American Woman

Chapter 61

*Final chapter of this book!

I would be lying if I said I didn't have to stop myself numerous times over the next few months from calling up Prince and changing my mind. Of course I still had feelings for him. And I still desired him. And I do think he was telling me the truth about what happened in his bedroom. But once I got away from the situation for awhile I realized how foolish I was to think we could just leave our spouses and live happily ever after. He may be Prince but this isn't a damn fairytale. He honored my request and I hadn't heard hide nor hair from him in anyway. I know I told him to leave me in peace but the fact that he didn't even try to contact me a single time broke my heart a little. I just knew that Manuela chick had probably sunk her claws into him by now. And I was jealous. I wanted to know what it felt like to be his woman. To be by his side. To share his bed. Obviously things between Lenny and I didn't improve after leaving Paisley. I didn't think it was possible but they got worse. He was convinced I had slept with Prince and he left for another tour as soon as my classes started in September. Since he wasn't around I didn't really feel the need to hurry and file divorce since he was rarely home anyway. Maybe I could wait until this semester was over. I was graduating in December so at least tuition would be one less cost for me to worry about. I knew I probably wouldn't get a teaching job in January but I could work at the bank or try to sub full time and hopefully get a teaching position next fall. I was ready for my fresh start on life...by myself.
I graduated, with honors, on December 10, 1999, and Lenny actually came and so did my parents. We had a nice lunch together afterwards and I felt bad that soon I would be blindsiding them with news of my divorce. Well surely it won't be too much of a shock to Lenny. He has to know it's looming. But my parents are clueless about my personal life. We haven't been close since Roxie died 4 years ago. About a week before the big New Years performance Lenny made mention about rehearsals starting the following day. When I didn't have much of a reaction to that news it set him off and he said "did you hear me? I said I start rehearsals with your boy toy tomorrow? Did you want to join me so you can see him?"
"He's not my boy toy...and never was. And no I don't want to go. I'm working all week. I'll be there for the performance though. To support you."
"Yeah right! You just want to get a New Years kiss from him."
And that's when I finally snapped. I've had enough. "That's it Lenny. I'm done. I want out. I'm filing for divorce this week."
"No you're not. Jensen you won't be able to support yourself. You need to think before you go spouting off at the mouth."
"I'm not. I've been planning this for a year. Saving up money. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. And I don't want or need a penny from you. I just want to be happy. I don't want to be with you or here anymore. I'll start looking for an apartment this week."
Before I could even turn to exit the room, he was grabbing my legs. "No Jensen. Please. Don't leave me. I'm sorry. For everything. I don't think you had an affair with him. I'll stop the weed and alcohol. Whatever you want, I'll do it baby. Just give me a chance."
I had never seen him so desperate or pathetic in my life. "Lenny there's nothing you can do or say now to make me change my mind. You should have said these things months, years ago. It's too late! I'm not in love with you anymore. I just want out."
He jumps to his feet. "Fuck you then! Go! Leave! If you want to leave me then you can't stay in my house. Get your ass out by tonight."
I knew I didn't really have anywhere to go but I wasn't going to beg to stay. I called up a girl at the bank and asked if I could stay with her for a few nights and she agreed. I packed a few things and left. I spent that week working and then going around to apartments. I will admit they were way more expensive, even for just a one bedroom, than I realized. I knew it would be tight. But I could do it for a few months. Once I got a teaching job I should be able to live more comfortably. I didn't need cable or any luxuries. I just wanted to have a place to call my own. I settled on a small apartment near the bank and they said I could move in after the first of the year. I also found time to file for divorce. Lenny contacted me the night before New Years Eve and begged me to come to the concert. I don't know why he wanted me there but I agreed to go. I needed to tell him about filing anyway. My mind was so consumed with breaking the news to Lenny that I almost forgot Prince would also be there. Lenny met me at the doors of the venue and gave me a VIP pass so I could go backstage if I wanted. He led me to his dressing room and he actually looked clean. "You look good." I say.
"So do you. I'm sorry for kicking you out sugar. You can come back home tonight. I have something special planned. I haven't smoked or drank all week. I'm ready to be the man you want and need Jensen. I love you. Just come home to me baby. I'll prove it to you, ok?"
"I don't know Lenny. I've already found somewhere to live. I can move in in a couple days. And I have filed already. You will be getting served papers soon. Let's just end this amicably and move on with our lives separately. I want the best for you and I hope you want the best for me too."
He kneels down in front of me and puts his head in my hands. "I do want the best...for both of us. And that's to stay together. Get back what we had. I will work hard to get back to that. I swear to you. And you can back out of the apartment and stop the papers. Those are easy fixes."
"Lenny I just don't know. I don't think it will work. We have done too much damage. Maybe I will stop the divorce for awhile but I think we need to live separately."
"Ok baby. We can start there. Just don't put the nail in the coffin yet. Give us a shot."
"Ok. Fine. But I'm not playing around. There is no 3 strike rule. One strike and you're out. No weed. No alcohol. No accusing me of cheating."
"Done baby. I guarantee you." He brings his head up and kisses me, slipping his tongue into my mouth. We hadn't kissed like this since that first visit in rehab. It felt nice. It felt comfortable. Just as I was really getting into it, I heard someone clear their throat. Lenny and I broke the kiss and Prince is standing in the doorway wearing a shiny blue outfit that almost blinded me, his long hair styled, and a huge hoop earring. Fuck! He says "it's almost showtime man. Are you ready?"
"More than ready man. Let's tear the roof off this motherfucker." Lenny responds and jets out the door. I stand up and straighten out my skirt and wipe the lingering of Lenny's kiss off my lips. "Hey momma you look really nice tonight. Hope you enjoy the show."
I couldn't even speak. I just smiled like a goober and watched him leave the room. A few minutes later I go out just in time to see them walking in together and perform "American Woman."