Insatiable

10

I immediately toss my jacket and hood on the floor next to my bed. Maliah goes into my bathroom. I still haven't came up with a good lie yet. I could talk about my parents, but I honestly hate wasting my breath on them.

I kick my shoes off and sit down on my bed. My body feels tight and cold. Winter is fucking annoying. I hear Maliah moving around in the bathroom. I need to come up with some lie already.

After a minute or two Maliah came out and got herself comfortable at the opposite end of my bed. She surprisingly didn't grab her phone out of her bag like I thought she would to text that nut sack. We stare at each other.

I've always wondered what she thinks when she's looking at me. I wonder if it's all good sometimes instead of bad because I know she worries ... about everything.

I decided to be the first to break the silence, "Math was really annoying today."

"Why cause your little fling wasn't there?" She teased.

"Shut up. She had an emergency, but I don't know anything more than that."

She smiled and pushed her sock covered feet against mine, "So are you gonna tell me what's up with you?"

She didn't waste anytime, I'll tell you that, "I guess."

"Start talking."

Should I really tell her the truth? Does she deserve that burden? If I tell her she'll probably feel like shit about Hayden and feel weird all in the same sense. I'll have to take this secret to my grave. I'm not sure why I end up having this debate with myself time and time again.

"I was just sad about some things. Like you planning to leave for college and stuff ..."

Now this isn't entirely a lie. I am kinda bent on Maliah leaving. If she leaves, I might as well drop out and start work now.

She folded her arms across her chest, looking a little sad, "That's not final yet."

From here on out, I don't really need to lie anymore, "It is on my mind because I know you. You're smart Maliah. You're like destined to be this great person. Your parents also have the money to send you anywhere you want to go. You're leaving."

She shook her head, "I can go to school here if I wanted. I don't want you to stress about that ..."

"I have too, Maliah. I love you and I care about you. Knowing that you'll soon be out of my reach is pretty fucking stressful. I mean all these years you've been keeping my ass in check ... helping me survive
..."

She moves closer to me and grips my legs, "I'll never be out of reach. I promise."

I stare into her eyes. How can a pair of eyes be so menacing and sweet at the same time? And her freckles, well they just make it worse. I raise my hand and cup her cheek. I rub my thumb across her skin. My hand feels like its on fire right now and my heart is breaking in my chest. I feel the words on my tongue, dancing around and pulling every individual taste bud, begging me to just say it.

"What?" She mumbled.

I can't open my mouth. If I do I may just spill the beans. So I shake my head and lick my lips. Her eyes glance at them for a split second.

"Jax ... " She trailed off.

"Hm?"

I didn't notice how close we were until my vision started adjusting and leaving me partly blind. I blink a few times. I can smell her breath. My mind shuts off and my heart begins to take control. I'm going to regret this, but I guess for my sanity ... I should kiss the girl I love. Just once.