Insatiable

31

I slowly regain consciousness, but keep my eyes closed. I feel my body waking up. The needles and pins start to make me slightly uncomfortable.

I feel very soft fingers on my back, sliding up and down. Drawing patterns on my spine. Then I hear soft instruments playing in the distance. Music.

A groan slips from my lips when I feel Maliah's fingers digging into a knot in my right shoulder. She's humming softly with the music. I become aware of her weight on my butt and her warm thighs at my sides. My face is practically smushed in her sheets right now.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" She asked softly. She gently glided her fingertips down to my lower back.

I groaned again, not really wanting to lose my drowsiness or open my eyes. I kinda want to continue my sleep since I have no idea when I'll be able to sleep like this again.

Her hand traveled up my back and into my hair, "Go back to sleep. You need it."

"Mhmm ..." I hummed.

"I'll be right here. Promise."

And I did fall back to sleep rather fast. It was peaceful. For the first time in weeks I peacefully slept.

When I did wake up, it was to eat. Maliah had made dinner for me. I didn't think I was out for that long, but I was. I don't care. I feel a little better and now I can't wait to eat this plate of rice and pork chop's Maliah made for me.

After admitting to Maliah about my depression, we didn't do much. We cried and somehow she got me into bed. I can't even remember how that happened. I fell asleep.

"What's been going on?" I asked before stuffing my mouth with a spoonful of food.

She brushed her hair back, "What do you mean?"

"Like ... earlier you said everything was falling apart ..."

"Oh, yeah. I guess my mental state is kinda deteriorating too. I'm stressed and unbearably sad."

I swallowed my food, "Do you think you're depressed? Because it sounds like it. You know, from experience and all."

"I ... I don't know. I don't really know what that's like. Its like my mindset is drifting into something I can't recognize anymore. I don't know how to explain it."

I sighed softly. Nothing is ever fair in this world. As bad as she hurt me I never want her to end up in my position. It would kill me. I can't imagine Maliah depressed. I don't want to.

"Sounds like it's starting." I said quietly.

"Jax, I panicked." She said.

"Hm?"

"I panicked. My feelings for you - everything. I freaked out. I figured that if I cut us off ... it would be easier. I don't know what I was thinking," She paused and wiped her tears. "I feel so stupid. And I feel like I made everything worse for the both of us. I didn't want to drag you down. I thought it was you that was the problem. It was me. This entire time, it was me. The person you treasure so much."

"Why didn't you just tell me? Instead of doing what you did?"

She shrugged. I know she probably feels ashamed of herself due to her reputation. The reputation I've given her through my praise and love. Maybe I shouldn't have painted her to be the perfect one. No one's perfect. It pisses me off that this all could've been so easy and simple.

"It could've been handled differently. All of this ... but ... it is what it is." I said.

"Yeah." She said with a sigh.