Insatiable

30

I cough into the sleeve of my hoodie. I've been coughing all morning and now my chest aches because of it. Maybe the cold is finally getting to me.

I manage to open my locker and get a few things out of it. I sigh softly, feeling the distant stinging pain again. And oddly I feel almost at peace with myself. I still feel like a psychopath, but at peace. I'm crazy in my head, by myself, all alone. Sometimes that's just how it has to be.

"Jax?" I heard behind me.

I turn to Hielee in a grey sweater and jeans. Her hair is up in that messy bun I love so much.

I forced a smile, "Hi."

She spoke quietly, "You didn't ... text me back all weekend."

"I'm sorry. I went through a few things and ..."

"It's okay," She frowned. "I just thought you might have been mad at me or something."

I shook my head, "No. Never that."

She stepped to me and slowly pulled my hood down. I felt her soft hands on the sides of my temples. I closed my eyes for that quick second, embracing her warmth.

She held my face, "Are you okay? You don't look good. You look ... sick. What happened this weekend?"

I shrugged, "I'm just really tired and just stuff."

"Have you been eating?" She asked.

I nodded.

"How's your sleep?"

"Shitty," I answered. "I've been having nightmares. Sometimes my anxiety gets really bad and I stay awake."

She sighed. I see the worry in her eyes. I hear it in her voice, "You're not well, at all. Come over to my place after school?"

I put my hands over hers, "That would be great. Maybe I can catch up on some sleep."

I could tell that she wanted to smile, but the state I'm in that she's currently witnessing doesn't allow it. I never mean to hurt anyone or drag anyone into my bullshit for that matter.

"Can I be honest?" I said after she dropped her hands.

She nodded, "Always."

"I think I'm getting bad again. Really bad." I whispered.

"Well, it doesn't take a genius to see that."

I look down. For some reason under her stare I feel ... ashamed. And weak. She pulls my hood back up and brushes my hair behind my ear.

She kissed my cheek, "Lay low today. Take it easy. Okay?"

"Yeah. I'll try." I replied.

"Also ... Clay is back."

I shrugged, "I don't care. He just needs to stay the fuck away from me and he'll be fine."

"Please, please don't try and stick out like a sore thumb. It was luck the first time I managed to get you out of there before a dean could get to you."

I rolled my eyes, "I don't try and stick out, you know. Trouble just happens to follow wherever I go. That asshole has always been around picking at me. I finally snapped."

"Yeah, I know." She dead panned.

"Why was he gone so long anyway? I don't think I did that much damage." I asked.