Insatiable

35

After long thought in a weekend to myself without Maliah, I settled on to this onto the decision of telling Jane the truth. I can only imagine how much this will hurt her, but she needs to know so she can get better and not stay in this toxic ass marriage. I mean, fuck it.

I told Maliah that I settled on telling her and gave her the reasons why I needed to do this. Of course she told me about the possible consequences and stalking my dad could possibly turn out if he were to somehow find out I was following him.

Its Monday and Maliah and I are walking back to my house. I told her I didn't want to do it alone. Luckily I have a best friend who doesn't tease or tells me to fuck off in situations I should be able to handle on my own. Its rare that Maliah and I leave each other alone like that anyway.

"Nervous?" She asked.

I nodded, "What if it goes completely out of hand? Like bat shit out of hand? I don't want her to open her mouth to him about me following him."

She wrapped her arm around mine, "I don't think she will. She may ground you for sneaking out so late though."

"I feel like that's not fair."

She chuckled, "That'd actually be pretty funny."

"Will not."

"Just remember if you need a place to stay for a while, you can come stay with me." She said sweetly.

I smiled, but a bittersweet taste formed in my mouth, "You sure that's a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

I shrugged, "Your parents. Our pretty fucked relationship."

She sighed, "Our relationship isn't that messed up. There's just boundaries now."

"Boundaries." I repeated.

"Boundaries, to help us go back to normal. Mostly." She said.

"Whatever you say, freckles."

"Why are you doubting the fact that we can't go back to the norm? That attitude isn't gonna help." She said removing her arm from around mine.

"Because its different now. You know that." I said dryly.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, "No way are we going to make this an argument every time we talk, Jax."

"I'm not arguing with you smart ass. Clearly you don't know what an argument is. For a genius you're stupid as hell sometimes."

She spoke sternly, "You're asking to get slapped."

"And I thought I was the one with the communication problems. Bullshit." I mumbled.

"Its because this conversation is repeated. Its getting old. I get it. You're in love with me and its hard to pretend all of this didn't happen. It happened, okay? I don't regret a thing except for when I went about it in a totally shitty way, Jax. But I didn't lose you and you didn't lose me. You don't have to worry about me getting with anyone else. I've come to a very firm conclusion I can't handle that right now. Its not fair to me you always have something negative to say about what our friendship has become. Its nobodies fault. The only way we're going to get past this weird phase is if we do it together. I can't do it on my own. I can't do it without you."

"That's how you feel?" I asked.

"Yes. That's how I feel and you know I'm right. I don't want this brought up negatively anymore. None of what happened makes me awkward or uncomfortable. I'm very happy my firsts were with you. No one or nothing can ever change that, literally. So do me a favor and stop."