American Woman

Chapter 39

Over the course of the next few months Lenny and I settled into a routine of smoking pot together all day and night. He normally drank excessively too. I just stuck to the weed. In some twisted way it brought us both closer...in our own heads anyway. We took on a sort of Bonnie and Clyde type personas. It was us against the world. Nobody understood us. We only had each other. A normal day, on the weeks we had Zoe, looked like one of us dragging ourselves out of bed to take her to school and then coming back and smoking pot and eating junk food until about 2:00 when we would "rock paper scissors" for who needed to stop taking hits to be able to pick Zoe up from school. We would try our best to not smoke or drink until Zoe went to bed, and we didn't the majority of the time. But as soon as her head hit the pillow we went right back to it until we passed out for the night. We also were having a lot of sex. Neither one of us had a clue if we ever reached an orgasm, but while it was happening it felt amazing. Not that reaching orgasm really mattered at that point. I didn't care about anything. Having a baby rarely entered my mind anymore.
One day right before Thanksgiving, Lenny and I were vegged out on the couch flipping through channels on the tv, when the faces of our two former best friends popped up. Lenny stopped and sat down the remote. "Holy shit! That motherfucker is on Oprah!"
"Oh my god have they lost their minds?!Thought he was soooo private?!" I said with an eye roll. "Wonder if they're going to show off the baby. You know I read it was a boy. But I've also read there was something wrong with him. But who knows with the media...or Prince."
"I heard he died." Lenny said while throwing back a shot.
Instantly I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach. "Died?! No way. They wouldn't be talking to Oprah if their baby died. Who the hell told you that? That's just sick!"
"I think it may be true. I heard it from someone when I was at Virgin the other day. He knew somebody who knew somebody."
"I don't believe it! People just spreading rumors. Or some twisted thing Prince wants people to think to leave him alone."
We continued to watch the episode and listened as someone claimed to be the best man at his wedding. That was like a shot in the heart. They hated us.
After a bunch of mushy stuff about how in love they were, awkward talk about Princes childhood and parents and how he may have a woman alter ego, Oprah finally addressed the baby. Like a couple of weirdos, they refused to answer anything and, at one point, while showing off a playroom to Oprah, Prince said "it's all good. Nevermind what you hear."
"See!" I said turning to Lenny. "The baby may be sick or something, but he ain't dead!"
"I guess not. Don't know why that guy would say that though. He said he had a birth defect."
"Well maybe he does. But you don't always die from it. Surely they would have called us if their baby died."
"No they wouldn't! Jensen I know Prince. Once he drops you, he drops you. We will never hear from that motherfucker again."
My high had worn off by this point and I was finally feeling things I had been trying to avoid since we left Paisley. I started crying and said "maybe I should call Mayte. I need to apologize. If there is something wrong with their baby, or worse, I want to be there for her."
"I highly doubt she wants to hear from you. And even if she does, Prince wouldn't allow it."
"Oh my god! What if us smoking in house caused some sort of deformity?!" I cried.
"Get a grip babe. Her smelling a little weed one time didn't do a damn thing to that baby! It either was that way from the beginning or Prince not letting her get the proper nutrition or medical attention required of a pregnancy caused it."
"What do you mean?"
"Well the last time we were there, he was saying he didn't want her eating any meat and stuff like that. Then said he planned on just bringing in a doctor once she was in labor."
"Why would he do that?!"
"Because he is a freak that's why! He thinks he knows best...about everything. It kind of serves him right if something did go wrong. Knock him down a notch or two. Bring him back to earth with the rest of us."
"Lenny don't say that! That's awful. Hopefully everything will be fine and whatever the baby was born with isn't terminal."

All seeing them did was compound the problems. I missed them. In spite of it all and on top of everything else, I missed my best friends. I felt so alone. So what else to do when you're feeling depressed but find something to help. I thought Lenny always seemed to be having a better time than me, so I decided it must be the weed mixed with the alcohol combination. And I was right. It helped for awhile.

For the next several months, life was like Groundhog Day. We woke up, took Zoe to school, got drunk and high, tried to sober up enough to drive the short distance to her school to pick her up, play perfect mother and father to her, and then mellow out until we fell asleep. Nobody was any the wiser about how we lived. I rarely talked to my parents since Roxie died, and when I did see them at holidays and stuff I had gotten good at hiding it and so had Lenny. I really didn't have any friends I kept in contact with anymore so I didn't have to hide anything from them. Lenny didn't have to try to hide it around anyone he came in contact with bc it just went along with his rockstar persona.
One day in September of 1997 Lisa showed up at our door while Zoe was at school. Lenny and I were of course high and drunk off our asses but we got rid of all the evidence laying out and answered the door. "Lisa!" Lenny says while answering the door. "What brings you by on this lovely day? You do realize Zoe is at school right?"
"Of course I realize that. Im surprised you do! I stopped by bc I finally got tired of hearing Zoe complain about how weird you and Jensen are and decided to come talk to you about what's going on. But by the looks of you two and the smell radiating in this house, I now know why!"
"Oh shut up Lisa. If I came barging into your life every time Zoe complained about you or your boyfriend, it would be every week. Let's just remember she is 8 and will say stuff whenever she is upset with one of us. Don't take it so serious."
"I will take it serious! She is my child and her welfare is my top priority."
"Great! We both agree on something. Thanks for stopping by!" Lenny says while trying to shut the door on her. She sticks her foot out and stops it from closing. Lenny opens it back up and groans "Lisa please just leave."
"I will. But our little arrangement will be changing."
"What the fuck are you talking about?!"
"You do remember you really only have visitation rights, correct?"
"Yeah, ok. So?"
"So I think we need to enforce that starting now."
"Are you kidding me? No! You can't keep my child from me Lisa!"
"I'm not going to keep her from you right now. I will let you have her under the agreement of the court papers. You will have her every other weekend from 6:00 pm Friday until 6:00pm Sunday and then again every other Wednesday from 4:00pm-8:00pm. I'll have to look up the holiday and summer schedule and get back to you."
"Lisa you can't do this! That's barely any time with her! I won't even be taking her to school that way."
"Precisely! Thank God! Do you know how much danger you've been putting her in! I wish I hadn't waited so long now. She's been telling me this for months!"
"I won't allow this! You will be hearing from my lawyer I promise you that!"
"Go ahead Lenny. That might just ensure you losing all your time with her. And if you...and you..." she turned to glare and point her finger at me..."don't get your acts together, I will move for you to have only supervised visitations with her."
"Don't threaten us Lisa! Just get the hell out of here!" Lenny yelled while slamming the door in her face.
"Baby we have to stop! We are going to lose Zoe. I'm stopping right now." I ran to the kitchen and started pouring the alcohol down the drain. Lenny yells for me to stop but I run to grab our stash of weed and went to the bathroom to flush it. Lenny wrestles it out of my hands before I could. "Stop. Ok just stop! She can't dictate our lives! We aren't hurting Zoe. I will fix this. Just don't freak out!"