American Woman

Chapter 58

The entire night I laid awake crying and my mind was racing. The first thing I started feeling was extremely guilty. I can't believe I had entertained the thought of leaving Lenny for him. Lenny has his issues and problems, but I've never known him to lie to me or manipulate me. I would rather live with someone who may be high or drunk a lot than someone I could never trust. Trust is everything and I have none left when it comes to Prince. I now question anything and everything he ever told me...about everything and everyone!
But on the other hand maybe I have no right to be mad. Am I really pissed that he was having sex or whatever with his own wife? Shouldn't I be happy they have reconciled? Maybe he was never going to confess anything to me. Maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe it was all in my head and I was the only one with feelings. Can I really blame him for that?
Yes! Yes I can! Bc I swear he did and said things that made me think he had feelings too! What else would he be wanting to tell me? He said it was about how he had been feeling...that it could change a lot of things! And he wanted to wait until he settled things with Mayte. Well he settled them alright!!! There is no other explanation for something he was waiting to tell me. What had she said or done to convince him to give her another chance?! He was so confident when he told me it was over and there was no way they could reconcile. So what could have possibly changed his mind?! Or was he just fucking with me all along? I hated him! I hated her!
Hell maybe it wasn't even her in there. It wasn't like I checked her bedroom. For all I know it was some other woman in there with him. For all I know he's had another woman in there every night all summer long. He's a dog! That's all there is to it. I knew it from the first moment I met him. I should have stuck with my gut reaction of him. He's a piece of fucking shit and I never want to lay eyes on him ever again.
I must have finally dozed off from exhaustion at some point. When I was woke up my head was pounding. I've never had a migraine before, but this felt like what I would imagine one to be. I needed to take something so I can think clearly. I've got to figure out what to do. I am not staying here another night. But I need Lenny to stay here so I can't go back to LA yet. I could find a hotel but I would have to come up with some reason to tell Lenny I was staying there instead of here. I couldn't really say "well I was having feelings for Prince and wanted to leave you for him but then I heard him and Mayte fucking and I got mad and left." I've got to find some Tylenol, figure this out quickly, and get the fuck out of here. I make my way down to the kitchen around 11:00 to see if I could find something to take. Shit! I had forgotten Prince asked me to meet him in the kitchen...for what reason who the fuck knows! Well I'm sure he and Mayte are still laying in the bed basking in the glory of their night. And if for some reason he did try to meet me in kitchen, he said 10:00, I don't think he would still be waiting an hour later.
As I'm getting closer to the kitchen I can smell pancakes. Great! They better not be in there together! How am I going to react?! I can't really act mad bc they will wonder why. I've just got to act cool and make up some reason for why I can't stay. I guess I can say I don't want to disrupt their reconciliation and let the lovebirds have some alone time. As I enter the kitchen I only see Prince with his back towards me. Fuck! I guess he is making her breakfast. There were flowers on the counter and he was making two plates and humming. I want to barf! Maybe he will tell me what magic powers she used to get him to go back to her. I cleared my throat and he turned around with a huge smile on his face, expecting Mayte I'm sure. However his face didn't fall when he saw me.
"Well finally! Is your watch broke? You're an hour late. But it's ok it gave me more time to prepare. Here you want some pancakes?" He said offering me a plate.
"No." I said flatly.
"What's wrong? Are you ok? You don't look well."
"I don't feel well either. I have a migraine. Do you have anything I can take?"
"Oh momma I'm so sorry. I should have come and checked on you when you weren't in here. But I didn't want to disturb you." He said searching through cabinets and finally finding the Tylenol. "How many do you want?"
"As many as I can take." He hands me three and I swallow them, not even bothering to grab any water. I turn to leave the kitchen and go back to my bedroom.
"Wait. Jensen. Where are you going?"
"Back to my room. I've got to lay down."
"Well can I come with you. I really have to tell you something, remember? Are you up for hearing it?"
I turn back around and can't hold it in any longer. "What? That you're back with Mayte. I already know. Congratulations! And no you can't follow me back to my bedroom, you creep! Go back to your wife!"
He had a look of total confusion on his face. "What the hell are you talking about? Did Mayte say something to you because..."
"What the hell is going on?!" I couldn't see who said it bc it came from behind me but I knew it was Lenny's voice. I spin around stunned and say "Lenny what are you doing here?"
"I checked out of rehab early."
"Why?! You need to go back."
"I asked if I could and they said yes. They thought it was ok too. They think I'm ready."
"Jensen I think he's lying. We need to call the center and ask." Prince interjects.
"Fuck you man! Nobody asked you. This has nothing to do with you. I came here to get my wife, get her away from you, and go home with her. Jensen let's go...now."
My mind was so confused. I had my doubts about what Lenny was saying, but he was my chance to leave so I am taking it. "Ok. Let me go pack my bag real quick."
"Hurry up. You two say your little goodbyes. This shit stops now. Meet me in the car in 10 minutes. We are going home today and never coming back here."
"Fine with me." I say while racing to my bedroom.
As I was stuffing things into my suitcase Prince enters the room. "Jensen. Please stop packing. Don't go anywhere with him. He needs to go back to rehab."
"You have no right to tell me what to do. Just shut up. He may need to but I'll find one in LA for him."
"He's lying. He checked himself out, but I guarantee you they tried to stop him. They wouldn't agree to his discharge without talking to you first. Think about it. It doesn't make any sense."
"Don't talk to me about lying! You're a fucking liar too! And nothing makes sense right now. Absolutely nothing. I just want to go home. Maybe I can figure it out there."
"What are you talking about? Jensen I've never lied to you. I don't know what Mayte told you but..."
"She didn't have to tell me anything. I heard it myself."
"Heard what?"
"Y'all fucking! I went to your bedroom last night to talk and I heard her moaning. She must have some good pussy to get you to change your mind. You were quite convincing about the divorce...you deserve an Oscar for that performance. You had me fooled." At this point I had enough of my stuff packed to be satisfied so I zipped it up and started to exit the room.
"Oh my god Jensen. You have it all wrong. I didn't fuck her!" He exclaims following behind me. "Please stop. Can I explain?"
"There's nothing to explain. Ok maybe you weren't fucking. Maybe you were just going down on her, I don't know, and I don't care. I don't want to hear the details. Just stop following me. I'm leaving." I say as I get to the front door and start to open it. He takes the palm of his hand and shuts it back. His front is pressed up against my back. He talks calmly into my ear. "Jensen. Don't leave. Please. You aren't going to be happy. Stay here with me. At least until school starts. Come on momma. We still have the open house to attend. At least stay for that. And let me explain somethings."
"Why would I want to stay with you? I don't trust you."
"I promise you can trust me. Please. Jensen. I want you. Baby I need you. I will make you happy. Just stay with me."
Less than 24 hours ago I would have died to hear what he is saying. But now I just didn't know what to think. But Lenny was waiting on me and I couldn't stay to hear any explanation. I couldn't think of one that would satisfy me anyway. I just need to go back with Lenny. Go back to our life...or at least my life. Get ready for school. "I can't stay. I'm going home...with Lenny. I'm married to him. Just leave me alone." I say and jerk open the door and leave. I run out to the car and get in. I hold back my tears as Lenny zooms away from Paisley. My heart is shattered. I just want everyone to leave me alone.