American Woman

Chapter 31

I pulled back and saw Lenny at the window. I know I hadn't done anything wrong, but with Lenny's current state I felt like a kid who had just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I wasn't sure how he was going to react. He's completely unpredictable at the moment. Prince seemed cool as a cucumber. He and I both swiftly exit the car and I walk around to where they are standing. Prince gives Lenny a big hug and says "I'm so sorry man. Is there anything I can do?"
"Well embracing my wife in a dark car alone sure isn't one of them."
"Lenny don't! This isn't the time nor place. You aren't even thinking straight right now. You know good and well there was nothing wrong with what we were doing." I interrupt.
"Well sorry to break up the party but would you like to join me inside or do you just want to go back to Princes and hang out some more."
"Hey man. Don't take that out on her. We asked her to come back with us. This is killing her. I was just trying to comfort her. She is distraught about not being here with you. If you are going to blame anyone for it, blame me."
"Ok. I blame you. If you ever thought about anything other than how much pussy you can bring back home maybe she would have been here with me. Where she belongs."
"Lenny come on. Let's just go inside. Ok?" He turns back towards the entrance to the hospice house leaving us standing there dumbfounded.
"Sorry. He is pissed at the world right now. I am going to go to try to talk some sense into him. And comfort him. I can't imagine how bad he is hurting."
"You know someone told me once that anger is really just sadness. He didn't mean any of it. Are you alright?"
"Yeah I gotta get in there. Or next he will accuse us of fucking out here."
"Well he's already mad so we might as well."
"Get in the car before I kick you in the balls."
"Bye momma. And good luck."
He squeezes my hand and jumps in his car. As I make my way into the hospice house my heart is pounding in my chest. The first person I see is my mom. Before I can even get within 5 feet of her, she whips around and says "where the hell have you been?! Your husband needs you. What in the world kept you from not being here?"
"I'm sorry mom. I went to watch Prince and Mayte perform and then went back to his house with them. Do you think I would have not been here if I knew she was going to pass. The nurse said it would be awhile longer."
"Don't put the blame on a nurse! You make your own decisions. You chose to be hanging out with your nasty little friends instead of doing your duty as a wife. Lenny deserves more than that."
"He told me I could go to the show! And my friends aren't nasty. They are good people. You don't even know them."
"I see the disgusting things they do and hear the things he sings about. Then they convince you to come party with them instead of being by your husband's side during the worst hours of his life. Those aren't true friends Jensen. You belonged here with your family."
"I'm not going to argue with you about this right now. Just know you are wrong about them. I don't even want to look at you. Where is Lenny?"
"He is talking to the funeral home director. Get your ass in there with him. Now."
I make my way into an office and seeing Lenny filling out some papers. The man I assume is the funeral director looks up as I open the door and says "this is a private area ma'am. We will be done soon." Lenny looks up and responds "it's ok. She's my wife." As stupid as it may sound I felt a rush of relief that he didn't ask me to leave too. I make my way over and sit at the chair next to him. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Can you bring my mom back?"
"Baby..."
"Can you rewind time and have been here?"
"Lenny please..."
"Then no. There is absolutely not a fucking thing you can do to help."
The man clears his throat and stands up from his chair. "I'll give you two some privacy. Mr. Kravitz if you have any questions just let me know I'll be right outside in the hallway." He quietly goes out the door.
"Here baby. Let me fill all these out for you." I offered.
"You think that's going to make up for everything?" He says putting down the pen.
"No. I just want to help you."
"I don't need your help now. I needed it 2 hours ago when I watched my mom take her last breath."
I immediately breakdown and say "Lenny I know you will never forgive me for that. I'll never forgive myself. But I didn't do anything intentionally. Do you think I wouldn't have been here had I known? You told me to go."
"Oh awesome so one more thing that's my fault...there I went failing again! I told you to go to the show. I never told you to go back to his house. Do you know how I felt when the nurse came in and told me we only had hours left? I started calling everyone to come. And everyone did. Everyone except you. Everybody was asking where you were and I'm sitting there with the phone glued to my ear for 2 hours straight calling the house and telling them I don't know where you are. They must think you are quite the supportive wife. You made yourself look like an ass. But I guess you were too busy living it up to care."
"How dare you say that! You know I care. It wasn't like you got ahold of me and I just chose to not show up. And I wasn't living it up. Mayte was excited to tell me they got engaged and we were talking about that."
"Pffff engaged. What's that motherfucker up to? He didn't look real engaged and you sure as fuck didn't look married when I banged on his car window."
"He's not up to anything. He is in love with Mayte and they're getting married in a couple months."
"Well look at you defending him! I guess you can be supportive. Isn't he special to earn all your attention these days."
"Stop it! Just stop it! I know you're hurt over your mom. So am I! But I'm not going to sit here and me your punching bag! I am supportive of you and you damn well know it. I fucked up alright?! I should have been here. But I wasn't. I didn't do it on purpose. Everyone makes mistakes. Now can we please quit arguing over things that don't even matter?! Now give me the pen."
"You won't know this stuff. Just let me do it. Maybe you should just go back out there and talk to everyone who has been wondering where you were all night."
I grabbed the pen off the table and scoot the papers over in front of me. "They don't matter right now. I really don't care what they think. And I will know this stuff. I know everything about Roxie and you and your whole family."
I must have hit a trigger because as soon as that last sentence tumbled out of my mouth, Lenny fell into my lap and sobbed uncontrollably. "Why Jensen?! Why did this have to happen to her???!!! I can't go on. I just can't!"