to speak to her in person about it. The papers you saw were just a rough draft of what I want to present her with. I just don't want her to think I've done something behind her back or am out to get her. That's the last thing she needs. She is supposed to return in a few weeks. I just wanted to have things prepared for a discussion when she comes."
"I totally understand that. My lips are sealed. You have my promise. Who knows maybe she will come back and y'all can work things out."
"Oh Jensen. I wish I could have your optimism. But it's over. There's no turning back. Things can never be like that were or even half way good again. We have just lost too much. We both need a fresh start....apart. You know?"
I didn't respond but my head was spinning from his words. Yeah I think I do know what he means...exactly.