American Woman

Chapter 36

Envy. It's such a natural but ugly thing. Everyone struggles with it to some degree that's for sure. But it gets really unhealthy when you let it start consuming you. I was never really the typical jealous teenage girl. Of course there were girls I saw and would think things like "I wish my hair looked like that" or "I would give anything for my stomach to be that flat." But nothing more than fleeting thoughts. The only time I really struggled with it was when Lisa was married to Lenny, but it was more that I wanted to be her than jealous of her. I didn't want to be Mayte. I just wanted to have what she had too. I wanted it to come easy for me the way it did for her. It's easier to not be envious of someone when you are content with your own life. But when yours seems to be crashing down and theirs seems to be smooth sailing it starts eating at you. Of course I wasn't letting anyone know of this feeling. It made me feel like the ultimate bitch. What kind of friend would I be to try to, in any way, rain on their parade with my own bitterness.
However I was avoiding them both to a degree. I had turned down a couple of invitations to come to Paisley over the next three months after Maytes announcement. I made up excuses about Zoe and her schedule. I don't think she suspected anything bc we would still talk regularly on the phone. I just couldn't have her see my face when she would talk about the baby. And I was scared I wouldn't be able to hide my emotions if I saw her baby bump.
One day after taking another failed pregnancy test, I went out to our back porch and saw Lenny smoking a joint and drinking. "Care to share?" I ask while taking a seat next to him.
"Are you fucking serious?! The joint or the alcohol?
"Either. Both."
"Hell yeah. Here ya go!" He says while passing me the joint. I had never smoked anything before but I felt like I had witnessed Lenny do it so many times that I had an idea. After about half an hour of taking hits off the joint and downing the liquor I was feeling pretty loose and everything Lenny was saying became hysterical. However it took a turn when he says "so what's gotten into you that you wanted to come join me?"
"Life sucks. It just fucking blows."
"I agree. Is it bc you haven't gotten pregnant yet? Maybe it's time you go to the doctor."
"Sounds like you've lost a little of your confidence."
Nah I know I can get a woman pregnant. I've done it before."
"Oh so it's me??!!! Fuck you! It's could be you! You have probably killed off all your sperm cells with all the damn weed you smoke."
"We had this problem way before I ever smoked a single joint and you know it. Don't put the blame solely on me Jensen."
"I'm sorry. It is not even you I'm mad at. It's Mayte."
"What are you mad at her for? Bc she's pregnant? That's fucked up babe."
"I'm not mad at her. I'm just mad at the situation. We got married first. We should get to have a baby first. It is not fucking fair!"
"Well that's not the way it works. Plus just bc she's pregnant doesn't mean their life is better than ours. I bet theirs isn't so great."
"Well that's a shitty thing to say. Why do you think that?"
"Well it may appear or may even be rosy right now but that won't last long."
"Well duh nobody's life is perfect all the time. Every relationship goes through hardships."
"That's not what I mean. It's just Prince."
"What about him? Oh my god he's not having an affair is he?"
"No! I mean who knows but not that I know of. It's just he gets bored easily. He's all into Mayte and having a baby and being some big family man at the moment, but it won't last. Nothing ever does with him. He will eventually tire of it and look for the next new exciting thing."
"I hope not. Or maybe I hope so. How fucked up is that?! I am sitting here hoping their life starts to suck!"
"Even if prince sticks it out for awhile with her after the baby do you realize how fucked up that kid will be?"
"Why is that? Because of his music?"
"Well yeah partly that but I mean Prince is weird man and you know it. He basically has servants who do everything for him and I don't know he just doesn't live like a normal human. Hell he doesn't even really have a name."
"I don't know. He was really good with Zoe. But  the poor kid will probably be four feet tall."
"Yeah with Maytes ugly ass feet!"
"You know her body isn't going to be the perfect little firm thing it was. Her tits will sag. I hope she gets major stretch marks. And I hope her vagina is so loose Prince doesn't even want to bang her anymore."
"Fuck Jensen I didn't know you were so petty. But yeah she can kiss her career with Prince goodbye if nothing else. Fuck them."
"Yeah...and that baby."